


You and Me and Her

by leogrl19



Category: Cyberpunk 2077 (Video Game)
Genre: (V's a'ight), F/F, Hot Girls with Guns Tempers and Feelings, I Love a Judy, I Love a Panam, I just want them All to be Happy?, I was Harassed, Nomad V (Cyberpunk 2077), Polly Pocket Poly, Polyamory Negotiations, Wanna portray a Healthy poly between 3 women ya'll, buckle up for safety, but it'll be a Time getting there, someone's gotta do it, you know who you are
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-28
Updated: 2021-02-17
Packaged: 2021-03-10 22:20:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 32,037
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28374540
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leogrl19/pseuds/leogrl19
Summary: Post-Star ending. (So: **SPOILERS**) V and Judy adjust to their new roles on the trail with the Aldecaldos, while Panam adjusts to being sole Leader of the Family. Dynamics are ever-Shifting; but the One dynamic they all thought would never Change - was the one between the Three of Them….
Relationships: Judy Alvarez/Female V, Judy Alvarez/Female V/Panam Palmer, Panam Palmer/Female V
Comments: 231
Kudos: 374





	1. And Nomad makes Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, Apparently I’m Doing This. 
> 
> One day I will Win the War over my mind once it gets Fixated on something.
> 
> Today is Not that day.
> 
> Full Disclosure: This will Not be 1-2-3 Instant Poly. I like to Respect character’s sexualities - if Panam prefers brosephs, she prefers brosephs. I wouldn’t want to Change her straight like I would never subvert Judy’s lesbian.
> 
> But.
> 
> Sexuality can be fluid. I Know it’s possible for straight people to experience attraction to their own sex Depending on the Person. And while there was Never a moment with male!V I felt Judy flirted or showed attraction, there were HELLA moments with Panam and fem!V. _Whew._ Never felt so much Damn TENSION. (Aldecaldos shipped the _Shit_ out of them) So I think it’s doable. Very Doable.
> 
> I also think the same of a poly between the 3 of them - with V being the Catalyst. Doesn’t mean Judy and Pan will make out; theirs could be a platonic love. Doesn’t mean they won’t. Maybe finding some spark during their own ‘dating’ phase. Point is, I’m not out to Force anything - I’m letting the characters do them. Every poly is unique and its members set the Terms. But I think that’s worth exploring. I think the 3 of them would be Beautiful.
> 
> All right - Disclosure FIN. Onward! Oh, and same nomad V from ‘Feels Like I’m Drownin’’ if you read it. ;)

* * *

“Uh… Huh.” The flap to their tent is peeled back with an easy Familiar, the smooth ‘ _fwip_ ’ of someone who opens it _Often_ —

(knows it’s - _Her_ \- before she’s even fully entered);

Judy striding past entrance only to falter to a quick stop. “Didn’t realize we’d have company.”

V glances up from her reading, gingerly dog-earing the page of _For Whom the Bell Tolls_ , legs crossed - cradling Jackie’s well-worn paperback. Borrowed from Mama Welles who insisted she Keep it. For Good Luck on her journey when they met on the city’s outliers for too-brief Goodbyes. Misty and Vik patting shoulders and hugging her tight respectively. The El Coyote Cojo proprietress assuring her if she picked it for her son’s ofrenda, Jackie’d want her to Have it.

It all boiling down to a Compromise she’d hold on to it; just ’til the moment she could give it back once more. At the next infamous Mama Welles Dinner they’d joyously share. Someday….

Not a huge fan of Hemingway herself, but she can figure why ‘Kie liked him.

Suspected he found a similar. An echo. Maybe because they both played a part.

The Macho Man. Fearless —- _Over-the-Top_. But inside: masking fathomless sensitivities.

An ‘ _iceberg_ ’. So much like the author’s self-proclaimed style.

Closes the novel in time to see Judy folding her arms. (And there’s a whole _List_ of meanings _That_ could be Associated with -)

But it Lacks the Steam of Angry.

 _Pissed_.

More. Reflexive.

Like she’s taking in the situation. Steadily forming an Opinion on it.

Dark Eyes noting her Body Language. (V Knowing when she’s being _sized_ up.)

 **Deliberately** makes a show of appearing as Calm and Un-startled as she actually Feels. With Panam curled, asleep, against her Left side.

“Hey you.” Tosses her output a Smile that couldn’t be more Genuine if she _Tried_. Catching the smears of coal-like grease across Judy’s forehead and neck; telling a story of where she wiped away beading sweat. No doubt helping Mitch with the Basilisk after all the damage it sustained during their hit on Arasaka.

Feels a swell - an ache - of **_Pride_** as she continues. Motioning to friend’s resting form with a smooth tilt of her head. “Barely sleeps. Got a mind like a damned piston - ‘specially now she’s leading the ‘Caldos solo. Was pacing and shit. Thought she’d delve a trench in the middle of our tent before long. Forced her ass to lie the fuck down.” _Calm_. Calmly explains the circumstance. “Read her a few lines and she - _fwoop_ -" makes a noise, blown air beneath teeth pressing lip, before snapping resting fingers, “was out like a light. No appreciation for the Classics.”

Tsk.

Even went the extra mile, going through the extra effort of reading and holding the book in one hand so not as to disturb the weary nomad draped against her.

“‘parently I have a cozy shoulder.” V smirks. “If she’s drooled I will Never let her Live it down. All. The. _Stills_.”

Chuckles to herself. Settling spine of paperback in the nook of her elbow with deft motion. Beckoning to tech she Adores with a single curl of her finger. Immediately clasping one of Judy’s ink-scrawled hands (—after a moment of Deliberation; the - fall - of those twined arms—) in her own.

 _Squeezing_ it happily.

“How was your day?”

Bats lashes to her with Interest.

“…No complaints.” Dark eyes flick to the woman at her side. “Yours?”

“Filled with good ol’-fashioned reconnaissance.” Leans into the leg of the makeshift bed at her back. Simultaneously pulling Judy _Closer_. “Scouting party surveyed the area around our grounds to make sure no enemy camps — specifically Raffen Shiv — popped up where they could get the jump on us. Managed to get back early: no evidence of anyone else around for miles. Keepin’ an eye on it though. Situations change Quick when you’re out in the open.” …Lets the merc in her simmer down — preferring to Focus Fully on what’s in front of her. “And yes - before you ask: I was sexy as _Hell_ Protecting you all.”

“ _Mhm_. Bet you were…” Judy grins. Swings their connected limbs playfully. Inked thumb shifting to caress her own. “‘Shivs’ are gonks nomads kick out their clans - right?”

V nods. “Because they’d kill and sell their own mothers — yup.”

“Like scavs.” The tech clicks her tongue. A sharp, satisfying Disdain. “Guess even out here we can’t escape Everything in the city.”

“Nope. Bloodthirsty scum dumpsters can just about spring up anywhere. One thing Corps don’t have a monopoly on.”

Judy grimaces. Sneers. Shutting both eyes and Shaking her head as if the physical act would rid her of whatever thoughts lied there.

Drawing from the clutch of her hand.

“So - we gonna talk about this?” Chin jabs sharp in Panam’s direction. Dark gaze once again Scrutinizing the other woman: “‘less you stashed away any other outputs while I wasn’t looking.”

….V blinks. (Takes some: Time. To get 2 and 2 to come up 4.) Looks to the Aldecaldos Leader, then back to her —-barely holding back a _Snort_. “ _Pan_?” Waves her hand Dismissively. Emphatically. “Jude - she’s straight. Only fucks with bros.”

Judy scoffs a laugh: “Yeah? She know that?” Tattooed arms retract again. Tucking _Tight_. “‘Cuz anyone with a half-decent pair of optics can see the two of you look Domestic as Fuck.”

Exhales. Momentarily speechless. Knowing ready Logic like ‘ _We do this all the Time._ ’ won’t Help her in this predicament.

‘Predicament’?

 _Shit_.

Despite the sharp words, Judy’s still manageable. If she were Truly Convinced of any infidelity, things would be a helluva Lot - Louder.

_This is a blip. She’s not used to this._

_Explain it to her._

“Judy. Panam’s - more touchy than Most. Doesn’t mean the same to her. It’s like a nomad thing—living in close proximity with so many other people - with family—you don’t realize what outsiders might see or think as inappropriate. Strange.” Raises a hand - not wanting to lose the Point. “But again — Just friends. Nothing deeper there.”

“Oh - so I’m an ‘ _outsider_ ’ now?”

V frowns. Shuts her eyes.

The _Fuck_ …

How did they get Here?

What did she _Do_?

Sucks in air…. Calming down. Opening her eyes. “Sorry.”

For all her flirty, Open nature — doesn’t want to **Lose** this.

 _Jeopardize_ It.

Not worth the Fight.

Looks to her output. Dead-Serious.

“If it makes you uncomfortable - it’s Done.”

Barely imperceptible; but the square of those shoulders loosen. Tech’s stance relaxing back to its usual chilled posture. “Not about being uncomfortable, V. Know you’re not doin' it to make me jealous, know the two of you are Close.” A scoff. (and there’s a tinge of _Bitter_ ). Like there’s a memory there. “Not so Possessive I won’t let you have female friends. That’s gonk.” Black-stained nails press into skin. Tapered brows dipping. “Just wonderin’ if you are ‘friends’.”

“We are.” Gives it without Reservation. Zero Doubt. “That’s it, Jude. Good friends.”

Judy goes quiet for a minute. Mouth pinching at the corners. “And if she wasn’t?” V hooks a brow. “Straight?”

“Not the Case.”

Points to Panam. “Look her in the Face and tell me she Believes that.” Judy shakes her head; thinning her lips. “Might be somethin’ to Think about.”

V only nods. (Surrenders.) Covering the area under her nose as if to remove all Temptation. Not knowing anything Better to give than: Silence.

Her output’s arms unravel. Gradually - Loosen. “Headin’ to dinner. Starved. ‘Caldos workin’ me Harder than Lizzie’s ever did.” But she smiles soft. Looks: _Content_. “Think I cracked the issue with the panzer’s targeting system bein’ all off-kilter. Gonna try somethin’ tomorrow, see if it sticks.” Angles her head towards tent’s entrance. “Want me to grab you something?”

(Doesn’t feel any Appetite.) Food the Last thing on her mind. “Rather be with you.” Lowers hand from her face. “There soon.”

Feels like she Finally said something— _Right_ from the way Judy looks at her. Smile growing that little bit extra that makes her heart flutter before she turns to leave.

V Sighs. Idly scratches scars lining her cheek. Glancing at other woman still resting on her shoulder.

What did Judy _see_?

Own eyes catching: Soft, even breaths. Peaceful. More:

 _Content_.

Fingers slightly wrapped around her bicep.

Trust.

Judy not _There_ when Panam made it Irrevocably Clear;

Has her Doubts because she didn’t Taste the **_Sting_** of **Rejection**.

‘ _V…. No_.’

Wasn’t Monstrous. (Some would even say - Kind.

At Least she wasn’t _Disgusted_.)

But: **Absolute**. In its Intention.

“Mm.” Palms Jackie’s book; setting it in the seat of the stool near the metal desk Judy uses for her gear and laptop. Shifting to scoop dormant form beside her. Laying Panam gently on their bed.

* * *

“You are still feeling Guilty.”

“ _Mmhmm_.” V drawls to the ( _Exasperated_ )Knowing accusation. Stretching out her limbs. Shaking out her shoulders. Working out the _kinks_ … Before Unceremoniously falling back onto Panam’s cot. Feeling her old, hole-ridden tee ride up her skin; staring at the green canvas ceiling of the other’s spacious tent.

 _Good_ to be Queen.

And one of said Queen’s Favorite _chooms_.

Feels cot - shift. Added Weight. Panam joining her. Denim thigh grazing her arm. “Doubt that’ll change anytime soon.”

Not as Long as she keeps seeing Ghosts. Clear as the engram once Trapped in her head.

Bob and Teddy.

Saul.

Just three more Corpses to add to her Impressive pile of _Fuck-Ups_.

Squeezes eyes shut;

‘Could have been _Worse_.’

‘At least most of the clan Survived.’

 _Better off_ , even, than the shit canoe they were in before their suicide run. All the ‘saka Loot they managed to -- Reappropriate.

But she’s _Sick_ of platitudes. Way her Mind continues to make everything so damn— _Neat_. When she keeps side-stepping Death; but No One Else ever seems to Follow.

Ever gets the _Chance_.

Another shift. Aldecaldos Leader likely turning her way. “Asscrack of dawn - know where I saw you? With Carol removing electronic signatures from special-grade Arasaka artillery. Around noon, you ask? Holed up with Dakota installing new tech in her tent and bolstering the camp’s ICE for when we put out feelers for buyers.”

V slides her arms up, crooking both elbows. Resting back of head on bridged palms. “Did Vaporize nearly half her old tech trying to contact my little AI friend — only felt neighborly to setup the replacements.”

“Have you _eaten_? _When_ was the last time you took a break?”

Makes a non-committal noise.

Panam socks her one. “Really, V? Do I have to Force-feed you now? Running around camp like a Damned lizard with its tail plucked off isn’t enough - _No_. Let us add ‘Wipe V’s ass’ while we’re at it.”

“…Pretty preem ass, so, in the long run -”

“ _Fuck_ off.” V grins. “The Point is this: You think you’re Clever, but you’re steadily running yourself into the ground--when you don’t Have to. You don’t Need to do more — not when you’re already doing work enough for three people - and _then_ some! While you-” the rest is swallowed. Panam shifting again. “In. Your condition.”

“My ‘ _condition_ ’ -” snorts. “That what we callin' it now? Like I’m the terminal patient in the corner no one looks or talks about?” (Can almost **_Feel_** the dirty _Glare_ the other woman No Doubt shoots her.)

Ignores it. “Hasn’t killed me yet. Might as well make myself Useful in the meantime.”

Feels a tug on her ‘Caldos jacket. Peeking an eye open to take stock of the act. Panam staring down at her just as **_Fierce_** as she Expected. “See this? It means you’ve Earned It. Hell - even before I handed it to you - there was nothing Left to prove.” Brown eyes soften a bit under all that Fire. “No one wants ‘Useful’ from you. They want you well and Alive.”

V’s lips curl. Patting the hand still balled around her jacket. “Nomad Life isn’t that Generous. You know that.”

Panam’s eyebrows crash to a meet. Woman slowly releasing her hold. “Forcing others to rest goes Both ways, V.”

Silence.

Knew _that_ would come back to bite her in the ass. …Jostles a knee. “Glad you’re their Leader.”

Panam tosses her hands in the air. “And you are changing the subject.”

“I am!” V springs off the cot in a single motion. “Don’t stick in fights I Know I won’t Win.” Winks at the woman she leaves behind. Turning away smooth. Shuffling across the semi-cluttered space.

Poking through her friend’s stuff.

Panam immediately getting to her own feet—joining her to _Slap_ her hand away. “Stop that.”

“No secrets ‘tween us, Pan.” Waggles a pierced brow. Expression sobering. “Meant it. Hate that Saul…” (still - _Sees_. That **_Bloodied_** **_Mess_** where the man’s Head _Used_ to be….)

Swallows. Rough.

Blinking it away. “I know you were worried the clan was being pulled in two different directions. That they doubted. If this is a New chapter; they need someone like You.”

The new leader scoffs - disbelieving - under her breath. “‘Someone like me’ is practically a Death sentence.”

V shakes her head. Frowning. “Gotta come to terms with it. Have that Power now -- Power enough to make a _difference_ ; Power enough to destroy it all. That’s what being a Leader is.”

“You do not have to tell me that.” Snapped. Another one of her _Glares_. “Shit. _Shit_ , V. I just want to do what’s Best for the Family. That is what I’ve always wanted. And Saul….”

A - - Pause she knows Well.

The _Heartache_.

Panam balls a gloved fist. “As cowardly as he was. Stubborn. _Stupid_. He was there to handle the politics of things. And I. I could simply focus…”

“On doing what you do Best.” V finishes. Other woman giving a nod. “Still. You’re what the Family has now. You’re all they’ve Got.” Smiles. “And - ‘Panam will be there for them. Because - who else, right?’”

…Curled lips. Other woman moving to swipe ebony wisps of hair from her eyes. “Mm. That used to be true. But now I know ‘who else’.” Looks her straight in the eye. A single touch to the side of her arm. “I’m glad you are here. With - us.” (Feels like a Substitution, but V - smirks.) Leaving it. “I think I will Need your kicks in the ass when I do something Incredibly Foolish now more than ever.”

“Always up for a good ass-kicking. Not that you’d actually _Listen_ when I did.” Rolls her eyes. …Before her gaze falls to the dirt beneath their boots. “Saul. Died because of me.” Raises a Hand to the Objection she knows is coming. “Not gonna Abandon you after that. Whatever you need—whatever the Family Needs—I’m Here.” Looks up. “You’re never in this Alone.”

Dark brows (- buckle -)Level. A soft, warm coming soon after. “V. I- -”

Panam’s gaze flicks to the entrance of her tent. V looking over a shoulder to see Judy popping her head through.

Single brow arched. “Interruptin’ something?”

“Can’t interrupt if I Constantly Want you Near…” V purrs. Turning to _saunter_ towards her.

“Best put that silver tongue away.” Output parts tent fully. Judy warning and - smirkin’- in the same breath. “‘fore it gets you in All kinds of Trouble.”

“Thought you _Liked_ that kind of Trouble…” Licks her top lip. Making sure to flash her tongue ring.

“That’s right - keep diggin’ yourself Deeper.” Judy chuckles. Raspy and _Tantalizing_ …. Dark eyes sparkling - Amused(… _Wicked_ …). Her output lifting slightly on black boots to plant a kiss on her cheek. Finger tracing the angled cyberware bordering an eye.

(Hungry)Dark gaze flicking to block of glossy lipstick - Green as the skin on an Avocado - painting her lips:

Showing where her _True_ **Desire** lied.

shivers.

Judy so _Damn_ **_Good_**. At making every little act - _Sensual_ ….

“But Biz first.” Her cheek is patted - like she’s a _Good Girl_ \- temporarily _dismissed_. Judy now including Panam in the discussion. “Mitch asked me to send both of you our way next time you have a moment. Wants to take the Basilisk out for a test spin after the latest round of fixes.”

V nods. “Preem - tell him we’ll be there soon.”

“Cool.” Judy winks; mimicking a kiss Directly her way. Eyes lidded. “Later you.”

(Watches her— _All the Way_ —as the woman ducks back out the tent. Eyeing her Back.

 _Shameless_.)

…exhales. Before Whipping back around. Catching Panam staring at her cheek.

Cocks a brow. (Reining a grin.) “PDA got you down, Pan?”

“What? No.” The Leader blinks. Tugs at a fingerless glove. “Of course not. That. Is-” seems to Snap out of — _Whatever’s happening there_ — mouth quirking. “Surely you remember what it’s like living within a clan. There is no Privacy. Seen so many kisses I’m practically immune to it by this point.”

“Mhm. But _damn_ if I wasn’t taking notes.” V trails two fingers across her lips. “How else’s a nomad kid supposed to learn to lay a proper _smooch_?

Panam smirks. As if recalling her own memories. “Not all good; but some. Very - _Educational_.” V chuckles - nodding. Letting the Grin free. “But there is something on your mind. You got a Look once she left. And as much hot air as you blow to that girlfriend of yours, you only flirt like _That_ when you think there’s something to lose.” Throws her a teasing glance. “Trouble in Paradise?”

The woman Suddenly - Stops smirking. Brows tucking deep.

Gambit of emotions twisting her features. Before it clears like a desert storm.

Weird.

V opens her mouth — only to Snap it shut moments later. Looking to Panam with narrowed eyes. “Was going to say: ‘Don’t laugh.’ - but you’re an _Ass_. Already know you’ll laugh me right out this tent.” _Sighs_. Steelin’ herself for the friendly( _Merciless_ ) ribbing. “Judy - Somehow or other - got it in her head we’re _Suddenly_ a thing.” Can’t Help - her own _Amused_ breath, even hearing the words aloud. _Absurd_. “Don’t worry: I set things straight. Let her know there’s nothing ‘untoward’ happening between us.”

Chuckles.

Expecting: A sharp _Bark_ of laughter - a _Slap_ of the knee -

Jab she’d _never_ fall for her _sorry ass_. Even if she did roll like that.

Not -

Silence.

Panam’s gaze - slightly _askew_. Focused on one of the coarse canvas walls of her tent.

Eyes, narrowed and distant.

Uh…

feels a knife of _Panic_ ;

 _Shit_ …

“Panam?”

“Mm?” Soft. Blinks; looking away from canvas. But Not back to _her_.

 ** _ Shit_**.

“I’m. Sorry to hear that, V.” Mumbled.

Eyes the other woman warily. “Gonna need you to Laugh in my face now, Pan.” Comes out- _Harsher_ than she intended. Put her chest’s pullin’ _spasms_.

Other woman finally meeting her gaze with a smile - but it doesn’t quite _take_. “It’s ridiculous. Of course it is.” (Feels no - _Relief_.) “We should go -- shouldn’t keep Mitch or Judy waiting. And Cassidy mentioned wanting to speak on our next supply stop. How it could possibly be used as an ambush against a few dozen Raffen holed up there.”

V catches an arm as Panam makes to walk past. “ _Really_?” _Glares_. “Don’t Bullshit me, Panam. We’re Beyond that.”

“V.” And it’s the hint of _Pleading_ that tells her - _Everything_. “Don’t.”

…Releases her. Takes a step away. “ _Fuuuck me_.”

Runs fingers along her face;

\- - _Pacing_.

“It wasn’t on Purpose.” Barely audible. “I - Don’t even know when it Happened.” Feels herself _Groan_ ; Panam’s words like a Terrible soundtrack to her edgy movements. “All I know. Is that I can’t stop _Thinking_ _about it_ now.”

 _Fuck_!

“V…”

Shakes her head. Continuing to _Pace_.

Til there’s a— ** _Tug_** at her Arm. Stopping her in her tracks.

Panam Forcing their eyes to Meet. “But you’ve already found someone special.” Scowls faintly to the ground. So - Mad at _Herself_. “…I was too late.”

“ _Shit_. Fuck. _Fuck_.” Barely knows - sees a _Way_ \- to express All that’s Inside - without expletives. “Didn’t even know this was on the table, Pan.” Feels her face screw up. _Agony_. “You don’t _like_ women!”

“I know!” Shouted back. Panam scoffing bitterly. “Fuck, V - don’t you think I _Know_ that?!” A Turbulence takes her features. “But you’ve. Gone and Changed - _Everything_!”

“I _Can’t_ change ‘everything’, Pan - I.”

Have **Judy**.

Briefly shuts her eyes… _Exhaling_. Knowing she’s just taking her own Shit out on her friend.

(— - _Friend_?)

Fuck. “Okay - We.” _Pushes_ out air - Again.

Again.

Cools down. “When did.” _Drags_ Hands down both cheeks. “When did this all start?”

“I don’t _know_.” Panam bemoans. (Repeats?) Runs fingers of her free hand over bundled locs. “God - My head is such a _Mess_ ….”

V cracks what’s - likely - a piss-poor attempt at a smile. “Well. Nothing’s changed there, at least.”

“Screw you.” Slightly creased brows, but it leaves fond. Panam rubbing at her forehead. Smoothing the worry-dug ridges there. “I think. Seeing you with someone else…” Stops. Then: starts again. “When we were out on our,” sniffs tenderly, “- escapades. You were _Mine_. I didn’t have to share you with anyone else - _Think_ of you with anyone _else_.” Her hand drops. “Didn’t have to fight for your attentions.” V frowns. Frowns at the - sad there. Sad in brown eyes. “And I became. Too reliant on that feeling.”

V - inhales. Breathes out slowly.

Can’t Blame her for that.

(Can - but—- _Won’t_.)

Knows firsthand Emotions aren’t always: Convenient.

Went and Fell in Love herself while she was - - **_Dying_**.

“V.” Panam straightens. Expression Hardening. More like the woman she - _Knows_. “I want you to know this isn’t petty jealousy. It’s not like I want to break the two of you Apart. I would _Never_ Want that.”

 **Hard**. As if to make herself Absolutely _Clear_.

Nods to it. Believing her. “It just - Weird. Different? Seeing someone who cares about you — who loves you so _much_ …” Panam’s features _wrench_. “Seeing her kiss you or hold you - and I would _Get_ … There were all _These_ …” a _Deep_ _Groan_. Through Gritted teeth.

“Feelings?” V wagers.

“ _Fucking_ Feelings!”

“Mm.” V nods sagely.

Sighs.

“Pan.” Gestures. Raises an arm - helplessly. Before letting it - fall. Just as uselessly. “You’re my Best Friend. You are my Best. Friend.” (It’s _Important_.) “Never thought I’d let anyone Near that spot in my heart again. After - -” _Shit_ ;

Throat still Locks up to it.

“Jackie?” The Aldecaldos’ Leader guesses softly. And V Merely nods.

“Don’t think anyone Understands me Better than you. Jude does - in a different way. A Beautiful way. But. With You. Just feels like you’ve Always _Been_.”

Panam smiles. Nods like she **_Knows_**. “When I offered you a place among the Aldecaldos - I convinced myself it was for you. Saw the echo - the Reflection - Knew what it was like for a nomad in Night City; the Ache that never truly goes away….” A harsh breath. “I wanted you to have a Home. A Family. What you gave Back to me. But now I realize. Huh. I did not want you to Leave.” _Crippling_. The admission looks _Crippling_ for her. “I Wanted to Keep seeing You.”

…Grasps the arm that still holds on to her jacket. Squeezing it. “Thank you.”

A jerky nod. Woman blinking rapidly. “But, V, I am - Terrified. Never have I felt closer to Anyone outside of Mitch. Scorpion.” _Pain_. “Never to someone outside the Family. You were nomad, but. It was still - …” purses her lips. Almost - _Grimacing_. “I Do Not Want to Lose what we Already have. Not for this. Something I was too Stupid not to see when it slapped me across the face.”

V exhales; running a hand over the kinky waves of her tied red-blue hair. Before sweeping fingers over shaved sides. “Getting. Getting a _Lot_ of Bombs dropped on me recently…. Need to. Need to think about this, Pan.”

“I. Understand.” The Aldecaldos leader wraps the hand at her arm. Before gently removing it.

Stepping back. “Again: I won't interfere.” V nods. Panam’s lips pressing in a grim line. “Will you tell Judy?”

Another Nod. “Kinda have to. Need to talk to her about it - I mean, she was the one who Noticed in the first place.” Shit. That. That’s gonna _Suck_. “Maybe. There’s something to be done here.”

Panam eyes her cautiously. A Guarded sort of alarm. “What does that Mean, V?”

“It means you’re Both Important to me and I don’t want anything _Fucked_ Up. And that we should _All_ talk. Eventually. For now;” _sighs_. Offering a cheerless smile. “Thanks for telling me, Pan. Know that must’ve been Hell.”

A Bitter scoff. “A Hell of my own making.”

“Mm.” Can’t _Argue_ or **Lie** it away. “For now - let’s Delta.” She’s rolling her shoulders again. Feels - - More _Wound up_. Fucking _Tense_. Than when she Arrived. “Let this. Air out. See where it lands tomorrow. …Come on.” Gestures to tent’s entrance. Bidding other woman go first. “Panzer won’t test-drive itself.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’mma just write this ’til I don’t feel like writing it anymore. lol I know myself well enough it won’t stop ’til it’s Out of me. Getting a ‘snippets in time’ vibe that I may or may not Plot to. We see. First chap’s sort of a Meeting(Colliding) of Worlds. Having V act the way she normally does with either woman, but those women now able to actually _Witness_ it. Oooo~


	2. Pickin' Up Glass

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any old school Family Guy watchers out there? Remember the bit on Tom Cruise running from his GAY thoughts? That’s how I imagine Pan in my head right now. The COWARD. XD
> 
> But - Woow~ Was *Not* expecting Overwhelming Level of interest. And just Love. You all are giving me such GOOD VIBES - such Positive flow - and I’m HERE for IT. There’s such - TRUST in me handling these characters. I’m floored. While just plain loving to see I’m not the only one who wants these babes Happy Together. THEY DESERVE IT. Another sincere round of Thanks to everyone who left a comment/kudosed/bookmarked/subscribed. Hope you keep the first of those coming - love seeing your thoughts. <3
> 
> And (I can’t say ‘Happy’) early New Year. 2020 was… **sound effect**. Very, very Bad. Doubt it’ll just - Poof - in a day. (I have a theory we’ll all Collectively sob in a corner on our midnights.) Don’t even know where I’ll be next year; and I’m so sure many of you are in the same boat. So I wanted to get this out with the Hope it at least gives some Escape(Relief?). No Shame in that.
> 
> On to chapter 2~

* * *

“Com’ on! Gimme three more!”

“ _Fuuuuuck_ …” V - _Grunts_. _Breathing_ through it. Thrusting the (slightly shivering) barbell with 145 pounds worth of **plates** racked on either side (plus the _45-fucking-pound bar_ ) in the Air once more. Mitch Dutifully spotting her; ganic and metal hands hovering inches from the bar as she gradually brings it back down. ( _Sucks_ _in_ Air -)Making sure she doesn’t Lose her Form.

Pushes out: Several —- _Ragged_ _breaths_ … - blinking the sweat from both her eyes - as she **Girds** Braced arms through the _Strain_ of resting **Weight** ….

“Two! _Com’ on_ , V! - _Push_!”

Feels her arms - wobble. Toes _flexing_ in spread _shoes_. As she tries to do Just _That_ , only to falter midway -

Have to return to Rest position. Bar back at her Chest.

Shit.

(Can Almost _Hear_ Johnny - _Ridiculing_ her:)

‘ _Gonna puss out now? Own grandmother could lift this Much before takin’ her morning_ _Piss_ _. All she had was Arthritis. But - Look at You - with your Fancy Gorilla Arms. Punking the Fuck out._ ’

 _Not even Using ‘em - you_ _Asshat_.

Hasn’t sent the neural command to Activate their inhuman strength. Tell it just how much _Juice_ to crank out depending on what she Needed. Otherwise: she’d squash everything in hand like an overripe _banana_. Whether she Wanted it or _Not_.

Every Drop of Effort — **_Her_**.

Giving Her - _All_. To: Latest Rampant Distraction.

(Doesn’t want to—- _Think_ )

‘ _Wastin’ time Bitchin’ about it_. _Worryin’ about Feelings and Shit. Got two Lesbos - Prime pieces of ass - wanting to Bang the Living daylights out of you - Oh, Boo-Fuckin’-hoo… Just_ _Fuck_ _._ _Them_ _. Already!_ ’

 _Shut_.

 **Grips** the textured barbell.

The - _Fuck_.

Arcs her back. Muscles - _Screaming_ ;

 _Up_!

 _ Pumps_ \- - Last two of her Longest rep yet with something akin to _Snarl_ before Mitch takes the weight over; gently leads it back to its cradle.

“Fuckin’ Fifty!” The man Hoots. As the rubber band-boiled noodle Hybrid that are Now her arms - _Ache_ \- in quiet Relief. “Damn. Guess I owe you that Beer.”

“ _D-Damn straight_ …” _rasps_.

 _Groans_ … Rolling from the Hard, sweat-slicked Bench beneath her back to stagger to a sitting position. Metal-clad fingers gripping both her knees as she leans ( — _pitches_ —) slightly forward. Inhaling through mouth.

(Feels - _sick_ …)

“Whoa there. Lookin’ shakier than a virgin in a whorehouse.” Mitch clasps a hand on one of her shoulders. Probably in an attempt to keep her from Falling. “You all right?”

V shoots him a thumbs-up. High above her head. “You know,” - - _Exhales_ ; “had a. Had a friend who figured liftin’ weights a form of. Meditation. But I’ll tell you - here and _now_ — some _Bullshit_.” Tugs at the sweat-drenched tank plastered to her rapidly cooling skin. “I am Not ‘Nama’. Nor fucking ‘ _ste_ ’.”

“I can see that.” Mitch releases her. Stepping back just enough to get a good look. “What’s on your mind, V?”

“Why’s.” Swipes Angrily at a bottle of water that tumbles Defiantly to the ground. “Why's there gotta be anything on my mind?”

“Well, besides the Fact you’re sweating more than a whore in a church house come Easter Sunday -”

“You. Have - A _Lot_. Of analogies involving whores.” Swallows more Air. “Startin’. Starting to feel _Aggressive_.”

“Oh, well _excuse me_ for encroaching upon your delicate sensibilities, m’lady. I’ll make sure to keep all ‘whore’ talk to a minimum from now on.” V _Huffs_ a scoff. “Now - are you gonna Keep stallin’ or tell me what’s actually on your damn Mind?”

Squints at the man.

(Kinda pissed. But Kinda impressed;)

Gathering harsh, staccato breaths…. Before: bending and _Groaning_ again - -

Placing her head in her hands. “Mitch. Mitch - I am _Fucked_ , Mitch.”

“All right, all right, settle down, Drama Queen. Before you start to hyperventilate.” Forces her to _breathe_ … Look his way; until she’s Finally caught her breath. “Okay. What the Hell is this about?”

“Panam.” The man’s brow Immediately ridges - face growing a sudden Solemn at mention of the new Aldecaldos leader and woman as much a sister to him.

Looses a few more drained pants. “Mitch. Panam -” gulps; “sees me as More than a friend.”

….Mitch reaches up to cover his mouth (-- is he _Fucking_ _Grinning_??) before Wiping the expression growing on his face. Regarding her passively.

Then (--having the _Nerve_ \--) Fashioning a look of - Shock.

“ _Golly_.”

…V stares at him. Shoulders beginning to - _shake_. “You. Fucking. _Knew_.”

 ** _Traitor_**.

“What? _Nooo_. I’m just so. So - gosh-darned _s-shocked_ _is_ _a-all_ —” The man Dissolves into a Laughing _Fit_.

Curling into himself. Grasping both knees.

V’s eye twitches. Watching as he eventually breaks into dry _Wheezes_. Clutching his stomach. “Did. Everyone. Know. But _Me_?!?”

“If - if by ‘ _Everyone_ ’- -” Now _Mitch_ is the one catching his breath;

Fucker.

…Wipes the corner of each of his eyes. “You mean ‘the Whole Damn _camp_ ’ — Preetty Much. Even had a pool going for how Long it’d take you Two to finally lock lips. Hell, some of the ‘Caldos even planned the Damned Wedding!”

“ _Fuck_.” (That’s actually really _Sweet_ , but)- - _Scrabbles_ from bench. Stepping up to Meet him toe-to-toe. Eye-to-Eye. “Why? _Why_ didn’t you say - -” _hisses_ , “ _Anything_ , Mitch?"

The man has the Decency to actually look sober. Straightening and Staring back Unwaveringly. “Besides thinkin’ it Obvious?” Reaches to one of the pockets of his jumpsuit. Rummaging around in it. Yanking out a mildly bent cigarette. “Panam won’t do Anything ‘til she’s good’n ready. Doesn’t matter how clear it is to Anyone else.” Goes to straightening out the white-wrapped stick. “Didn’t wanna drag you into any unnecessary Torment. _Shit_ \- Everyone saw the Look on your face after you stopped Flirtin’, V.”

Feels a - - _sharp_ in her chest. Something like an—old Pain.

There _is_ No Privacy.

Shakes her head ( _Tightening_ her _Fists_ ) - Turning Away. “- Fuck!”

“So.” Hears the telltale - _click_ \- of lighter. Already catching - sting - of _Nicotine_ in the air. “Everything’s finally out on the Table. Finally. Pan told you, huh?” An audible - _Drive_ of smoky air. Like he’s almost - - Relieved. “Now comes the Million Dollar Question: How do You feel about her?”

 _Whirls_ on a heel. Glaring at the man. Utterly **_Frustrated_**. “I don’t…” tosses her hands “— Really _Fucking_ _Confused_ , Mitch!”

Mitch shrugs a shoulder. Flicking away ash with the wind. “What’s so confusing?”

“For _One_ — in Case you _Forgot_ — I have an _Output_.”

A nod. Man taking another drag. “Judy. Great girl. Smart as a whip. Would likely fine-tune the Basilisk so Sweet she’d actually be able to get her to the Moon if I wasn’t gettin’ in her way.”

(There’s that **_Pride_** again…) Prickling through her limbs and making her _Beam_ like the compliment’s _Hers_.

Feels her fists - loosen. Light. “ _Love her_ , Mitch.”

“An' she Loves you - can spot it a Mile away.” Makes her smile that much _Wider_ ;

( _Happy_.)

“But that was Never the Issue here.” The cigarette is lined to his mouth; another Deep drag - as butt of it burns a flitting orange. Grey pushed out from flaring nostrils. “You know what nomad life’s like: Long as it doesn’t hinder the Family, interfere in the well-being of all, you’re well and Free to do as you choose.” V nods. “So - why hasn't it Occurred to you, you could have them Both?”

Freezes. (Mind— _Slamming_ to a— **Halt**.) Words seeming to - Override - something in her.

(… _Why_ …?)

Still remembered what it had been like with the Bakkers: Various couples and groups finding their - _Happiness_.

Why hadn’t she even - _Considered_ _It_?

Never. Thought - Aversely to it until Now. Never saw it as weird or unnatural.

(Whatever Doubts she has lying in _Herself_.)

Didn’t _think_ ,

 _Two_ **people** -

Shit — _One_.

Would ever.

… _Love_ ….

…

But How will **_They_** \-- _Feel_?

Maybe Sensing her - _Conflict_. Maybe wanting to Throw her a Lifeline - Mitch wags his cigarette in front of her. Catching her attention with the motion. “Here’s a way to make it easier on yourself: Isolate the variables. You and Panam — No one else for a moment: How do you feel about her?”

V quickly opens her Mouth - but

Nothing leaves it.

( _Loves_ _her_ as a Friend) - But —

Why Can’t she **_Say_** _It_?

Try as she Might; words getting Choked in her throat; _Crushed_ in her _Lungs_ \- Every. **Damn**. Time.

Now this New Door’s been - Opened in her.

And - That is…

(Fucking _Terrifying_ )

Squeezes her Hands **Back** into Fists - Nails _digging_ into Palms - - until she’s Forced to Look Away.

(What does that Mean?)

What does that - - _Mean_?

“Mhm.” Mitch finally gives. (And it feels like **Condemnation**.) Taking another draw of rapidly fading stick.

“I need to -” mutters. Mouth working Wordlessly. “Gotta Go…”

“Wait -” the cigarette is tossed away(but she’s already Turning), “Dammit — I said _Wait_ , V!”

The man running up beside her — Standing in Front and _Not_ letting her Pass.

 _Growls_. “What do you _Want_ from me, Mitch?”

“For you to Go Easy on Panam. Only one has to be Beatin’ herself Up More than you right now—is Her. I just Know it.” Says the words; but all she can see is Sympathy on his face. For _Her_. “Don’t think I have to tell you how our Leader feels about You.”

Doesn’t.

And that’s what Makes

\- **Everything** -

So Much _Fucking_ _Harder_ ….

(Tastes: _bile_.) Acid Guilt and - - _Agony_ ;

Shifts to move past him—Mitch not stopping her—without another word. Snatching her towel from one of the rungs of the bench press. Water bottle still sprawled across sand. ( _Furiously_ )Wiping sweat and stalking away.

‘ _Told you_ : _Should just Fuck them before they Fuck you. Like I said. But you Never Fucking_ _Listen_ _, Do you?_ ’

“ _Just like Me_.”

Eyes - shoot - _Wide_ ,

Words - _Jolting_ her ( — _Scaring the_ **Shit** _Out of her_ —) when they Come out of her Own mouth.

A - _side effect_?

Residual _imprint_? Didn’t Think it would All Just - Go _Away_.

 _Scratches_ Angrily at her scalp;

 _Why are you Still in My_ ** _Head_**?

Like she Needs _this_ Shit on Top of —- _Everything_ ** _Else_**.

Pretty Sure she **Didn’t** Ask: ‘ _What Would Johnny Do_?’

Even if: It’s _His_ fucking body. Cosmic fucking _Joke_ ; when it was -

( **Hers** ) _First_.

Why Wouldn’t _his_ thoughts _Nestle_ — **Manifest** —in a container Assumed -- _His_?

Maybe — She’s just the **Parasite** now.

(fuckin’ Six-month - _glitch_ )

But there’s no Arasaka biochip working to ensure _Her_ Life.

“ _Ugh_.” More bile. Now mixed with **_Disgust_**.

Continues dabbing off sweat; pouring what’s left in water bottle over her head. Cleaning off neck, back and shoulders. Letting them Dry in high-noon sun. Waving to and acknowledging all the Aldecaldos who call out(whistle, gesture, _Smile_ ) to her -

 _Hungry_ for Next Distraction.

* * *

A Day passes — like she Wanted — for things to _Calm_ …. For Dust to settle;

For — All of Them to just have Time to -- _Breathe_

Maturely and Responsibly: **_Figure_** _this_ ** _Shit_** _out_.

Like the goddamn Adults they _were_.

(But Apparently she _Overestimates_ ) ‘ **Shit** ’ turns out to be _Pervasive_. Becoming - _even More_ _Awkward_. Despite her _Distinct_ **Desire** for things **_Not_**. To. **Get**. _Weird_.

(Because - _Fuck_ Stereotypical distancing. Hiding Scared from the problems she _Knows_.)

Letting Blatant issues _Stew_ and _Fester_ \- -

This is her **Best Friend** and her _Output_.

‘Cept: Panam’s a _Runner_. (Doesn’t know - _Why_ \- she thought that would Up and — _Change_ \- -)

Has been as Long as she’s known her. **Still**. Unable to curb the sting, the - _Hurt_ ; when the other woman Continuously( _Conveniently_ ) makes _Excuses_ every time she tries to Pull her Away and **_Talk_**.

(Un)Surprisingly - Easy. For one who Leads an Entire nomadic group.

Last encounter between them that could be called anything Close to proper ‘ _Interaction_ ’ - when they took the Basilisk out for another test-run. Judy and Mitch using data compiled from their last ride to tweak and calibrate the panzer’s targeting system just that little Bit - _more_.

New sort of —- _Consciousness_. Springing up while they were Connected. Trembling undercurrent through their shared link - something _smothered_ and _hot_ -surging **_Pulse_** spiking her _own_ …when V Smiled her way after some Satisfying Target practice (otherwise known as: _Blowin’ Shit_ _Up_ ). Targeting system Better than _Ever_ — wanting to Praise her friend’s precision and bursts of fire before being - _Engulfed_ …. _Tangled_ in **Heavy** _Feeling_ ….

smile immediately Collapsing.

(So - - _Different_.) From other’s Usual Laser Focus. Steady Adrenaline. Unwavering **Intent**.

Panam ripping her jack out so _Quick_ , switching to Autopilot - Leaving V - _Reeling_ … Mind windin’ in a _tailspin_ — until they returned. Aldecaldos Leader nearly _tripping_ as she scrambled out her personal hatch. Gritting a hasty goodbye.

In the middle of Thinking on it (— What the _Fuck_ happened **_There_**? —) What she could have Done Better; what she should have done - _Less_? - For: _Next_ time -

When Judy rounds on her in their tent; once-occupied stool apparently Long Abandoned(—- _Shit_ -

**Didn’t** _Notice_.) Tech Staring her down with an Unmistakable Frown. The: ‘ _You Keeping Somethin’ from Me?_ ’ one.

“Somethin’s up.” ( ** _Fuck_**.) Output’s chin jabs her way. Sharp. Feeling Nothing short of: _Indictment_. “Don’t know what happened ‘tween you and your friend, but Panam’s been actin’ buggy as Shit since yesterday. When the two of you are usually Inseparable.” And Then Comes the Dreaded - _Arm Cross_. Making a physical Barrier; projecting steely Distrust. “Got a story for me, V?”

Startles. From the—pinpoint _Accuracy_.

(Of _Course_ her output would be the Wild Card in this.)

It’s fucking - _Judy_.

Likely should have guessed a person who used to tune virtus for a living would be —- _Really Fucking_ _Observant_.

Know: **Human Nature**.

( — _Loves her_ For It —)

Just. - Not - **_Now_**.

Not When she hasn’t Figured Out _How_ to Bring Things up to her;

Swimmin’ in her own Personal _Hell_.

Knows there’ll Never be a ‘ _Best Time_ ’ — but would prefer - at the very _Least_ \- not _Whacking_ her output upside the Head with it.

Looks up from their shared bed (Mind scrambling for an _Answer_ …)

_Tick, tick, tick, tick_

\- shifts: On joined, padded cots - Nervously. Making Judy’s Dark, omniscient stare— _hone_ that much Sharper.

Ahh - _Fuckery_.

This is **_It_** , isn’t it?

(Can’t Lie)

 _Won’t_ Lie.

V Clasping(— _Wringing_ —)her hands. “So - here’s a shock.” Grins and wills it not to - - _Falter_. “You were Right.”

Judy inclines a thick brow. Not returning the expression. Looking - More and More - Perturbed. “‘Bout?”

“You should.” Stifles a - _Wince_. Full of her solo training coming to Bear. “…May wanna sit.”

“Fuckin’ fine standing - _Spill it_ , V.”

 _Shit_ , _shit_ \- _Shit_ , “Panam.” ….chuckles. But it leaves pretty _Fuckin’_ _Miserable_. “Apparently. Uh.” Scratches at the scars at her cheek. Doting on a particular one. “Panam. Seems like she Does \- Mm. Like me. More than a choom would -” Judy’s eyes _Flash_ , brows _tumbling_ — V shooting a Hand in the Air. Cutting her off before she goes _Too_ _Far_ _Down_ that Rabbit Hole; “ _Didn’t_ see it Coming. Jude—was Completely _Blindsided_. Only brought it up because you did - Wanted to make sure Pan knew so we weren’t disregarding your Feelings.”

Her output (fumes). Stills. Eyes roving across her face — Inspecting every Detail (More— _Intent_ —than enemy surveillance…). Judy -- _Finally_ \-- allowing her a Nod. “Believe you.” Arms - slacken just a _little_. “Never lied to me, V. Don’t think you’d start now.”

…Opens and Closes her mouth. “…. _Huh_.” Blinks dumbly. Like she hasn’t _Earned_ It. “That. Was not the response I was expecting…”

Maybe this _Wouldn’t_ be so Terrible?

Dark eyes round on her again. “Not Done yet. Still haven't Told me what you said Back.”

V huffs a breath. “I - told her it was Insane.” Judy’s brows dip. “That I had: _You_.” _Stresses_ it.

Even as she feels like she’s Swallowin' - _Knots_ ;

Mind in Utter _Disarray_ trying to _Recall it_ All -

(So _Much_ to that Moment…)

So many -- _Words_ ,

Feelings

Feels: **_Chaotic_** in hindsight.

Messy Debate in her head on what to and Not to say. When she Barely — _grasps_ — the pieces herself. Quickly adds. “Told her she told me she wasn’t into women. That - I.” Feels her own brows crumple. “Then she told me she didn’t Plan it - Just - - happened. That she wanted to make a Home for me….” shakes her head. Not lingering on the (- _Beautiful_ -) of that. “Said she Wouldn’t Interfere—Wouldn’t tear us apart. Would - _Never_. Despite that.”

“What did You say?”

 **Repeats**.

“That I.” V swallows. Hard. “ _Shit_ , Jude.” Tech’s eyes remain Unmoved. “That I had to think-”

“ _Fuck_ you have to ‘think’ about, V?” Judy’s tone Drops an octave. And she doesn’t know if that’s - Better or _Worse_ \- than her Screaming.

Feels her throat clog— _Regardless_. “I just -” stumbles. Fingers straight up _wrenching_ now. “Felt. We both needed to Cool down. Emotions were runnin’ high. I-I…”

(‘Didn’t know what else to _Say_?’)

But it’s a Fucking _Dick_ move. **Still** Doesn’t _Answer_ Judy’s Question --

(Why **Did** she have to _Think_?)

What does she - -- _Want_?

Judy leaves her in her Silence. **Staring**. Cold remote to her gaze. Sudden -Absence from the conversation - like she’s: Pullin’ _Away_

 _Scares her_ ;

That she can’t _Read her_ in the moment. Lips twisting with something V can’t readily name.

 _Terrified_ she’s come to some sort of _Terrible_ **Conclusion**. When she - _Can’t_ …

 _Can’t_ \- _Even_ ….

“ _Judy_ …” (clenches _teeth_.) Single name leaving… so Helplessly.

Other woman turning from her - - stalking to Far End of tent( - — feels like _Miles_ ….).

Shaking her head.

Not facing her.

Stays seated. (Even when it—- _Hurts_.) Even when she wants to _Spring_ into _Action_ and

— _Hug her_.

Something in her output’s spine. Saying she made —- Space —- for a Reason;

 **Needs** It.

(Time she _Swears_ she sees Tattooed shoulder _trembling_ ;) “What are you tryin’ to Ask me, V?”

Feels her throat clog.

 ** _Burn_** ;

Hands falling. Spreading across dark blanket. Sheets. Texture—Rough—beneath her quaking palms. “….Don’t know.”

quiet.

Only - _Truth_ she can give.

“You want _Permission_?” Judy _Whips_ back to Face her. ( _God_ \- and it’s - So Much. _Worse_ …) Voice - _Rising_ now. **Steady** Fever-pitch. “ _That_ what you Want?” Tech - _scoffs_. Eyes blinking; act Angry and _Volatile_. “‘Cuz if it is, least have the fuckin' _Courage_ to _Say_ It.”

\- - _Aches_. “ _No_ \- Jude! - _I_.” Stares at her with gaping mouth. “Was I not supposed to _tell_ you? I couldn’t -” V feels her body starting to - _Shake_. “Couldn’t _Keep_ _it_. After.” (So Much _Shit_ in her Head started to _Light up_ —-

Make — **_Sense_**.)

“If I kept it from you - Might’ve _Lost_ you. _Can’t_ ….” _Grimaces_. Teeth _Clamping_ down once more.

Dipped in - - _Agony_ \- -

Just at the Thought.

Finally (jerkily) stands. But doesn’t Move from her spot. “Nothing has to change. Nothing has to _Change_.” - _Begging_. “I. Just. - Don’t.” Clutches bottom of her shirt( _Strangling_ it). Brows furrowing harshly. “…Want Anybody _Lonely_.”

Silence.

….Judy closing her eyes. With a shake of her head V can’t Discern as Distress or Self- _Contempt_. “Anyone else said that -- god, I’d be so fuckin' Done with their _shit_. Packed and Left Already.” (Feels - the _choked_ _whimper_ Die in her throat;) “But - - You.” Tech inhales. Hands grasping to hold herself. Bottom lip - _quivering_. “ _Fuck_ , V.”

_I’m Sorry_

Judy glares at the ground. Expression roiling; souring like she wants to _Spit_. “So - what? You want Like an - - Open relationship?”

Hidden Question there(it’s _Perilous_ ):

‘Am I not _Enough_?’

Immediately— _rushes_ Forward. Takes her output’s Hand. Wrapping single, ink-scrawled extremity in Both her Own. Placing it to her Chest. “I Don’t Want That.” Looks Judy in the eye. “I Don’t want ‘open’.” Knows through all the **Shit** left to _wade_ —

What she Feels — _Isn’t_ **That**.

Only - Two Women. Two. Enough to penetrate her heart.

V clutches Judy’s hand—Tighter. “I Want You. And I. Want…” _Explain. It._ “I Want. The ones I love to be Happy.”

Other woman scoffs; but it’s benign. Smiles something bitter. “Sometimes. You’re just too damn Kind for your own Good.” A - tender. Behind all the—- **_Pain_**. Dark eyes flicking away. “Ain’t Never been a World where everyone can Win.”

V swallows. Face scrunching Tight once more.

‘Til Judy… looses - A breath. Too shaky; too _sad_.

Looks back up at her. “Why can’t it just be - _Us_ , V?”

 ** _Pain_** ;

Feels her lips part - trembling to - - _Answer_. **_Guilt_** _Clawing_ at _Every_. _Attempt_ ; Hot - Wet — _Pressure_ — welling behind her eyes.

 _God_ -

A tear falls.

_Hurts_

**Pit** in her Chest;

Her Chest; Her - _Throat_ -

A **_Pit_**.

“Don’t want your tears.” Thumb swipes under her eyes. Gathering them away. Judy’s expression - _Unstable_ \- in her blurring vision. “You love her - right?”

“I Love _You_.”

_I’m so Sorry_

“ _V_ …”

Frustrated— -Annoyed. But it’s - _Weak_ , too.

Showing the other **Believes** It.

V stares at their Joined hands. Getting - Strength from it. Blinking back up to her. “I don’t Know.” Even _she’s_ \- **_Sick of It_**. “As a friend—Absolutely. But. Jude. My head’s all _Fucked_ _up_. Feels like - feels like My heart is _breakin_ ’….”

_So, So Sorry_

“Know what it is to Want You.” Judy huffs - a watery sound. “Want you so Bad it _Hurts_ …. Know if I was in her shoes… _Shit_.” Tech’s head tilts with - _Reluctant_ Understanding. Eyes closing. “I’d Want you too.” V stares at her(Doesn’t— ** _Dare_** say a Word). Something - _churning_ \- in her chest. “But I don’t.” Output’s lips falter. Trying to close around the Feeling. “Don’t have nothin’ to Give. Not now.”

Feels the Movement in her chest—- **Stall**.

What Can she _Say_ to that?

How isn’t it — _Fair_?

“…okay.” V grips her hand. Squeezes it light. (Wants to _Kiss it_ …Leave it to her Lips) - But. “Okay; I’ll.” Swallows. Around a dry mouth. ( _Mournfully_ )Releasing her.

…Backing away. “Think I should leave.”

Judy doesn’t stop her.

Click of a lighter all she gets as tent flap hits her on the way out.

* * *

The sunset is Cold. Brilliant.

Dense, Cloudy Streaks of Pinks and Purples and Oranges. (Morphing _Medley_ of _Saturated_ _Vibrance_ )…. Reminds her of sherbet. Colorful little pools of inevitably melting ice cream She had as a Bakker kid.

(A Rare - _Treat_.)

Everything so - _Simple_ then.

(Two scoops or three,)

V scoots on the hill; prickly desert flora pricking her ass. Like they won’t let her Forget what she just did

\- _Who_ she just — **_Hurt_**.

Nothing more Fitting than the Land telling a nomad she’s Just so **_Fucking_** \-- _Stupid_.

…Looks up to the sky. Head lolling back. Expanse before her Already - _Different_ \- than it was just seconds prior.

Shadows Tinting clouds now — Taking them. Giving: _Ominous_ **Weight**.

About to _Really_ get into it - - Muse how the Coming **Darkness** matches the creeping _Anguish_ in her _Soul_ —

Before a Body crashes down next to her(Shoulder _jostlin_ ’ her Own.) -

Panam sitting and glancing her way as if she’d always Been There. Cocked brow that arches as if **_Daring_** her to dispute it.

“You look like Shit.”

(Would - scoff a Laugh.) If she wasn’t in so much Damn _Agony_. “You’re one to talk.”

And that’s It. That’s their Peace offering.

Much as a Wave of the white flag as Either of them will do.

Both turning away; Looking back to sky. Quiet sneaking up on them in-between; Silence settling in in the meantime.

 _Until_ \- - “ _God_ …” ( _Awe_.) V stretching her arms — Wide — in the air. As if she can make a _Grab_ for one of those Pretty colors. “Forgot how Beautiful the sunsets were out here. Go on for _Forever_ …”

“Missed it?” Brown eyes flick to her over leather shoulder.

“ _Hell_. _Yes_.” Smiles. soft. “Couldn’t get this back in the city.” Takes in a - Clean breath. _Deep_. Nothing but Good ol’ Nature…. Before side-eyeing the other woman. “So. Finally stopped Avoiding me?”

The Aldecaldos Leader Rubs a hand over her forehead; fingers coming to rest across freckles spanning bridge of her nose self-consciously. “That Obvious?”

“Could see little _smoke trails_ in your wake every time I headed your way…”

“You know what?” Panam’s hand drops. “I have Decided I _Despise_ you - Actively _Abhor_.”

“…Anything else?”

“Nope.” Glances away smugly. “Just wanted you to Know that.”

(Can’t - help) small _quirk_. Of smile on her lips. Lowering her arms. “Love you too, Pan.”

Both of them grow silent. V frowning at the flash of - _Strife_ crossing her friend’s features at a phrase that—- _Used to be so_ _Easy_.

(Another - ‘Simple’ — - _Lost_.)

“Please.” And it’s that _Pleading_ tone she’s only heard Once before. “Do Not.” Dark brows wrinkle and meet. “N-Not. Unless.”

V nods.

Finally. Gets it in that Moment—- Sudden( ** _Painful_** ) _Realization_ :

She makes Panam. **Stop**.

“Since you’re out here viewing the sunset Alone, I can only assume you’ve spoken to Judy.” A Loud, Long sigh. “And she is _Pissed_.”

Nods again. “Jude is. …Mm.” Feels her face - _Wrench_ \- without her Permission. **_Twist_** with all her: Inner Demons. “Needs Time to herself. Needs Alone. I’ll just - Muddle it.” - _Scoffs_. “I _Caused_ it.” Digs. Toes of shoes into sand. “Least I can do.”

Panam nods this time. And: Silence Reigns Again.

(God - The _Stop_ and _Start_ of them - — _Agonizing_ ….)

But. A: **Punishment** she’ll _Take_.

Aldecaldos Leader - Tensing beside her. “You know what Sucks? Just - Truly Fucking _sucks_?”

“…Have a feeling you’re gonna tell me…”

“ _You_.”

“Yeeep.” V nods. Having the Distinct Impression it was gonna Go that way.

“And being so goddamn _Easy_ to talk to. You are - - _Infuriating_!” The other woman rants on - as if she never spoke. “Whenever I had a problem - who would I call - or _message_ \- or _vent_ to? _You_. But now you are the _Cause_ of the Problem. And I -” Panam’s words finally start to lose steam. Brows tucking—Tight—once more. “Don’t have Anyone else I can go to this with.” ….Booted foot kicks up sand. “It’s All So _Fucked_ , V.”

Finds herself nodding for the umpteenth time in - - However the _fuck_ long. “Hours ago — just a _Day_ — an’ Everything was so Different….” V. Takes: Another breath. Letting it _Spread_ her Lungs. “Don’t Know how it All got so Complicated, so quick.”

“Maybe this would always happen.” Panam - scoffs. As if she Knows it - Well. “The Inevitable crash.”

(Doesn’t - nod to that.) Fingers clawing at silty earth. “Need to ask you something.” V turns the other's way. “Because I’m destroying my Life over this, Pan - what little of it I have Left.”

“I didn’t _Ask_ you to destroy it.” **_Seethed_**. Other woman— _Tensing_ Up again. Closing Off. “I told you to _Leave It_. That I would not interfere.”

V nods. Conceding. “And that was - pretty damn Selfless. Kind. But." Lips tighten. “I Couldn’t let you do it.” Smiles(?). Leaning back; arms angled behind. Looking again to sky. “Couldn’t leave you to Alone.”

The Aldecaldos Leader -- _Curls_ even More into herself. Drawing knees to Chest.

Almost: looks a _child_. Small and incredibly _fragile_.

Wanting so _much_ … For all the World to be— **Held**.

But V can’t Do that yet. Not in the Way she thinks she wants to(—not as: ‘friend’).

Not in the way the other Needs -- _Most_.

…sighs. “Trying to work this out. Tryin’…” shakes her head. “To get Everyone to _Happy_. But - you Can’t have me Alone.” Looks over to her. “I’m a Packaged deal. If we Did this — Do you Want Me? Want - _Us_?”

There’s nothing but the Wind around them. For a Long Time: There’s only the Faint murmuring hum of Aldecaldos in the background.

Panam not answering.

But,

Eventually;

… _Gradually_ ….

there’s a barely perceptible - nod.

V -

 _Exhales_.

Pushes from ground and Dusts herself off. Dirt away from her backside.

Nodding. Once. Before turning away;

“All right.”

( _To work_.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ….This one was Painful. I am in Pain? Ouch. Once again, the characters threw me for a loop and *Burned* what I formerly wrote to the Ground. But. Always a good thing when my own writing makes me FEEL this much.
> 
> To leave on a - somewhat - lighter not: since I’m a writer who doesn’t Shove OC description down readers’ throats - unless they’re looking in a mirror (rather give lil tidbits relevant to the scene, lil puzzle pieces to be put together). Still! - providing links ([Here](https://i.postimg.cc/wTQnmD1P/IMG-1021.jpg) and [Here](https://i.postimg.cc/d1JyLMpg/IMG-1022.jpg)) to anyone who’d rather just know what story V looks like. And - YUUUP - she Sure Does have Snake tattoo - (which FUNNY STORY - didn’t even KNOW that would be relevant to Nomad lifepath, but it turned out to be very Deep?? DAMN.)


	3. Weird Fishes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Judy chap! Eat ya Hearts Out, Judy STANS~

* * *

She’s.

Tired.

Bunked with Carol the last few days(Knowing Panam would’ve taken her in— _Knowing_ : Aldecaldos Leader Would have done so without a second _Thought_ —-) But.

 **Didn’t**. Didn’t(wanna - _Enjoy it…_ ); didn’t wanna Pay for the optics. How it’d \- _Look_.

 _Wounding_ her output then — _Running_. To the Arms of Other woman Everyone Knew **Loved** her.

Legacy hacker gracious enough to let V stay as her temporary roommate. (Only - some)Gentle roasting on why her ass was hiding out in the first place. Head shaking. Red-lensed eyes glinting over at her with something like: Lenience.

Didn’t -- Outright _Laugh in her Face_ like Mitch(- Fucker) upon filling older woman in; but there: An easy smirk once she spilled about Panam. The same wry _tilt_ \- like when she drawled out her - …friend. Calling V when she already Had a Full Crew—‘ _Interesting_ ’. Slant to head Claiming Carol **Saw All** ; but huff and flick of hair( - low, quiet smile -) from usually sarcastic ‘Caldo appearing Genuinely Happy.

V. Crashing on ground(— but she’s used to that. Had - _Worse_ ).

High-quality sleeping bag. Nice, comfy Pillow - provided - and she—

… _Can’t_ _Sleep at All_ ….

Heavy lids drooping; Body going through the motions… But she’s - - Cut _off_.

Refused.

Staring at metal frame. Pitch of tent ceiling.

Mind - - _Racing_ \- - Lonely Insomnia _chant_ …. Wondering - How( _How_ , _How_ ); she can Make Things— - _Right_.

Carol (softly)nudging her to Awake. When she does Finally succumb to Darkness(—-Never feels - _Refreshed_ …). Telling her she was Whimpering. Screaming. As V blinks at her through bleary; dried-wet eyes.

(No Longer in Isolation)— _Everyone_ can _See_ It;

Panam - frowning - from careful Distance.

Her: Sunken Bags, and Gaunt _Exhaustion_ , and how she’s unusually… quiet. Times she - Can’t _Concentrate_ ; words spilling from head even as they’re Repeated to her - _again_ and _again_.

Carol - outright - **Demanding** she either _Sleep_ or Take Care of the **Damn** Problem. (Or - if she was feeling particularly ‘ _Adventurous_ ’—Both at the Same Time.) Because:

Carol - _Sees_.

Sees: Her ‘Tired’— **Soul** -deep. Withdrawal from sleeping Alone.

Without -

_Judy_

Feels the — - _Jagged_ ; her Ribs— _Compress_ ;

_Judy at her side._

Green and purple fluff of bed hair; sleepy, half-lidded gaze… Damn near - _Paralyzing_ \- through multicolored strands….

 _soft_ ,

Like her output got up early. Stirred at hint of Dawn. Just. To — watch _her_.

 _ Witness_: Moment she woke.

Husked, Dedicated “ _Mornin_ ’”… start to each of her days. Fluttering lashes welcoming her back to the world. Gleam in brown eyes - undeniably drowsy - yet: no less -- _Adoring_ ….

…V’s hand grips her chest.

 **Never**. Never - _Left_. Without — Saying **_it_** _First_.

\- _blinks_ \- suddenly Alert — vision blurring… Clearing - upon noticing she’s about to _Crash_ _into it_. Glance up; and she’s _Standing_ There…

Their: Tent.

( _How_ —

How Many _Times_ has she ended _Back_ **Here**?)

Feet - catching her Unaware; leading her Straight to it by -- _Instinct_. Addled Mind following body’s frantic Whim.

(Can’t Help the - _Recall_ )—the: Sweet **Remember**. When she made a Big Deal out of it - _Sweaty_ and _Overheated_ \- after setting up their Tent;

Clasping Judy’s hand and mimicking light(obnoxious) ‘loading noises’ like a 90s dial-up tone.

Declaring to other woman she Now had Full Access to ‘ _Tent V_ ’.

Judy’s lips _scrunching_ \- rolling in way when she Doesn’t want to Laugh at ( _Brilliant_ )jokes made at her own expense

— _Shoving_ her shoulder; exaggerating roll of eyes—before dragging her back in for a - _Kiss_ …

Smiles.

 _ Grimaces_.

Fingers falling from mouth.

 _Fuck_.

Steps to part tent(— _Do_ _It_.). Seeing her Hand( _Shake_ \- -) — Tremor _run_ through digits as she Reaches for -

 _Retracts_ ;

(Is it - _Enough_?

Should she **Give** — _More_ **Time**? More \- - _Space_?)

Who is she to dictate - ‘ ** _When_** ’ - in All This?

 _who_ …

 _The_ \- _Actual_ _Fuck_ , _V_?

Releases: small, irritated breath. Repeatedly _slaps_ a cheek.

….reaches for tent’s seam.

Parting flaps to see:

Judy

In the middle of painting. One of their canvas walls lavished with: **_Colorful_** Intent.

V -- Idling where she stands(Unmoving— _Past_. Treacherous, Invisible line of ‘Inside’).

Wait that _begs_ —

 **Needs** to _Know_ if she can _Come_ _in_.

Watching(Helpless; _Starved_ …): Judy carry out her task for Long, _Breathless_ Moments…. Paint-flecked tarp, speckled with Aldecaldos’ colors, flattened under bare feet…. Weights placed at tucked ends of canvas Keeping material— _Taut_.

Eyes: Mass. **Dark** and **Dominant**. Moody and _Water-Filled_ … Shadowy form of ( _Humpback_?)Whale; Abstracted; Summarized; _Reduced_ \- to _Essence_. Grazed by edging Darkness.

But - Looks again(second - _Third_ time); Inspects further - to see: Darkness actually - _swarm_. Strange, Gloomy fishes packed and - - _Agitated_.

(Frowns.)

Waits.

 _Isn’t_ : Acknowledged. Isn’t — _Significant_.

swallows. And. Doesn’t take Offense.

(No - **Malice** in it.)When - Judy’s. Just in _Her_ world.

Her: _Safe Place_.

Brushes - large and small - scattered around painted toes like: floor-bound halo…

Knows from Experience all she is now is a fleeting glimmer above waves. Up. From where the other peers from **Deep**.

Earbud in place. (Not knowing if other One is in.) Rose Lips soundlessly; moving around - - intermittent lyrics.

And it’s(— _Sudden_ )

The familiar _Glow_ ; the

… **_Pinpricks_** _of Awe_ ….

V only able to— _Think_ \- how

 _Lovely,_ she _is_

Each: brief and wide Movement. Way: Judy edges; then - Curves held brush -

Extending —- _streaked strokes_ of Whale’s ventral grooves;

Back. To: deposits of Paint. Metal food tray balanced on splayed fingertips; slots Filled with murky, Mysterious pigments, hastily mixed along spines. Measured - Dab, dab, _dab_ — flick of _Wrist_ … (Muscles of forearm - tattoos— _flexing_ —)Before: dabbing once more. Coating brush’s other side.

Times where tech - Abandons tray altogether. Trades it for phone. Clutching and angling device; studying its screen…gripping second paintbrush between remaining fingers. Other brush-wielding hand adding gleaned details around Sneering whale Mouth as Dark gaze - flits - from phone to canvas.

Until - - It’s discarded too(Like she’s - _Tired_ of it); back to gripping tray. Adding: Jarring, Unrealistic shades—(Umbers and Blood-Aubergines) with—Mood of an underwater Apocalypse….

Flicking - Broad, Squared brush - ( _Harsh_ and Precise) - to create **Violent** , _arcing splatters_ above Creature’s blowholes. Building: Layer upon Layer. _Bursting_ \- Navy- **Black** with flecks of Gold.

Watches and - - _shivers_ ;

 _Mesmerized_ …

(Isn’t an Artist)Doesn’t understand their: magic tricks; their -

 ** _Devil’s_** _bargains_ —

Pulling— _something_ from **Nothing**.

Judy plucking from _Vastness_ of her world and—Bringing it into _Theirs_.

Kneeling; dropping to single knee, as she details scalloped Maroon outline of Exaggerated pectoral fin. Grabbing an opaque spray bottle— _tilting_ it(—Debating) - back. forth. - with… Pensive _Deliberation_ \- - before spraying paint ’til it _drips_ ….

 ** _Violates_** : horde of Fishes.

Amount of spray controlling —

“Stayin’ there or actually coming in?”

V - Freezes. (Body rapidly— _Cooling_.) Eyes— - _Ripped_. From _Fantastical_ Image….

Doesn’t Know - _how_ she was—Caught— Understand: What _Gave Her away_ … When she’s Infiltrated

 _Countless_ _buildings_ : Undetected.

Looks Down to see she’s already—Shifted. **Backed**. To entrance. To:

 _Away_ ;

Something Inside her. Not Wanting to - **_Taint_** \- other’s — - - _Relief_

( _Panics_ )Pressing lips together; Screwing mouth shut. To keep from - - _Stammering_ ; as Judy. Stares at her.

 _ Accusing_?

 ** _Angry_**?

Can only manage jerky nod - before blinking down to Ground.

“…can. I?” croaked.

 _Wretched_ and foreign;

(Balls Hands) - Unsure. Chancing. Meet of **those** Eyes again.

But Judy‘s turned away. No longer Looking at her. Full Attention back to Painting.

(And. That’s -

_Unbearable_ …)

Heart - **Thudding** (— _Skidding_ —inside her _Chest_ ). Roaring in her ears… With each. Passing. Moment….

Other woman - spraying a few more sections. Palming bottle. Hiking it -- eyes narrowing…. Before Flicking it in a beckoning motion.

\- _looses_. _Clipped_ air.

As much an Invitation —

_Permission_

as she’s likely to Get.

V. (swallowing)Taking. Several uncertain steps forward.

Far enough that there’s still - Distance - between them.

Close enough to— **Know** her _Scent_.

Clean. (Never fussy.) Primarily tech’s own Natural fragrance. Wrapped in vanilla, smooth grit of coffee. With just a hint of _Heat_ ; a hint of - leather. Dry, Metallic _musk_.

Now: _Disrupted_. By familiar—- _Cling_ of **Tobacco**. Stench of Cigarettes. Muggy and Severe.

 _Shit_.

Just -- _Just_ \-- noticed Judy smoking - _Less_. After leaving Night City. No sign of a cig— _choked_ —between fingers; beyond - occasional Post-Coitus indulgence. So Happy, so _Proud_ ….

Always—( _Always_ )Blaming _herself_. For - - _giving in_ -

Handing over cigarette case when Judy **Demanded** it.

Line of thin smoke drifting from nearby ashtray—coiling her like

 _Blame_.

 _ You_ _Did This_.

(Checks)— _Impulse_ , Immediate **_Desire_** to Gather output in her _Arms_. Bury nose to—rose-flanked Neck. Squeeze and _Press_ ’til they’re: _Barely_ _Distinguishable_ ….

But it’s not about what She wants.

What’ll make - **Her** feel - _Better_.

Not When—-

_She’s_ : **Cause**.

Everything( _Everything_.) - Now. _Has_ to be for — _Judy_.

Other woman catching her gaze - where it **Lands**. …Reaching to put out cigarette;

Toss bottle aside.

“Look Exhausted.”

Dark eyes flit to hers - _flash_ of brief _Concern_ (Brow - knotting - before slacking even); lingering on her face…then casting away.

“No sleep without you.”

Isn’t: ‘Smooth’; isn’t: ‘a Line’. Can Only offer —- _Threadbare_ _Truth_.

(Without her,)

Loss of Consciousness. **Blackout**.

But never,

 _Rest_.

Despite that. Judy looks affected. Steel to her Limbs -- abating. If only by degrees.

Goes through multiple _iterations_ \- _Endless round_ of - _Starts_. Things to Say - things to — _Say_

Only to wind up at: “What are you listening to?”

Another step forward.

Barely able to make out. _Surge_ of vocals and percussion.

“Old song on repeat. Legend.” Bobs head to it a bit; leaky rhythm from earbud. Easing from kneel to sitting position. Crossed legs. One - jostling lightly. “Just. Really captures the Feeling.”

“Diving? Drowning?” A faint smile. Fleeting - Curve to other’s lips. Whether it be for Right answer or—Reward for her: **Remember**. “Always.” …V _sighs_. “Can I sit?”

(Doesn’t like current Dynamic between them. Her - High and output: _low_.)

Too low;

Judy. Giving her a nod. Straddling between: Consent and - - wary.

(Shuns that Ache; the - _Misery_ —) Settling on grey tarp. (Close) - But. _Not_. “Always,” starts again. “Wanted to know. Your connection with water. Ocean and sea.” Gestures to Whale and Fishes with tilt of head. “Creatures roaming in it.”

“Somethin’ like an Obsession. A -” Tech’s finger - winds - near her head. “Sort of - Madness. Kinda: Love-Hate affair. Like I can’t Escape it.” Eyes wander back to drying work. Seeing something—- ** _Beyond_** … “Sometimes. Wonderin’ if I even want to…”

V looks away from the painting. Stares at her. “…Why a whale?”

(Hushed.) Like if she speaks too Loud - she’ll - - _shatter_ it.

“Saw it in a dream.”

Nods - wordlessly - back to that. (Unfairly)Disappointed. From -

_Implication_

When it seems, other—slept just Fine.

Can’t stop Tortured-- _wrench_ \--of features. “Judy… - I -”

But her output’s pushing to Stand;

Tapping earbud then pulling it out,

Walking away.

Slowing to pause in front of: old suitcase; slipping earbud into one of Deep pockets. Considering: Collection. Brimming Array of packed art supplies.

V - shifting where she sits. Scoot against tarp to - get a Better Look.

Just. Watching for a while

—Stunned Silent—as Judy digs around. Searching for - - _something_. Rummaging hands moving with relentless **_Purpose_**.

Thinks she’s— _Fucked up_. (Possibly Being: Ignored.) Made things — that. Much. **_Worse_** \- - when the other woman

\- smiles.

Caresses small white tube like she’s: Found a Long-lost _friend_.

Glances over to her; (V’s pulse— _Spiking_ —) Gleam - _Heat_ \- in Dark Gaze.

“Paint me, V.”

Crooned. Sweet and _low_. As -

Lips tug higher.

Judy turning back to hunt in suitcase. As if - Leaving her to _Cope_ with it.

….V - blinking. (Swallowing— _Thick_.) Mind sluggish from _Sleep Deprivation_ or -- _Smoke_ \-- to those words…

Not -

_Whut?_

Not where she Thought this Talk would _Go_.

Bites down - _Question_. The— _Huh?_ — to abrupt **Demand**.

Murmurs; instead: “…Giving me your Body as a canvas?”

“Mighta - tucked away some body paints. Edible…” Glimpse of— _That_ **Look**. Over tattooed shoulder.

 **Grins** back(—- _Responding to it_ ). Unable to Halt—Instinct. Physiological - _React_ \- to: **Sight** \- -

But.

…frowns;

Shakes(- _Clears_ -) her head. “Jude.”

Tech rising to Full Height. Flipping top of suitcase Closed with - deft swipe of foot. Both Hands—Filled—with - More of the nondescript tubes. “Sure you got Plenty to say to me.” Tapered brows pitch. “Don’t wanna hear it.”

V - bites. Inside of her cheek. Feels shoulders - - slump(—Same **_Sear_** of **Pain**.) But it’s -

 _Fair_.

Head already falling to nod; stiffly Tucking fingers to shuffle off and - _Leave_ -

Paints Judy carried piled at her feet before she can move them. Output crouching before her with— **Pinning** Stare. Slowly - spreading; arranging gathered tubes in line.

“Wanna See it.” whisper soft. V helplessly—following— _hypnotic_ movements. How Judy - pairs and -- _Matches_. Colors. “Everything you gotta Say -- see it in My Language.” Inked fingers still. …Shaking. Woman glancing up to her. With something like -

 _Hope_.

Judy. Setting Finger to her lips. “…Not a Word, V.”

Blinks in rapid succession to- -Request. Easing: Pooling moisture; wet sting growing in eyes.

Not knowing—- _where_ this will Lead; what her output’s _Thinking_ — **but** :

Acquiesces.

Follows: **Her** Rules.

V - Silently nodding,

Mutely: Covering( _squeezing_ ) hand. Then -

Taking up tube of paint.

Bright, Fiery orange.

Another of those - faint smiles her way; Judy - retracting finger; leaning back on her heels. Grasping… _trailing_ …Connected black strap of her overalls between two fingers….

Releasing: pressable sides of metal fastener;

Letting synthetic leather fall. Hang below waist. Dark front flap Obscuring metal studded strip.

V’s eyes—- ** _Devouring_**. Roving: _Revealed_ expanse of - Stomach.

Lips - parting at its—Smooth. Tongue - _Aching_ \- to Press to _skin_ …

(Swallows - and)Meets Judy’s eyes — Trying to - Break - _Compulsion_ —…only to see them — Looking **Back** at her.

That - slight squint. Quiet scrutiny. Through thick Lashes. Black-rimmed lids.

Simultaneous: Gauge and - _Wonder_ ….

 _Frightening_ kind of _Intimacy_ ;

Like she’s about to Let. Her. _in_ \--

…Paint-dappled Hand drawing V: Close - before Judy; lowers to tarp-covered ground.

V

… _Exhaling_.

Shivering -

 _Fuck_ ,

At — View -

 _Offering_.

Wasting -- No _Time_ —

Metal-polymer cast of her fingers…trailing -- gun-toting shark; arching line of song verse(Gaining: affected _sigh_ )…

Withdrawing;

To - - Unscrew tube’s cap.

Coat ebony pad of finger.

V - shifting over; Matching - - _tucking_ output’s calves between her own. Weight to left elbow right outside Judy’s arm as she(- Hovers; over canvas)…

—- _Leans_ in.

Starts with a heart. (Because - _What_ _else_ but what the other’s _Stolen_?) Wet. Studious; gesture. Bringing curved tops to— **Pointed end**. Collecting more paint on her finger…. Then: Carefully Filling in outline.

Can Tell \- _Immediately_ \- output knows what she’s Done - from: Conscious Way Judy - _Beams_.

Slight( _affectionate_ ) roll of her eyes like she **Knows** \- _Charmer_ she is.

V smiling back - - blinking Away -

\- sudden — _Surge_ of _Emotion_ … From. such a simple Exchange.

(Their: _Connect_.)

….Wants to convey that next— _How_ **It** makes her _Feel_ … How the other woman Always leaves her - just that little bit ( _Dizzy; Breathless; Easy_ ) - - _Light_.

_Weightless_

With: smile. With: touch. With— _Just_ Being— **Her** and _Near_ ….

Grabs for tube of white.

Paints - _Loops_ \- a few stray clouds above ( _adorable_ )dip of innie belly button…

Knows they’re - _Shit_.

Bumpy, _Tumor lumps_

Compared to: Exquisitely Rendered tattoos everywhere _Else_. Frownin’. Moment she’s Finished. Wishing she could - **_Give_** Better; **Do** \- - _More_ \--

But Judy’s smiling. Eyes closed; slight - _hum_ \- in her throat, like she can See it.

(So fucking _Content_ …)

Can’t **Doubt** it - Can’t - _Complain_ ; when she’s looking like that. When she’s…Making it so Damn _Clear_ it— _Translates_.

Her Efforts Appreciated.

Starts to Open her mouth - lose to Habit — and Judy Must **_Know_** — because her eyes are flickering open — Steeling to intercept her.

Light shake of her head. (Not unkind.)

Eyes soon shutting - again - with gentle: “ _Shh_.”

Lifts - and - _scrawls_ with one of her fingers in Air. To Tell her to—-Keep _Going_.

…V. Staring at her a moment(— **Heart** in _Throat_ )…. Wondering—How. _How_ to _Convey it_.

(What she - _Sees_. What she - _Wants_ to **Be**.)

Trades: white for Blue. After. Long; Infinite moment.

Paints. For her last piece; outline of humble house. Like what kids draw:

Triangle roof. Square body.

Door. Two windows.

(Gets _Fancy_ \- adds a little chimney.)

Does the - simple little crosses. The round circle for knob. ( _Smiles_ at it)Before - looking up for Reaction.

Judy -- Quiet. **Still**. Mouth—Sealed—with _Inscrutable_ emotion.

Eyes Open now. Trembling. Corners slick with wetness. Shivers beneath V’s finger like she - - Can’t stop _Shaking_ …

(Knows: It’s a Good shake—Deep down.) V lifting from stomach; propping on elbow.

 **Staring**.

Infusing every _Ounce_ of — **_Devotion_** she can Muster;

For - Words she can’t say:

‘ _You are my Home_.’

(Knows How _Much_ \- How -- **_Big_** \- that word is for Her;)

Knows. She was always: - - _Searching_.

‘ _Find Home in_ _Me_.’

( ** _Loves_** _It_ )Feels: She’s Finally Done Well. When Dark eyes - churn. _Roil_. With **Immense** Affection…

Judy -- rising to Meet her; Torso on incline. Examining her. Like she’s _sunken treasure_.

Kind of - **Reverent** _Disbelief_ ….

“ _C’mere_.” Low, throaty _rasp_ she doesn’t Ever _Want_ to— **_Resist_**.

V - sliding in Close;

(So _Close_ …she can Name every Shade of brown in those eyes….)

Her _Eyes_ …

as their Lips - _graze_ …

—-Connect.

 _Tumultuous_ \- - _gust of air_ \- - at Moment of Contact.

_Oh, God,_

_Missed_. _It_.

Judy’s fingers - scratching along her scalp

( - _shivers_ -),

Following leading patterns there; Lingering…at subtle separation where her unshaven hair - _begins_. Pulls to bun. Deepening their Kiss.

Takes -

V - _gasps_ ,

Takes whatever she — _Gives_. ( _Hungry_ ; _Insatiable_ …)But: Making it— **Her** _Pace_.

… _Melting_ in curl of that Tongue. Little nibbles on her bottom lip - After.

Hooded eyes - Backing. To properly Peer into hers.

And they Both feel the — **_Shift_**. Rumbling - _Electric_ \- between them.

V. Panting. Gazing to her - Imploringly. Eyes that _beg_ :

‘ _Please_ ’,

‘ _Need_ _to_ ** _Say_** _This_.’

Judy bestowing. ( _soft_ ; _Appreciative_ ) Nod.

“ _Jude_ \- …” inhales - _sharp_. From her own - **Sound**

Her - - _Desperation_ ….

Almost - **_Painful_** (… _Agonizing_ …) - now. “Can I. _Touch_ you…? Please. _Please_ ….” presses mouth to Jawline. Huffing. _Kissing_ skin. “ _Need to Show you This_ ….”

Hands - brushing. Cradling either side of scarred cheeks. Backing her away.

V’s eyes shooting up to hers with a Near-(Obedient) _Frenzy_. But Judy only grins.

Fingers - detaching - to rest. On knot of her rolled top.

Fabric peeled - up-and-over her head (- bra falling soon After); as she—moseys backward - _Half-naked_ \- on shifting knees.

Beckoning her with Paint-dotted digits; as a Hand

Dips,

To draw down hidden zipper. Situated at top of her hip.

V Close to - _Foaming at the Mouth_ \- when her output - _shimmies_ ; Sits. Offering her a single leg to _Finish_ the _Damn_ **Job**.

Shrugs off her Aldecaldos jacket; fingers Curling in belt loops. Tugging - _tugging_ \- dark synth-leather Down. Waist to - Thighs - to… Knees….

Ripping away—Rest of pooled fabric remaining around nude feet. Pitching overalls in (Approximate) direction of their bed.

Taking a - Moment(Like she _Always_ _Does_ )… Just to -

Appreciate,

 _Admire_.

 **Tattooed** _Masterpiece_ in front of her. V stalking Forward; Hands dragging up - _Flesh_ ; as she Matches - _Glides_ \- Presses to Body sitting beneath; Judy - leaned back on Spread palms.

 _Sighs_ … 'cuz it Feels -- _Right_.

Feels like Where she Always Needs to be.

Swiping. Thumb across Full Lips; other fingers ( - _impatient_ -) sweeping down Judy’s neck. Grazing - _Petals_ ….

V ducking to trail - - Kisses to sternum; Lingering there… Valley of gorgeous breasts. Resting forehead right above it. Right where: **Heart** is.

“…Think you’re a _Siren_ …” _husks it_ against flesh; “Draggin’ me down; Bringing me - _Deep_ ….”

(Thinks: **That**. Other’s - _Real_ Connection to _Waters_ …) “Hummed that Pretty Song of yours—and had me all up in - - _Splinters_ …” fingers idly( _Thoroughly_ ) trace red webbing of nearby Breast; serpentine path to: Hardened nipple. “ _Crashed me_ , Jude. _Doomed without you now_ …”

“ _There’s_ that Silver tongue. Went - what? Five Whole minutes without it waggin’?” Mouth above her - huffs - with Clear _Amusement_. Own Tongue clucking. “Must have been Rough - spittin’ _poetry_ now. Hittin’ me right in the _kokoro_.”

Leaves: _Teasing_. But(she **Feels** it. Other’s Heart - _Racing_ …). Judy gazing Down to her with her own - _Madness_. Fathomless, swirling orbs.

Lidded _Passion_.

Like she wants to - - _Ravish_ _her_ ; Hold her **Down** ’til she’s **_Through_**.

V - Smirking. Withdrawing her forehead. “Think You’re right. Tongue's gettin' pretty _Desperate_.” Makes: show of - _Licking_ her _lips_. “Gonna Take it Out on _You_ …”

Leaves output’s Chest - with twin - _Pinch_ \- to Stiff nipples just to be - _Vindictive_. Kissing( _Nipping_ ; _Sucking_ …)Burning path to waiting thighs.

Lingers at - **Cat**. Right above Dark band of panties - where she can _Smell it_ ;

Nearly: - _Taste_

How Much other— ** _Needs_** _Her_ ….

Gets a touch — _Eager_ \- only sliding down fabric enough to give - - Access;

Running middle finger up Wet( - _Wet_ …) slit. Pausing. Beneath - heft of hooded nub.

Small, incremental - nudges. Toying with reactive bud.

“ _Mmh_ …” Looks up to see Judy catching bottom lip with Teeth; lower body undulating toward her

\- - _Telling_ sway.

Speaking of - ‘ _Desperate_ ’….

( _Grins_ )Tucks between thighs — Spreading them: just a touch - _Wider_ — and -

Gets to _Work_.

Alternating between prods of tongue and delving fingers…

Using - ball of silver tongue ring to tease Flushed clit( - Abundant slick making it - _Roll_ _so_ _Easy_ …) to get Judy _purrin_ ’ like she - _Likes_ ….

“ _V_ …” barely a: _Syllable_ anymore. Now -

 _Primal Pant_ ….

 _Buries_ her Face in her; Flitting and Curling tongue ring in way that - - Earns: the _Prettiest Moans_ …

… _shakes_ …

Judy’s Nails Curling in Thick of her Hair. Thighs - _Quaking_ \- — **Clamping** down around her -

 **Commanding** her: **_Stay_**.

V - humming through it. _Rumbling_ her— _Pleased_ ; …Slowing…to _tongue_ : _every_ scouted nook and cranny. Then: Soft; sweet laps and gentle bobs of clit. Free hand scratching; tickling — _Up_ — ribs….

Retracts to graze - butt of teeth - along trembling nub;

Tent— _Filled_. With - - Long, _Keening_ Moan;

Broken - _Hitching_ \- _Breaths_ ….

Nods; eyes fluttering Closed. Head tilting to—(Her _Favorite_ ) **Sound**. “ _There it is_ …” Lilts to _Rough_ , _choked_ \- _Air_ , Struggling to - _Even_ …. V—leading her through it. Throes of - _little Death_. “But I’m — Gonna take You _Higher_ …”

Eases: two fingers in. Thumb—staying on clit. Just enough - _Pressure_ \- to let other woman - Actively - **Know** its Weight.

_Flexes_ ; languid. As Judy comes all the way down, then —

 _Pumps_ in _Earnest_.

Getting those: _Rough_ \- _Chopped_ Moans. Body beneath her _squirming_ — _Bucking_ into her.

Meets: Dark Eyes and sees - Judy’s losing - - _Focus_

( _Every_. **Time**.)

V - Thrusts _Harder_.

Never - Stops being:—- _Amazing_ ….

Deeper,

 **Deeper** ;

( _Wanna See Into You_ )

Wants to - Show: _How -_ **Deep**.

Reaches for breast - Licking: Long _trail_ up jolting stomach. Right through - House \- _Clouds_ \- **Heart** \- -

“ _Oh_ …” (Feels it - _Vibrating_ ) —- Like a: _Surprise_. Tremor - _Rippling_ \- down abdomen; - “… _Fuck_ …”

Green-purple whipped head—tossing _back_ ; -

 **Knows** :

“ _That’s_ _It_.” Slips: Third finger in. Thumb - _circling_ now. As V — _Watches_ with _Delight_ -.

The - **_Breaking_** ; the

_Losing Herself_

Their Bodies: _Give_ and _Take_ \- - Sweet _Primordial Rhythm_ \- - Connected forms Hurtling toward - _Ecstasy_ ….

Judy Rewarding her with - - _Burst_ of _Warbling_ Groan like - _Burst_ \- of Dying _Star_.

Trembling against tarp. Licking her lips. Toes _clenching_ \--wrapped--around Back….

…V - smiling( _Exhausted_ ). Feeling: Full **Weight** of her _Fatigue_ as - _Adrenaline_ and _Dopamine_ \- ebb away….

Blinking and. Wiping. Mouth off with shirt.

Moving to clasp Judy’s hand as she - - Recovers. (Fully divest her of poor underwear.) Shaking head—Ignoring - residual **_Burn_** \- in Pit of own stomach as other woman moves to Touch her.

—-Grasping for her shirt with: clumsy **Determination** (still experiencing - _shakes_ ).

V Stilling searching fingers - - tracing outline of her belly ring. “Nothing for me.”

Looks Down to her Meaningfully.

(Only - _You_.)

Judy - frowning; brows starting to - Pinch — before V: Wraps her in a Hug.

( _Finally_ )Buries. Nose in neck.

“ _I’m sorry_.” Expels. Tearful breath. (Culmination of —- _Everything_ Held **_Back_**.) “So _Sorry_ \- _Jude -- I_ …” _exhales_ and. Holds on— _Tighter_. “ _I_ -”

( _Hate_ Myself.)

Why did she Make her _sad_?

How _Could_ she?

So - **_Angry_** ;

So -

… _Tired_ …

“V…” (Realizes: she’s - - Shaking)Feels like she’s

 ** _Falling A_** - ** _par_** \- **_t_**

“ _V_.” Judy’s arms wrap—Clutch—at her back; mouth shifting to her ear. “Need you to Look at me.”

Swallows. Blinking back tears… Leaving - Warm Safety of neck; to:

Gaze into eyes.

Hands immediately cradling her Face. Tech softly kissing her. “Trust you, Wanna Hold _on_ to You…” locks their foreheads. Judy closing her eyes. “Way you _Loved me_ just now…”

Smile that makes her heart utterly - _Ache…_ to see it.

(Like it’s: Something she’s Never **Had**.)

V…leaving her Touch. Shifting to Take—-Press. Lingering kiss to output’s palm.

Judy’s brows - ducking; trembling. “S-Shit, V.” _inhales_. “Think our Souls touched….” Runs fingers across: shaved sides of her hair. Up. To - - unravel bun. “ _Mi media naranja_ …” Something -

Unspeakably _Intimate_ ; Endlessly _Fond_ …. In those words.

Output - combing fingers through her kinky waves. Curtaining them around her face. “And I - heard _You_. Can’t Doubt it now.”

V - - _Exhales_. Feels - a sort of Boneless; a sort of

weak,

At — _Forgive_.

Leaning(— _Falling_ ) into her.

Judy: Holding her Close. Claiming slope of cheekbone with mapping thumb. “Don’t want your heart breakin’…. Got. Such a Big one — God - _Huge_.” smiles. “But. Too much Strain and it’ll just - - shatter to pieces.”

V - nods;

(Maybe,)

But she: Just. _Can’t_ \- - **Not** _Try_.

Smirks a little. (Cuz she’s an - _Idiot_ …) But. Loves other’s - _Smile_. “…Really big on those food endearments, Mm?” Audial translator glitching on what was Given; but - knows enough Spanish from life with ‘Kie and Mama Welles to, at least - somewhat - glean its meaning.

Feels: tech shrug in her grasp. “What can I say? Love ta eat.”

And there’s a - Turn of those lips against her skin —- Absolutely _Wicked_ ; Hot; Wet - _Press_ of Mouth…before she (- _Behaves_ );

Follows - Loop of her Snake tat visible above shirt. Before: Looking to her Sober. “Y’know. She talked to me.” V arcs a pierced brow. “Your - ‘friend’.”

…Ah.

 _Frowns_. But Judy’s shaking her head.

“Told me you weren’t sleeping. Walkin’ around like some zombie. Practically begged me to take you in. Was _this_ Close to tellin’ her off.” Raises: barely parted thumb and pointer finger. “But. Then - she up and apologized.” V’s eyes widen. “…Never did Play Fair.”

 _Pan_?

 _ Panam Palmer _ ?

 **Apologize**?

Shit.

“Had.” _Pushes_ out - _Incredulous_ breath. “No Idea she did that. _Didn’t_ ask.” Assures.

Wanting to **Convince** -

Not - - _Lose_ what she Just: **Gained** ;

Output Nodding. “I know. Told me she came on her on. That you had nothin’ to do with it.” Pauses. (And V feels her Chest— _Clench_ —again. Stomach - flip.) From: way Judy’s brow furrows.

Glance from Painting; to - ground.

“No Promises. You hear me, V?” Nods. Even without Knowing - - what she’s nodding _To_. “But.” Judy - sighs. Closes her eyes. “Figured. Least we could do is Talk about it…” tosses a Hand. “—This. Three of us.” Quivering lids finally - Lift. Dark - _Uncertainty_ glancing up to her. “Is.” A breath. Finger sweeping stray strands from her face. “That what you Want?”

V - exhales. Shaking head artlessly. “Haven’t - Considered it, haven’t given it Time — All I thought of was: You.” Fingers - _curl_ into her back. Just. _Taking her in_. “Nothin' in my head, but You.”

And it’s that - Gauge \- _Wonder_ \- - but it’s _Quick_. Gone in a flash. Judy - melting against her. “…Still won’t let me have my Turn?”

V smiles - happy. Sad.

Shaking head again.

Output. Sucking her teeth. “Gonk. Don’t want you Punishing yourself either…” Palm meets her cheek lightly. Chiding, gentle smack. “Not when your clock’s tickin’.” A miasma smothers the tent -

Darkness clouding her features.

V moving to—straighten. Smooth Ridge in brow.

(Disagrees.)

Thinks: she **Should** be.

 ** _Punished_**.

Never a Moment where this Woman -- _Hurts_ ; she doesn’t wanna Hurt _with_ Her.

Nestles. Into her chest; feeling - _Wet_ \- coat both their skin — because -

How Could she ask for _More_?

More. Than this: _Perfect_ , Giving Woman before her?

 _More_ ….

Can only—Press Deeper. Nod her Agree ( - _Whatever she_ _Wants_ …); Apologize. Whisper( _sob_?) - (is she - even Making _Sense_?) - How Much she _Loves Her_ … Judy shifting to shush her rambling. Cradle her head once more.

Guide her to her Lap.

 _Crooning_ something in Spanish(Something - - _Beautiful_ ) - but V’s Fading _Fast_ …

( - “Rest”? and “ _mi alma_ ”? -)

Output continuing to - course tender fingers through hair and scalp. As she -

Falls into

( _Warm_ ,)

Sweet _Oblivion_ ….

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Forgive me? ;) <3


	4. A Nomad, a BD Editor and a Merc walk into a Bar…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AND NOW: The Moment you’ve ALL BEEN WAITING FOR~ *drum roooll* …or maybe that was chapter 2? Chapter 3? Don’t let me make you feel Limited. ;) Either way: All-In now. My kind of chapter~ (The FLOW - Oof) Time to Take On Challenge of what game didn’t give us(…well. *More* so. lol). Dedicating this one to Silent_Mea — (who will be Quick to tell you)Would be no posted poly without their loving(god-tier) Harassment. *granny cane salute* I expect Much cackling and raccoon rubbing of hands.
> 
> (For the Record: Ya’ll are Great. Had a Good Chuckle over everyone Promptly forgetting Ow of 2. Is there Anything body paints CAN'T cure? I ask you. <3)

* * *

“Do you See this Look on my Face?” Panam Marches to the (Unfortunately) occupied bar; pointing out said Expression to its (equally Unfortunate) occupants. “Here is a Look that says: ‘Run along, children. The Adults must Speak now.’.”

The band of Aldecaldos teens pause what they’re doing;

Listlessly shuffle and Blink at her lengthily.

Panam dropping gloved hand to Fix each of them with Unequivocal **Stare**. “…I see the subtly of that statement went over your collective heads. Let us Try again: The Bar is Closed. Might I Suggest you all _Puberty_ elsewhere?—-the fire pit? The shadowy recesses between trucks?” A grand _Gesture_ \- out towards the further reaches of Camp. “All Excellent destinations this time of day. I would Pick one— _Quickly_.”

A chorus of quiet grumbles—Swiftly _ceasing_ moment Aldecaldos Leader’s gaze _slits_ —and the young nomads vacate the area. Multiple pairs of steps (- petulant _stomps_ -) trudging down short set of stairs one after the other. Lovingly _Punctuated_ by Panam’s under-breath hiss of “ _Fucking teenagers_ …”.

V setting down: Stack of red chairs hefted across single forearm. “Good luck with Anne, Josef.” Bob of head to its recipient. Boy she murmured to slapping her extended hand - _twice_ , with Grateful familiarity, as he passes. Smirk curling her lips as she continues to eye sour, Sulky expressions of the others. “Now, now: No Pouting -- at least you get to Run Away!”

…Chuckles—strained(- _Scared_?

Shit.). Shooting departing teens what may have been: _Desperate Plea_ for _Aid_ …. In Vain to callous backs that continue to drift away.

 ** _Fucking Teenagers_** …

Rolls a shoulder. Remembering when she was that Age(- yet - Distinctly more _Chill_ ). Going about setting up sturdy chairs at now Deserted bar. (Ignoring - _jitter_. In her placements; as she)Situates metal seats. Designating — Adequate _Space_ between the Three of them — just before bar ledge.

Hearing: Judy whistle somewhat near her side, soon after. Long and (ironically) impressed. “Weight officially Thrown. Some serious Flex. Really showed ‘em who’s Boss.” Pieced out.

Output slipping past chairs V arranged. Intent to Lean against far metallic wall of now ( _eerily_ ) Abandoned trailer—Arms Locking in front of chest

(-- **Barrier** to Surroundings.). Brow - hiking - towards Panam. “Don’t suppose mass beheadings are up next?”

V straightens. Drifting towards middle seat(— ** _Claiming_** **It** ). Watching: Lips - quirk - too _Sharp_ for mere amusement. (Tripped - Twin _Landmines_ of Inference she would Ever Endanger her Family and Criticism on How she Leads.)

Panam shrugging leather shoulders tech’s way. “Perhaps. Though I tend to save my beheadings Only for when I’m feeling Truly _Despotic_.”

“Yeah…” Judy stares her down; gradually nodding. “Guess beheadin’ me to steal V would be the easy way to go about it.”

“ _Ahaha_!” (Too Loud? - _God_ \-- just on the Edge of - - _Manic_.) Both women turning to Stare at her with Varying levels of ‘ _What the Fuck_?’.

V - Calmly - Smiling back at them. Batting lashes coyly;

Smoothly whipping bag at her back over to front. Parting simple carrying sack to tug out several bottles of (Expensive)Alcohol acquired over various gigs. Grouping Fuchsia Paul Night, Amber Pingo Pálido and Sleek La Perle Des Alpes side-by-side. Slipping out: humble bottle of Filtered Rainwater last. Aligning it—Conspicuously—with middle chair.

Has a Feeling she’ll **Need** to stay Sober….

Figuring— _One_ of them should as the evening wore on. How. Bumpy this - - _Discussion_. Was already turning out, being any Indication. Accepts and eases into Role of: **Designated** **Driver**. Responsible for Steering them down the Gentlest path of _Least_ Resistance.

Already reaching over bar to secure Glasses as Panam (Guardedly)paces to Join them. Utterly Disregarding her Magnanimous Offer and _Also_ passing chairs. Aldecaldos Leader backing to bar to Hop up on counter in single Fluid motion.

(Curbs an - Internal _Sigh_ )—Wondering Why she even Bothered… before Noticing Judy eyeing their relative Close. Gaze— _Narrowing_ on proximity of Panam’s denim thigh to her arm. Tech pushing from wall to trail back their way— **Flank** her opposite side. Tattooed waist (almost - Touching) resting against metal.

“Wow, V. Fuckin’ spread…” Judy leans; running a finger down aesthetic angles of Pingo Pálido vessel, glinting - Opulent - in gold-yellow of setting sun. Dark eyes roaming to favorably appraise All her Selections. “Should discuss you sleepin’ around with other women more often!”

V _coughs_. (Barely manages to avoid — _knocking_ glasses together as she pours Respective drinks to - -

Clutch her fucking _Chest_ ….)

Because - Oh no. Oh fuck. Oh - _Shit_ :

 ** _Sarcastic_** Judy.

Opening — then closing - her mouth. Catching Panam in midst of shooting a Particularly **_Scathing_** Look.

(Miraculously)Finishes neat allocation of output’s drink through Sheer Strength of _Will_. Before gently gliding it across smooth surface of counter. Repeating same process for Aldecaldos Leader on her right side. “…was.”

Clears her throat. “That a Joke? Because that did not feel like a joke.”

Judy merely smiles at her sweetly(Sardonically) before snatching the Entire bottle of Paul Night away. Generously pouring - _More_ \- of the dreamy pink liquid into her glass.

And V—

…Sits. Slouches in her chosen chair. Because - Fuck \- _Someone_ has to.

If only to make them feel— _Special_.

A Glance over to Panam - to see her Palming own stout, square glass. Downing costly Bourbon she provided like a party _Shot_. Rushing to top herself off - before slamming bottle aside - as well.

Looks down to her bottle of water. Blinking. Smirking _Wryly_. Giving it a little _squeeze_. …Before - swiveling back to face output.

Presenting: a Hand with - asking fingers. “Sit?” Judy peers down at her; over tilted rim of glass. V grazing dark digits along arm; then seat of chair. “…Please?”

Smiles - _Grateful_ \- when the other woman - Begrudgingly - acquiesces. Glaring( _Pouting_ ) entire way. Catching tech’s nearest arm as soon as it’s settled and—smoothing thumb, _Happily_ , along captured wrist.

“Good?” Looks to thin coat - veins of Creeping frost - on some of the containers of alcohol. “So fancy - bottle’s chill themselves.”

“….’s good.” Judy concedes. Muttered more to liquid. As if that’s the Only Thing she’ll get out of her for the Remaining Duration of their Time here.

But V’s smile - lengthens. “Was assured that particular brand,” nods to Paul Night, “was Perfect for Artists and Dreamers.” Draws inked free hand up to her lips. Kissing: around Lovecraftian creature; sand-warm skin of curled fingers lovingly. “Saved it for you.”

Her output doesn’t respond. Going back to burying—mouth and attention in glass. But never yanks hand away. V caressing flesh; affectionate swirls of finger pads, a few more times… before withdrawing. Returning offered hand.

Leans over, then, to - _poke_ \- hollow of Panam’s knee. “And yours, Grumpy?”

“What do you want me to say, V — that it is the Best goddamn thing I have ever Tasted? That I am _Happy_?”

V grins up to her a bit wider. “ _Yeth_.”

Aldecaldos Leader scoffing lightly - rolling her eyes; nursing her drink - before glancing away.

V—Clasping her Hands together;

Tucking water bottle between thighs.

Taking a _Deep_ Breath: -

“All right.” Bends down to remove last item from sack - a modernized clipboard - stylus tucked in gap of Clip. Flat of cracked screen flickering to Life with motion. “Should I start?” Looks between the two women. Given no indication or - Answer.

Nods anyway. “I’m gonna start.” Clears throat a second time. “Hi - I’m V, and. I’m an Alcoholic.” Two sets of (Searing)Glares. With a _Kick_ to her chair’s seat for good measure. “No?” _Disbelief_. Looks to both of them again. “ _Nothing_? _Ouch_. First step is Admittance, Ladies. Well - I suppose: Mood established.” Sighs. Scratching side of her head with plucked stylus. “Just thought to lighten the air. Currently: ’Bout as welcoming as a Scav din during chow time -- in case anyone here wanted to keep track.”

….Exhales. Because: As Much as she meant the words only for - Joke; they’re also Increasingly( **Painfully** )— _True_.

All Three of them Knowing this Day would Come. V going - - _Lengths_ to Plan — _Re_ -Plan(Reschedule — then Move around _again_ ) for Days. After Judy said she was Open to it. And V confirmed that _wasn’t_ just some part of a Delightful, Fever Dream…

The **Talk**.

Despite Difficulty of getting All parties(namely: Judy and Panam) to Agree on a time; it had been Surprisingly and Unsurprisingly _Difficult_ to Wrangle a moment They’d All be Free from their differing duties. All in all: Planning portion to get them to Strained _Uneasy_ of Now leaving her Feeling like sole mediator between Two _World_ Powers.

V’s shoulders slumping. Before—Immediately—Leveling once more. Stylus flipped - agilely - between fingers with **Determination**. “How about starting with a Summary? Summaries are nice. I like you.” Points stylus to Judy. “You like me.” Then to Panam. “I Also like you — but as a choom.” Gestures - slowly - between them. “ _Youu_ \- - Like each other?” Another set of Withering _Glares_ that **Burn** to her _Soul_ …. “ _Whew_. Nope—Yep. Too Easy.” Retracts stylus meekly. “Not like we’d. All just - end up in a tent somewhere Gratuitously Making Out…?”

Pauses. Glancing to both for confirmation. Judy’s eyes slitting towards her **_Dangerously_** ; Panam’s leg hiking just that little bit _Higher_ to show Chair won’t be her target if she Keeps it— _Up_.

Clears throat for a Third time. V wiping (conveniently nestled) sand from her lap. “Right. That’d be crazy. Just.” Blinks - looking to floor. “Crazy.” …Looks back up. “But - it’s not like there’s Nothing in common there. I mean,” points out their Respective hands - “you two both like Black nail polish! _Boom_ \- a common Already.”

“Got even More in common. Somethin’ Big.” Judy grinds drained glass into metal counter. Gaze steeling on Panam. “Taste in women.”

Aldecaldos Leader’s—Grip— _Tightening_ around her own drink. “Yes -- of All the women I Never was Attracted to — V was the one I Chose to Flip her and My Life _upside down_ —- You’ve Figured me out!” Panam’s face - Pinches in a Grimace. ( _Pain_ ) “When. I don’t. Even….”

A few stray blinks - before amber liquid is raced to lips. Empty Glass clattering from (trembling)fingers after.

“There is not enough Alcohol for this…” Lifts: both denim-leather clad legs. Spinning on bar ledge to Drop down to other side. Purposeful Movements— _Irritably_ —Scrounging around for more.

V - frowning as she watches her. Watches: Judy rolling her eyes at the spectacle. Output -Standing to Silently Pour herself another.

But she’s **Knows** Judy(—there: _Regret_ too). Regret the other doesn’t Want to Deal with.

Feels - the _Cut_ ; the - Fissure - from— _Predicament_ …. Because—Neither is Wrong;

 **Neither** of them are Wrong.

Wants to whisper:

‘Please.’ and

‘None of us will get Anywhere if we make this about Blame.’

But what **Gives** **Her** the fucking - _Right_?

(They _Could_ Blame.)

They should Blame— **Her**.

“Where did you even Get a clipboard?” Panam. Directed to her - Grumbled. ( _Exasperated_.) Spoken around clinking and _Shuffling_. As if -

Needing to Leak a bit of it. Random, _Fitful_ direction.

All the: _Bottled Up_. And she’ll -

( **Take It**.) Glances up from cracked screen. Refusing to Drown in it: - the

‘ _Sorry for Herself_ ’

Got them Into this. And she Will Get them _Out_.

Will. She - _Will_.

V nodding - smiling. Pointing to it: “Mitch.”

“ _Fucking_ Mitch.” Another Loud _Clang_. Cabinet doors - then Cooler - slapped shut. Panam raising self and neck of found Brospeh—Removing cap with Decisive _Thwack_ against edge of counter. Ridged metal plinking - lonesome - to ground.

“Right?” Agrees. Whole- _heartedly_. “But he’s Great when he isn’t just Teasing me.” Panam - huffs. Swinging butt of Beer to Air as she Gulps— _Deep_. “Besides: Thought I should take notes.” Twirls her stylus. “Sure we’ll all Continue speaking our Minds -- don’t wanna forget anything.”

“Such a _brain_.” Judy squints at her. Drink - pausing - mid-ascent to mouth. “Be sure to enunciate _Real smooth_ \- while you take fuckin’ minutes.”

“…K - That one was actually pretty Funny. I Laughed. Internally.” - boops - Tech’s nose with writing instrument. Target _scrunching_ up(— _Adorably_ ). “But - Yes: Please Do Speak clearly for the record and Posterity.”

( **Takes** —Hers too.)

Restless - _Agitated_ ; in wake of sudden—- Ceasefire.

Sobers. V: taking them In. Analyzing both women’s expressions;

Girding herself for what Could come. “Do the two of you. Hate each other?”

Looks to Panam -

 _Yep_ ;

Still Chugging.

“Not like we’re _Besties_.” Given with a Mocking _saccharine_. Judy taking a moment to scan other woman up - then down. “But. Don’t hate her.”

“Fantastic.” Panam slams (Empty)bottle to counter. “You truly have a way of setting the bar High - you know that?”

“Could set it higher.” And that - **Steel** returns. “Could Not be here at all.” Pointed— _Sharp_ —Stare. “Maybe you should act more Grateful.”

A Loud Scoff. (Just as— _Sharp_.) “Oh - I am _Incredibly_ ‘Grateful’. Forced to sit here—turning the other cheek—while V’s output talks _Shit_ about me.”

“Don’t fuckin’ act High and Mighty, like You didn’t Take any shots.”

V. …Tightens her lips.

(—Wants to _Intervene_ ) - - But.

Can’t - _Always_ Come to the _Rescue_.

Can’t: Put out every **Fire**.

(Doesn’t want to set a Precedent.) Every time the ones she Cares for butt heads— _Disagree_ — - yanking them apart.

Knows well: Some fires **Have** to burn. Run their Course.

In their _Own_ way: Both women - - Figuring the other _Out_.

(But it’s - **_Hard_** )

 _Fuck_ ,

V’s thighs—Smothering—plastic. Fist Balling around stylus til it - - creaks.

Leg _rattling_ in chair as the Two exchange Heavy, _Fearless_ glares.

“Look.” Panam pinches her brow. Already moving to Replace discarded beer. “I get it. You do not Like me. And while I am sure I will lose Plenty of Sleep at night -- we Both know Why we’re here. And - No - it _isn’t_ out of the Kindness of our hearts.”

They Both Look at Her.

V Startled by the Sudden(—the: _Sync_ ). Releasing: **Death** - _Grip_ on stylus. Scratching shaved side of her head once more.

Regaining: Composure. “Sure you’ll be the Best of chooms once you get to know each other.” Pushes - _Amused_ breath. Smirking fondly. “Judy didn’t like me either when we first met.”

Output not a ‘People Person’.

 _Prickly_ ;

Natural Armor. Against a World that’s Hurt her So.

…V’s smirk tugging Higher. Lining stylus with freckles at Panam’s nose. “Matter of Fact: Neither did You \- _Ha_! And now Neither of you can’t Live Without me! _No-va_.” …Ah. _Missed_ those simultaneous flatline Glares. But they both - _Drink_ \- instead of actively **Contest** it; so she takes it as a _Win_. “Think there’s Hope there. Even if it’s a Rough start.”

Both women — _Remarkable_

 _Breathtaking_ and _Worthy_ in her eyes….

“Here’s a Question.” Judy lifts a finger from glass; flitting it in Panam’s direction. “What happens if she Changes her Mind? One day she’s Straight - all well an’ good - thinks she Likes girls, then - _whoops_. Just a phase. Back to straight she goes.”

V - _pops_ \- suction top of her bottle. Taking a Drawn-out swig of her water.

 ** Shit**.

(Knew: It would Come up -- Sooner or Later)Unable to—Deny. _Similar_ Thoughts.

 **Thoughts** she _Can’t_ Answer.

Aldecaldos Leader - Massaging both temples. “…You will not make this easy.”

Judy gapes at her. “Sorry — _Should_ I?” Dark brows dive. “Have to Forgive me not wantin’ to Fuck up what Me and V have cuz some Bi _Disaster_ wants to use Us as her Experiment.”

“It. _Isn’t_ —” Clenches. Jaw. “Judy - I am Trying. This is all Stupidly Awkward and Uncomfortable for all Involved, so I thought - ‘Hey. Let us be _Civil_ while discussing Who holds hands with Who.’”

“Don’t Think I haven’t noticed you didn’t Answer.” Judy’s lips curl. Something close to - sneer. “Wonder how ‘Civil’ you’d be actin’ in _My_ position. If V was Yours first and I strolled along to Snatch her away.”

“Stop. Just - Stop. This _Fucking_ Assumption!” Panam angles over the counter - Jabbing a finger. Stopping right _before_ reaching tech’s chest. “Never - not Once \- have I tried to steal her away — so How about you Stop _raging_ at me like I Did? Or - _Forget_ I wasn’t the one to _Push_ for this.” Brown eyes darken. Burn—Hard and **_Fierce_**. “Maybe you should Wonder why V Did.”

Judy backs away. Finishes her drink. Smiling at emptied glass thinly; before striding back to bar. Sliding— _Right up_ to Aldecaldos Leader’s face. “Ey. Know what? _Fuck_ _y_ -”

“Stop it.” (Her **Tone** is Low. Her **Tone** is - - _Broken_ ) Water bottle and clipboard abandoned in chair as she **Stands**. Arm held - out - Between them. Sweep of _Furious_ Gazes whipping to **Lock** on—Her.

And that’s Where she Wants Them.

Tried to let it run its course —- But her Heart is

_in Shambles_

“I’m Sorry.” V looks to both of them. Equal Measure. And there’s a - - Disrupt; an - ebb. To each woman’s Expression. Before Panam’s shoulder— _Tense_ and Judy—Abruptly stalks Away. “Only reason we’re Here is because of Me.”

Because she was - too Fuckin’ **_Greedy_**.

Because. she wanted it: All.

Knows the Price of _Happiness_ —

Willing to **Pay** in **_Full_**. “Me.” Repeats it. “That’s where I want your Anger. Your Curses - Your _Bitter_ ; Aim them at _Me_.” Feels: her brows - buckle. “Never at each other.”

Can They Know - _how Much_ she — **_Hates Herself_** right now?

Wraps. Hand around wrist to - - Stop Raised arm from _Shaking_.

“…V.” Panam’s frowning at her.

Sees: Judy’s hands Tuck to tight _Fists_. Before… slacking. “Yeah.” Tech turns back around to face her. “… fine.” (Slowly)Returns to where they’re standing. Nails tapping against bar ledge. “Try to be-” Her lips _Twist_ with it; “… ‘Civil’.”

V - _sighs_. Blinking a few times before - Nodding to them Both — _Appreciatively_.

\- _Glad_ for it.

Not wanting to see Return of: ‘ _Punchin’ Judy_ ’.

How —- **_Far_** Panam would _Go_.

“It’s. Clear you won’t accept my Word for it — and I am not Asking you to.” Panam gazes at Judy. _Tension_ —still in limbs. But: **Blaze** in voice mostly extinguished. “There isn’t anyway to Prove the Contrary without action. But.” Downcast eyes. “V _Trusts_ me. And you Trust V.” Gloved hands curl into themselves. “All I ask is you Honor that Trust. Until I Earn my own.”

V shifts to her Output; until their shoulders graze. Looks to her - Pleading. “Pan isn’t the Type to go back on her Word. Wouldn't risk this - our Friendship — My Happiness with _You_ — if it wasn’t Real.”

That: Her Risk;

Her: _Hope_.

Judy. Wordlessly. …eventually… - Nodding.

Feels - another tumbling Sigh - - _Break_ from her Chest. V nodding as well. “All right.” Backs. Turning to middle chair. “Okay.” Scoops up: Clipboard and stylus once more. Laying former on counter. Marking: first Bullet point. “I Know this isn’t Perfect; I Know we’ve got a While to go. But - if it’s All right. Wanna discuss Ground Rules. Whatever Both of you Want or Don’t Want in this -wanna Hear it.”

Silence. Judy’s face scrunching up. Panam taking another ( _Long_ ) drink.

Smiles a bit. “Looks like I’m up First again.” Turns to Tech first. “Figurin’. This will be a Process. Not like I’m Immediately gonna jump into bed with her. Meant it when I said we were friends; that side of me… hasn’t Turned on. Isn’t even Active. Never thought it _would_ be - Never cultivated it. So. If we’re Doing this—wanna do it Right. Have proper dates.” Lingers a bit; gauging output’s response(Unreadable. In way it Always _is_ when she’s still - Processing) - - before shifting attention to Panam. “And that’s not Just on me. No Assumptions. If you wanna Date at _all_ ; if you want things to Stay the same. Whatever you give - Long as I _Earn_ it.”

Aldecaldos Leader’s thumb - strokes curve of beer bottle. Follows it - Ruminatively. Before: offering Stiff nod.

“Jude?”

A Shoulder shrugged her way. Woman’s arms folding again. “Don’t know what you want from me, V.”

“Immediately? To Not feel like you have No Say in how things go down. Longterm?” Shuffles: Near to her again. Resting chin on webbed shoulder. “Always; always: Your Happy.”

 _Feels_ : output’s sigh. As her eyes flutter Close; head shaking lightly. **98.7%** Sure she’s thinking something along the lines of:

‘ _Fuck you and your Smooth_.’

Presses: peck. To start of petaled neck…. Before lifting away.

Jotting few Summarized, Agreed upon lines on clipboard screen. Before -

Continuing: “Every date - whatever Pan and I do - you’ll know about it. I’ll Tell you. No Secrets” Looks to Panam. “Is that all right?” Another earned nod. “And that isn’t One-sided either. Whatever Jude’s comfortable with me sharing, you’ll know too. I think -” …V pauses. Floating it around in her head. “To start. Gonna have to build Serious trust. May be awkward at first; but -- what I Want more than Anything is All of Us _Knowing_ what the others are doing. No one feeling Betrayed. No one feeling Left in the Dark.” Lips - flicker - self-deprecating smile. “Not a gonk—Know that’ll take work. But I’ll Put in the Time. Effort. Whatever’s Needed.”

“Doesn’t have to be Detailed reports —” Judy rolls her eyes( — but V’s too Damn _Glad_ other woman’s - _Contributing_ ). “Knowin' you, get a damn essay.”

Perks up. “Will you grade it?” Sidles up next to her, again, with easy Grin. “Want your _A’s_ , Jude…” Tech pressing a hand to her face; shoving her away. But there’s a - smirk inchin’ there. Despite herself.

“Agreed.” Dark brown bottle - sways - clutched between Panam’s fingers. “I Certainly do Not need an account Every time the two of you kiss.”

“Actually: _Would_ wanna know if you and her kiss.” Her output arches a brow. “Assuming it’s the First time.”

V raises both hand. “ _If_ we kissed; it would be the first time, yes.”

Notices: Panam(staring at her lips - then) — _Actively_ — avoiding her gaze. Beer bottle covering Mouth.

Glances back to Judy. “To reiterate: Never saw her as More than choom. Even after I Knew how she felt — neither of us acted on it. Think. We’re Both tryna figure that out. Those - new lines.” Catches: Avoiding Brown eyes. “Both need the opportunity to see each other outside of — ‘friend’.”

Smirks a bit. Aldecaldos Leader taking another (Suspiciously) Long drink.

“Anything else?” Glances. Left. Right. Before adding more bullets to List.

Only to be met with: Silence. “Preem—no need to Rush. This will be New for All of Us. Didn’t expect either of you to have a Waiting list of demands — not that I’d be averse to ‘em if you did. Or - do in the Future.” Smiles. “But I Want Communication. If something comes Up - if Either of you feels Uncomfortable -- Unsatisfied — _Tell_ Me. Don’t hold it in. Please.” Implores. Staring Both of them in the eye. “And. If you can do so without Hair being pulled and punches bein’ thrown -- tell each other. Figure out your own lines.”

“So like - Ugh. Can’t believe I’m sayin' this.” Judy ruffles a hand through her multi-colored hair. “‘Trial run’ kind of thing. 30-day subscription. Willin’ - at least - to give it that. Then: if it doesn’t work out, it doesn’t work out.” Lowers her hand. Rolling out crick in her neck(V—Immediately noting to - _Ease_ that out Later…). “Bury it like a night after too many drinks.”

“Agreed, Judy _Booty_.”

“….changed my Mind. Fuck all of this.” Crooked Finger her way. “Fuck you.”

 _Snickers_. V turning with cupped hand near mouth to Panam. “That means She’s _in_.”

“….I will. Take your word on that.” Aldecaldos Leader placing weight against other side of bar. Flicking chin to her. “But what of - You, V? I have heard Plenty on us and our needs — what you intend to do to Meet them. But precious little on What You want out of this. What you'll Need.”

“Hate that she Beat me to it.” Her output grumbles. Before - giving an assenting nod. “Guessin’ you don’t need to be Told You’re the reason either of us are even Considerin’ this.” Judy nudges her with elbow. “Nothin’ without you.”

“I’m.” …exhales. Smiling, soft, at cracked screen of clipboard. List. Rudimentary Start of— **Them**. “Continually Amazed either of you give a Shit enough about me to Put Yourselves Through this.”

Panam shakes her head. Quietly setting bottle aside. “There is No One who Deserves to be Loved and Cherished More - - you idiot.”

“Ahh, _shit_.” Satisfying - _Clink_ \- to the right of her. Judy’s glass deposited on counter as well. “Looks like a ‘nother common.”

V - smiling at both of them Again. Glancing down.

Not a lie - but

Doesn't Know how to Articulate her Truth. How to say:

‘ _What I want Most. Is for you to Both stop Hurting_ ….’ or

‘ _I want to Stop Hurting you_ ….’

Thinks:

She can make them **Both** \- so _Happy_

That It’ll be - _Worth_ it.

(Maybe. Definitely.)

Arrogant as that may be.

Closes: eyes for a bit. Her own little - Personal Prayer… before: Blinking up again. “…okay.” **Set**. Slowly; gingerly; settling a hand on top of either of theirs. “So we. Take it Slow. Figure out what works. What doesn’t.”

Both women nod: Consent. Independent - Reactions stirring at her— _Touch_. Situation -

Not Resolved;

Pretty or Neatly _Wrapped up_

But it’s:

( _So Much_ ) **More**. Than what they— **_Had_**.

seconds, minutes - Hours, ago.

(Start of something: Wonderful- -Strange— - _New_ ;)

 **Takes** it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ….Pan’s Mad at me because Mitch started a chapter before she did. XD You’ll always be One of the Main LIs — he can’t Take that from youuu!!(or CAN HE??? 👀) …Dear Readers: 'tis All fun and games until the characters in your head Debate how you plan them. lol Hope you all enjoyed this episode of ‘Real Housewives of Cyberpunk’. ;)


	5. Momento Mori

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> K — but can we Stop picturing nomad camp like some Amish Backwater? Aldecaldos have HVAC and Satellites, ya’ll. They have decked out kitchens and hacked vending machines. Not like they’re playing Ball in a Cup, churning their own butter(…actually. Cassidy might churn his own butter: I could SEE this….). Point: Check ya game for Receipts. Yes: many conveniences you get in a Corp CITY have to be sacrificed, and I’ll be the First to say surviving in dystopia deserts ain't easy - but it’s not like they're sharing a tin of SPAM and a glass of Water. These are people who’ve been Surviving for *Generations*. Let’s give our ‘Caldos some Damn CREDIT. <3

* * *

“ _V_!”

(blinks;)

Beaming at (Unanimous) reception; offering: Acknowledging nods and winks to series of — warm, _Smiling_ faces…

Bumping fist of Family Ripperdoc as he strolls past, offering hand not occupied with tablet Detailing patients’ respective charts. As she’s - Additionally Graced by cooled, regulated air from whirring ceiling unit of converted truck rig (— _Brilliant_ —) moment she crosses Clinic’s threshold.

Catches(…Lingers;): Panam setting a Hand on belted hip. Finishing quick scan of various bed-bound Aldecaldos in utter Disbelief. “….And Where was _My_ rousing chorus upon entry?”

A - Deep, Booming Laugh — ( _Jake_?) — resounds from furthest left corner of the room. Owner of Boisterous Sound glancing away from his wife to Grin: “Guessin’ you just don’t have V’s bedside manner!”

More chuckles and laughter. V’s brows crumpling Jake’s way - at -- Sight of him in _Clinic_. Before… lightening. Parsing: Context clues. No crowded machinery or dialysis equipment near (- - no: _Distress_. Cleaving across Emily’s face); Large man - noticeably _relaxed_. Reclined and Easy on thinly padded cot as if merely receiving routine exam.

(Mutes her _Concern_ and)

Waggles slackened brows to Aldecaldos Leader instead. “The People have spoken!”

“Traitors. Every last one.” But Panam’s gaze to each is (Impossibly) _warm_ ; words from her mouth unable to Part more: _Lovingly_ ….

A - special. A: Different. Turn of lips. When those eyes land back on her.

(Or - maybe — It Always was?)

Maybe: (they Both); just

ignored it?

(Maybe that was - - _easier_ )

But—- **Now** ,

V winks back (and maybe there’s something on her end too; something Panam - - catches. Because: something - _Grows_ \- in **Fixed** stare….) before -

Pausing. At every metal cot; every Injured Aldecaldos still on the mend. Chatting and — _Taking in_ : each newly changed bandage; each - - steadily fading bruise; each: monitored chrome replacement or implant that—Wasn’t Necessary before…

( _Sorry, sorry, sorry_ )

….Eventually making way over to sitting couple. ( _Clenched_ )Hand tucked into pocket of her ‘Caldos jacket. “Hey, Jake, Em. How’s the Dynalar? Firmware I swapped holdin’ up? — Any - complications with Jake’s anemia?”

Can’t quite mask - underlying _Desperation_ —-

 ** Need**. For: _Favorable_ result.

(Frightening— _still_ ;) That it all came down to a: Choice.

If she _hadn’t_ questioned skittish doctor; if she unknowingly delivered an implant Designed to **_Kill_** _him_ ….

If, if, _if_ …

“Well, from what Clyde just told us: Everything’s working exactly as it should. Not a single complication since the operation. And that’s Thanks to you.” Emily smiles up at her. Reaching over to affably touch side of her arm.

So much — _Grateful_. In Both her and husband’s gaze.

“Now.” A relieved sigh. “I’m just fortunate Jake -- neither of us -- were hurt getting you to Arasaka Tower. But: what about you, V -- how are You feeling?”

“ _That’s_ a Great question.” Glances to voice. Spiked metal plate affixed to middle of Ripperdoc’s shaved head gleaming in sterile fluorescent lights. “Since you so Graciously decided to drop-in of your own volition—saving me painstaking fetch quest of hunting your ass down—I’m thinkin’ a celebratory check-up’s in order.”

V hikes a pierced brow. “If by ‘celebratory’, you mean I get a lolly…”

Clyde tsks. “Fresh outta lollies, I’m afraid - damn shame. Got some freshly stocked ‘Peace of Mind’ though. Great for when you suddenly find yourself grappling with a - heretofore - unknown neurological condition.”

Ripperdoc - plucking - infrared thermometer from medic satchel wrapped around thigh with - practiced ease. Lining touch-free gadget with her forehead then (Ruthlessly) tapping gun-like trigger.

“…Hm.” Watches: eyes - flit behind man’s dark eyewear to LCD screen. “Not bad - - but still higher than I like. Take it easy today.”

Murmurs of Agreement — generously sprinkled with - **Pointed** Motherly and Fatherly and Familial _Disapproval_ — suddenly fill the space, some Aldecaldos going so far as to shift and rise from their beds to shoot her (Debatably _threatening_ ) looks or examine her with long, Worried glances.

V’s. Head dipping at - Attention; bittersweet smile settling on lips. Awed. By sheer: Consideration;

_Love_

of her — New Family…. When. she’s

(Only Brought them through **_Hell_** —-)

Panam’s Laser-like Focus **Locks** on her. Comparable to being **Targeted** by: Hostile _netrunner_. “When was the last time you had Clyde examine you longer than a second?”

(Stifles: _Grimace_ from Dark thoughts before it can fully form.) Letting what _remains_ be interpreted as — reaction to other’s question. “Three days ago.”

Brown eyes whip to Ripperdoc for **Confirmation**.

Camo-draped man not even looking up from adjusting morphine drip. “Jacked in when I gave her a physical before donating blood.”

Aldecaldos Leader’s particular speciality of ‘ _You’re wonderful_ ’ and ‘ _You incomparable_ _Idiot_ ’ darting back to her in Full Force.

Meets it with: Winsome Smile. Fairly sure there - _sparkle_ at corner of her mouth like RealWater ads back in NC. “See? I’mma _good lil Sickie_.”

Panam - scoffs. Brows narrowing crisply. “And you will Continue to be just _That_ until we get you to my contacts.”

Performs: exaggerated Bow. “Yess, your _Excellency_.”

“Hey, V - if you’re done flirting,” - tosses ‘Caldo woman with Pink pixie cut: _Scandalized_ Look; Rumi merely shrugging shoulder of sling-held arm like it’s the most Obvious thing in the world - “You’re Here to read us the next chapter, right? Been having _Dreams_ on how Robbie J will get out of the latest mess he's in.”

V smiles, gently waving Jackie’s paperback for All to see. “Real Doozy. Think you’ll find it Worth the wait. Though,” frowns a bit - “Could always leave the book here? Don’t need me reading to enjoy it.”

“Nah - you reading is what makes it Bearable. Way you do all the voices - even after going through it more than once. …I mean, your Pablo one is Shit.” Another ‘ _How Dare_ ’ cast lying woman’s way. “Do a mean Pilar though.”

V smirks. Easy enough to capture novel’s Matriarch when all she need do is channel her Inner Mama _Welles_.

Turns to glance down: Tunneled space, viewing—other two Connected rigs-turned outpatient wings. Familiar shuffle of Aldecaldos in snugly spaced cots fluffing pillows and getting comfortable for her imminent Reading… Optics - catching - Panam’s summoning motion in their corners once glancing back.

Smooth flick of head, Beckoning her near.

V - Lifting metal-cased finger to her Awaiting Audience, stating “A moment” in Spanish; before striding over. Head cocking curiously.

Other leveling - Deliberate gaze - entirety of her amble. “Serving your Daily penance?”

“Nothing gets past you.” Watches: freckled nose - _Wrinkle_ \- with Irritation. In Way that—sets her Off _every_ _time_. V smirking. “Ohhh. I know that look. That’s your: ‘I can’t tell if you’re being Sarcastic or not and it’s _Pissing me off_ ’ one.”

The wrinkle Deepens. “Never did take Much from you, after all.”

Feels: smirk grow. Before - - waning…. V. Glancing over their surroundings. “It’s been Proven. _Countless_ studies….” Panam shoots her a Confused( _Exasperated_ ) look from--sudden topic change. “People Heal faster when you visit them; when they - have something to look _Forward_ to.” Can’t help — _Smile_. At: gossiping Clinic occupants. “Doesn’t matter how small. Body just - _Knows_. When someone’s around who Cares.” Shifts. Leaning—Hip against metal wall. Corner of mouth curling as her Arms fold. “And. Least they Appreciate timeless literature. Unlike a certain ‘Caldos chief needin’ her Nap time.”

“We Both know I only need your shoulder for that.” Her expression’s Returned. If not a bit - - begrudgingly. “Having you read to me while on it was merely the _Premium_ Package.”

“Well - Damn.” V chuckles. “Don’t know if that’s more Flattering for me or you…”

Panam’s lips quirk that little bit higher. Gaze - glinting - like she’ll Never tell. ….Before gusting a _sigh_. “If what you’ve been doing has Any correlation with the reports I’ve been getting from Clyde, you will hear no arguments from me. At this rate…” a - Hopeful glance. Cast along room’s perimeter. “It won’t be long ‘til Moving in Earnest again.”

…Doesn’t respond. Glancing away. (All too)Familiar— ** _Bitter_**. Rising, bile-like, in her Throat.

Had been the one to tell Panam the Aldecaldos had done —- _Enough_.

 _Refused_ to keep traveling. After rejoining rest of clan at designated meeting point following subterranean passage through old smuggling tunnel. Successfully( _Joyously_ ) bypassing Arasaka counter-measures swarming Arizona border wall _unscathed_. V—Immediately Confirming - once securing Family’s relative safety near San Luis outskirts - Arasaka forces in Night City still - - _Hemorrhaging_ \- -

Sifting through: State of _Ruin_ it’d been Left in. Largely inflicted by AI (with Blessing of Rockerboy-Terrorist engram) Absorbing untold number of victim constructs within program it Created, then -

Bringing Tower to its Knees.

No one but Alt knowing - - _Havoc_ yet to be Unleashed beyond the Blackwall.

Bad news for AI’s enemies; but undeniably Useful for band of nomads fleeing under the radar. MegaCorps’ brandished auxiliary forces noticeably - _struggling_ \- with: Cut-off _head_. Barely outside shadow of Emperor’s untimely Death and Yorinobu’s Wild Card ascension. Even unchecked former-gangoon having to tread _Lightly_ with ( _Appearances_ )pursuit of ‘aggressors’ who Took Out rival Militech troops as collateral and harbors Killer of Adam Smasher—even if she _was_ still **Dying**.

Additional Threat to whatever Dared attempt hunt them down lying in Drought-wracked dustbowls themselves. Brutal Sandstorms, Unforgiving Heat and Scarcity of Resources (to those who Didn’t know the lands) that would put any semblance of provisioned substitutes in Shiv crosshairs subduing all but most Hardened enemy deployments. Beyond Major checkpoints -- little to no _presence_ of infamous Arasaka security details. Cloaked drones roaming skies more **Threat** than anything else.

But she can **Handle** that.

(Knows that _Changes_ by the **_Day_** )—But it: All Amounting to — _Time_.

For _Every Person_ to _Recover_. While they had - modicum of Advantage.

Laid it out to newly solo Leader when she—Also Needed _Rest_. Point of _Contention_ \- between them; but (— just as V knew _Then_ ) — **Family** _Always_ won _out_.

“Anyway.” Panam, no doubt recognizing Turn in her mood—Knowing Exactly what she’s _Thinking_ —alters course. “I wanted you to know I’ll likely have a job for you.” That catches V’s attention. “ _If_ you think you can manage it.”

(Decides to focus - More - On Opportunity. Than - seeping Concern.) “What a Vague challenge.” Pushes from wall. Straightening. “Still on its first draft?”

“You know me well.” And there’s that - Special, again. That -

(Only for _Her_ )

Aldecaldos Leader nodding. “Yes - ironing out what wrinkles remain with Mitch, Cass, and Carol. But we will let you in on things soon enough.”

V appraises her. Brows raised. Other’s eyes Immediately narrowing.

“Ugh. Whatever— _This_ is.” Mimes about V’s face. “Just -- spit it out.”

“Kinda. Impressed? Adding me All: _Formal-like_.” Curbs. Smirk that wants to creep up. “Coulda just Ordered me to do it. Usually - toss me into these things, make me play catch-up as I go.” **Fails**. "Baby Leader grow up?”

“Oh - Fuck you.” And that Hand’s— **Back** on belted hip. “I _Could_ have ordered you to do it, But suspected you’d Like that too much. And why bother? Everyone knows by this point you’ll Nod and come Running. Like always.”

“Path of least Resistance. Everyone also knows You’d just Collect my ass otherwise.” Panam rolls her eyes(—but Doesn’t **_Deny_** it). V chuckling; then

….letting it fade. “What about tonight?”

Another nod. But it’s - - distant.

\- Distracted. “The ‘Official’ reason I’m here.” Brown eyes sweep and …linger. On select cots. “A few will need Assistance, but. Everyone appears well enough to attend. The Funeral for,” inhales through nose. “Those of us who did not make it.”

Another - _Knife_.

 **Guilt** ; lodged between _Ribs_ ;

Ghosts enough to -- _choke_ _her_

Making it

(so hard to - - _breathe_ …)

Glance(soft) - back her way, before she can even _say_ — -

“You were right.” Panam—snorts. “Do not give me that look.” (V tempers her _Astonished_.) “We needed this. To stop - to Recover; to Heal. Not just our broken bones.”

The Aldecaldos Leader falls silent. As if the - Admittance \- is a **Heavy** one;

 **Deserves** it.

V watching… gradual tumble. Of natural dark brows.

Other woman’s face— _shifting_ with —- _Warring_ emotions. “I wanted to keep moving, to Accomplish the task set in front of me. Get our Family to—‘ _Better_ ’. As soon as I possibly could.” A censuring breath. Directed only at **Self**. “I felt I owed that much.”

V’s jaw tenses. _Flexes_ \- as she swallows Deep.

Taste of: Too Familiar.

Sudden(— ** _Jarring_** —)Realization,

Not once;

\- _Once_.

Has she — Ever _seen_ Panam cry. For _Anyone_ ; (Teddy - Bobby -)

Scorpion;

Saul.

Even _with_ their _Complicated_ \- Arguments and—- _Barbs_. Knew: Panam - _Screamed_ ; because she **Loved**. Unmistakable. Former leader - - father-figure to her.

But,

(Even--Him.) Only saw her - Yell - or _Devise_ \- or —- **Act**.

Wonders(— _Worries_ ); if she **Did** cry. Was it.

Always.

\- Alone…?

Only - single occurrence. In all the time she’s known her. When she: Witnessed anything— _Close_. When Panam - sniffled. Nose _hiking_ ; face _scrunching_ ; shadowed eyes Narrowing from - - **_Pressure_** …

Then it was: _Gone_.

….(Doesn’t - _Want_ to)Stop: Inclination - - _Impulse_ bringing her feet—-Forward.

(Can’t _Stand it_ )…

Bringing them Close.V’s Brows - _Wrenching_ \- peering into Brown eyes.

(Wonders: What other— _sees_ )Aldecaldos Leader meeting Movement. Taking: short step back.

Raising gloved hand. “V - I’m fine.”

“ _Are_ you?” (Doesn’t move.) **Respecting** **it**.

Unsurprised by Indomitable Will that never - _Wavers_.

**Stares** it **Down** Unblinkingly.

Emotion — _Permeating_ — her like -

‘ _Please_ ’

Only notices - when Panam doesn’t answer(blinking away) -how: Quiet. Area around them’s become.

Quick glance revealing: Everyone Staring.

\-- Near _Bated breath_ ;

Some to her; some to Panam - (All) _Hungry_ for —- **Next**.

(…Pretty sure she spots: eddies about to _Exchange_ _Hands_ )

Even Clyde. **Pausing** in duties to. Observing them **Intently**.

_Et tu, Clyde?_

- _pushes out_ : Indulgent breath. Grinning wryly. Scratching shaved side of her head before glancing back. “…Ever get the feeling you’re being watched?”

Panam - Huffs. (Regaining whatever Calm was—Needed.) Eyes rolling in - Exaggerated fashion Solely reserved for —- **_Family_**. “ _Really_? -- Should I run out and grab popcorn for everyone? Adjust headrests? Heaven _forbid_ any of you grew _Inconvenienced_ while eavesdropping on Us.”

One of the older ‘Caldos - Len - strokes his (admittedly _Impressive_ ) braided salt and pepper beard. Emerald eyes sparkling with Mirth. “Iffin you’d be so Kind, little missy.”

Rumi tilts her head - just as theatrically - barely restraining smirk. “All we’re sayin’ is: Tension between you two’s _Infinitely_ more bingeworthy than Maria and Robbie J. The ‘ _Will They - Won’t They_ ’ _Energy_ \- ugh…” performs a chef’s kiss.

V shaking her head a bit - scoffing a _laugh_. Unable to _Completely_ deny comparison — mostly with Maria for woman before her.

( **Definitely** **not** : _Submissive_ , Miraculously healed by Jordan’s dick _bullshit_ ), but -

 _Filled_. With Same: Raw _Earthiness_. Majestic _Beauty_ ….

Woman embodying - Ideal. Tested and, inevitably - - _Broken_.

Undeniable Inner Strength wrapped in scars and small fragiles.

Still. Panam’s—-More than: representation.

Knows the woman - **Bleeds** and **Feels** —- _Deep_.

“Hey, fam - if needless Meddling’s through - - do Kindly, fuck off.” Wheezing laughter and beaming grins follow the Directive. Aldecaldos Leader already stalking away. “V — come with me.”

Salutes. About to tag along after Her Majesty’s growl of “… _Drive_ me _Insane_ …”; before… stalling at Emily’s approach.

Brunette smiling sympathetically - but: Just as _teasing_ as others. “I’ll make sure they give you your Privacy.” (A handful of Pointed _hoots_ and wolf- _whistles_ ) Woman stepping up to her. “And take your place for today’s reading - if you don’t Mind?”

—( _Unconscious_ ) **Grip**. Of Jackie’s book between her fingers; something

So _Precious_ …

before it -- reverts.

 _Illogical_.

(Realizes its: _Absurd_ \- when she Openly _Offered_ to leave paperback in Clinic not _ten_ minutes ago.)

V — Offering lightly worn novel. Because the woman’s **_Family_**. Any Anxiety she once felt —- eased by: Quiet knowing;

Emily’s understanding smile. Woman securing; cradling. Book with both hands. “She’s waiting for you.”

Turns with a wink as V -

 _exhales_.

Rolls out a shoulder. Hastening to join - - One who Waited for her.

Panam idly(restlessly) scratching - - grazing Black-tipped fingers along wall once she _Resumes_. Eventually - _Flicking_ pointer finger against thumb; targeting random items passed.

Recognizes the ticks. Clear Indicator: other woman - _Thinking_.

About what \-- _Anyone’s_ guess.

Aldecaldos Leader: Claiming corner, flanked by stacked crates. Moment they reach—End. Of last rig.

Finally alone.

But there’s a— _Tense_ in leather shoulders;

\-- _Tight_ \--to curl of gloved hands.

Hands. she can Hold now. Woman she can ( _Wholeheartedly_ ) Comfort.

(….How does _That_ make her **_Feel_** …?)

V. Looking up at her fri-

The Lead- -

…Her: second Output?(—Immediately thinks: ‘ _Girlfriend_ ’. Suits other -- _Better_.)

But she’s getting ahead of herself.

 _If_. That’s what Panam wants.

Feels - their - - Nebulous ( _Perilous_ ) Grey. Where there’s — so Much _Potential_ … where -

 _God_ ,

She could—- ( _Lose_ ) ** _Ruin Everything_** ….

V - loosing - - _shaky_ exhale;

Following: single Inclination she— **Can’t** Doubt.

Makes her Intention Clear. Slow -- Steady… reach of hand — Checking other’s response -

( _Discomfort_? _Aversion_?)

But there’s: Nothing _like_ that.

Panam watching approaching hand—Her. With: silent wonder; with: small nod.

V…smoothing plane of shoulder; fingers trailing durable leather and — _Good Lord…_ — was she: Always this _Tense_?

…Works area for a bit. Rolling digits massaging Stiffness. Until… muscles beneath her Touch - - quiver and - _give_. Panam loosing quiet sigh. V - smiling. Hand sliding over cliff of shoulder; to caress: red sleeve of arm;

Unhurried descent. Down: length of forearm. Over: cladded wrist.

Covering gloved hand. Moving to -- Balance Weight of half-exposed fingers; evenly spaced on top hers. _Grazing_ … equal care paid to knuckles with thumb… Before…

Propping other’s hand with deft movement.

— slotting other’s fingers within her Own.

feels her: Heart shiver

Another - untenable breath -

(Utterly)Unprepared for

(… _Intimate_ ).

Moment (breathless; _electric_ ) when Panam’s fingers - _falter_ \- with _Hesitation_ …. Before—Decidedly—curling. To metal plates of her knuckles as well.

V. Unable to stop staring at—Twine—of their fingers; contrasts and similars in: Browns of their palms(Wondering: How —- _Long_? Either of them -? _Wanted_ _this_ ) …like a- - _Marvel_ ….

Feels: _Miraculous_

Finally. Glancing up to see Panam staring too; little - _trembling_ breath - - when V coils her digits in Response - barest touch _firmer_.

“…How are you?” Doesn’t know - Why it leaves a whisper. Why: her Voice is different. Just that

Something: Changed.

\- shifted;

From clinic Proper to—where They stand **Now**.

Once their Hands: Met….

“Stubborn bastard.” Panam’s voice ( **Different** ) too.

Or maybe just— _More_?

(Everything - - More)As Their eyes: _Catch_. V - lost for a moment. Staring into Brown depths… suddenly so - _Foreign_. Cripplingly - -

_Revealed_

Heightened: by smoky eye shadow.

Feels like she - _Forgot_ \--

(…Disassociated?)

How _Stupidly Gorgeous_ other woman is…

Feels like an— ** _Attack_**. Almost - _Belligerent_ … With other. so. _Near_ …

Aldecaldos Leader - sighing again. “Keep looking at me like that; and I am bound to get Us in all sorts of trouble.”

 _oh_ …

Feels: instinctual Flame - **lick**. ( _Sputter_ and - Flare)

 _Gasps_ -

Because(— **That’s** _New_.)

On - - _Both_ sides.

V; wetting her lips. Brown eyes tracking the motion.

Grinning. “Always was a - _Troublemaker_ …” Panam’s eyelids -- taper;

( _Fuck_ \- - that’s **_Dangerous_** ….)

swallows. “But. For now.” Squeezes. Gloved Hand. “This is. Wonderful?”

Smiles;

( _Yes_.)

Bringing Panam’s side of their clasped hands to - Rest. Against her scarred cheek.

Letting her eyes fall closed;

Hearing: Another - _hitched_ breath.

“ _Shit_ , V… how do you even _Do_ that…?” Flutters eyes back open. Raising pierced brow to question. Panam’s gaze _Slitting_. Like she wants to - _Smack her_. “You Truly have no idea how much you Piss me Off.”

Smiles at her - _Brightly_.

( _Endlessly_ Enjoying)Gradual - - _dissolve_. Of other’s Annoyance. “You,” Panam - scoffs - “Have—Literally—just held my hand; yet. _Fuck…_ ” Eyelids screw tight. Lashes trembling. “- my heart is racing….”

Woman (gently) bringing their hands from cheek; to - Press. To center of her Chest.

V’s — eyes Widening — because

She’s _Right_.

( **Feels** it)Rapid, _hurried_ **thumps**. Right beneath her fingers.

Panam. Gazing down at covered Place at her chest; then… Looking up to her. soft. And - -

Incomparably _Feminine_ ….

V - shuddering. Own _Pulse_ kicking up in return. Fueled with: Rampant _affection_ \- a…

pooling **_Weight_** that -

( _Scares_ )startles her.

Leaves her: _Breathless_

Latent and Uncultivated. (But -)

Brimming for - - _Release_

“I meant it.” V - Blinks. To voice.

(—- _Invasion_ of her: Thoughts.)

Panam glancing to far wall. “I’m Fine. You don’t have to concern yourself over me.” Free gloved hand - briskly(apprehensively) - taps. Side of denim thigh. “How are things with you and…”

V’s mouth flickers to a smile(—Because: There’s that _Consideration_ ). Even if it doesn’t - _Feel_ _right_. “Jude’s. A trooper.” Nothing too dramatic. But \- "Think. Think it’s too early to tell. That we’re All still: _Processing_.”A knot takes her brow. “Tryin' to figure out what This is. What We want.”

“….what do you want, V?” quiet. Brown eyes finding hers once more.

V: Feeling heart— **Thud** in her chest. Because -

That’s the _Question_ , isn’t it?

One she needs to: **Confront**. Needs to — _Work out_.

(So she Stops **_Hurting_** _Everyone_ ….)

Flicks through: accessible answers; stilling at -

‘ _Whatever you Want._ ’

But that’s—- ** _Despicable_**. That’s:

Putting All the **Weight** on **Her**.

V: Inhaling.

( …Pushing it out. “Feeling. Feeling a lot of things right now. All these - _Thoughts_ in my Head…” ( _Endless; Needling_ ) “Just. Don’t wanna rush it.”

(God - doesn’t wanna—- _Rush_ )

But that isn’t-- Fair.

(Others' Lives - _Disrupted_ ; Pure: _Upheaval_ \- while she’s. Standing Still)Isn’t Fair to Panam or Judy. - Both: Giving her—so Much _More_ …

 **More** than she’s Earned.

Has to move—- _Forward_.

“But. I. Mm.” Rolls her lips; brows _furrowing_. (Because it feels like an -- _Unfaithful_

 **Disservice** to Judy to even get - _Near it_ \- -

…Bites inside of cheek and—Reminds herself. She -

 _Isn’t_ going behind anyone’s back. (Isn’t: **wrong**.)

Not when they all Agreed.

Tamps down - conventional Instinct. That: has no **Place** _here_. Looking other woman in the eye. “It’s not. Like it’s Impossible, Pan. You know. I flirted. Before I-” …stumbles. “Before: We.” Gestures, _wordlessly_ , between them. “But I _Stopped_. Cut it Down to the Root. Because I didn’t want you Uncomfortable. Because - you only being attracted to men was _Fine_.” Scoffs. A self-deprecating laugh. “Not like you were the first straight girl to turn me down.”

All— **Part** of It.

Figuring it out. Gauging Interest.

Had: Misread the Signs. Endured the ( _God-Awful_ )Awkward. **Then** -

Moved _on_.

“But - we got through it. And I: Gained an _Amazing_ _friend_ …” V. Taking halting breath. Air filling her chest feeling - - Unstable. “So. This feels like _Digging_ ; like -- excavating. Something I didn’t _Think_ could be There. And -” feels: tongue and teeth — _work_ words that: Refuse to Form.

Closes her mouth. Powerless. Feeling - shoulders _slump_ with **Defeat**. Until: “…I’m scared.”

Panam’s eyes widen; and there’s an - _Echo_ there; a - _Mirrored_ in her gaze. Like she: Needed V to say it _Too_.

(…Waiting…)

For: Someone. To - _Understand_ her feelings. Aldecaldos Leader’s—Grip— _Tightening_ around her hand.

Gathering it Closer to chest. Warm brown skin.

V: swallowing (- blinking). Forcing out another breath.

(Because—she’s not **Finished**.)

 _Has_ to be - - More.

“So - I. More than _Anything_. What to give you Time. Be - given - Time in return. To find out what this is.” Quickly shakes her head. “Don't Doubt what you feel for me. I’m-” _exhales_ ; “Awe-struck. Fucking - _Blown Away_ … At what you’ve endured _because_ of it.” Lifts her free hand ( - Another: Steady; Slow…). Gains - Permission. Before:

Wrapping arm around lower back. Right below red hem of Jacket.

“Never wanted to Hold someone so Much ‘til seeing you Lonely on that bar.”

 ** _Killed her_** that she— _Couldn’t_ -

 **Had** to stay: Impartial. **Had** to: not show Favor to One over the _Other_. With things so - - _Uncertain_ ….

(Deeper than That): May not have been a Touch Panam even _Wanted_.

Despite what she felt.

But - Panam’s not - - _Resisting_ her Touch _now_. (Leans: _into_ _it_ )Woman’s eyes narrowing with that

 ** _Pressure_**.

Lips - trembling - with _Emotion_. Line of brows - ducking.

“You goddamn sweet-talker…” harmless. If Anything, it’s —- _Vulnerable_ ;

Something like - surprise in brown eyes. V Knowing in that Instant she: Automatically Thought she’d take Judy’s side.

When.

There are -

No _Sides_ in this.

Cradles Panam's back that - little bit more. ( _Glad_ she _said_ it.) -

“But this. Is Hardest on - _You_ , isn’t it?”

Catches her -

 _Off-guard_.

V - _blinking_. (Recovering)Shaking her head. “Hardest on the ones I’m Hurting Most.” When -

 ** Neither** of Them _asked_ for this. When:

 _She_ , Selfishly, wanted **Both** to Win….

“Still. Think you need to figure some things out. No matter how Strong your feelings. This is A _Lot_ , Pan. And I wanna _Help_ that - - not complicate it.”

Whatever: _Could_ be.

When she doesn’t even Know - what the other _Wants_ ; what’s:

 _Expected of her_.

Panam nodding. **Gratitude** in her eyes so—Deep. _Unmistakable_ …. Before the body in her grasp--stiffens. “Fuck. -- I have shit to do. The Funeral - I -”

V stops her with a nod. Understanding. “Have some preparing to do myself.” Has a brow - arched - Questioningly her way at that - but. Doesn’t _give_ More. Raising own brow enigmatically. “…See you tonight?”

Another Nod. “V.” Panam pulls her back in when she makes to untangle and - pace away. Keeping her Near. “Even if I’m busy - just. If you Need me…” leaves: the Words they Both Know( _Her_. **Fault**.) - unsaid. “You don’t _Hesitate_. Drag me away if Necessary.”

Smiles. Soft. “Should be the one saying that to you.” Other’s brows - Furrow - in _telltale_ way; like she’s about to **Debate** \- -

V - cutting her off at the Pass. “Wanna be the person you Turn to.”

“You already Are, idiot.” Bit of a glare forming; but - More: additional **Heavy** to brows. “If you don’t know that by now…”

Leans in. Peering into eyes. “ _More_ then.” Brings their Palms together and - _Caresses_ her thumb. “Whatever you Need.” ….V. smirking. “Heart’s pickin’ up again.”

“Shut it.” Panam - exhaling. “ _If_. It goes both ways… I'll think about it.”

Smirk widens to Grin. “ _Mm_ … Have to Keep _up_ with _me_ …”

_husks_ it. Just a touch of - _heat_.

Pulse beneath her fingertips - _Spiking_ \- Again - 

Other woman - Visibly: _Affected_ …. before

—- _Pushing_ her away.

V - Tittering.

Waving (adorable)Chief goodbye. Panam offering one last ( _fondly exasperated_ ) glance over shoulder; before going on her way.

* * *

“What’s got you Lit?”

(Instantly)Minimizes: contents — multiple windows — tiled across optic interface. To:

 **Voice**.

New and - - endlessly _Desired_ … Clearly caught with pupils aglow; V(relaxing, posed hands) -- ejecting slotted shard.

Quieting: Audible poem. Haunting _Ache_ ; Ephemeral strains of fluid nocturne, gracing tent with: downward - swipe - of finger in phone’s direction. Before - -

Choking back a —- _Scream_.

“ _Glasses_ Judy??” Claps _wildly_. “ _Glasses Judy_!!” Shifts - and Cranes _forward_ — from Blue beanbag chair transplanted from her old apartment. As if-minutest inch could make ( _Glorious_ )Experience even -- _Better_. “Quick! - say something technical! Say: ‘ _Pythagorean Theorem_ ’!!”

Tech - shaking head at Request;

 _Rolling_ eyes—- _Slow_. Making a spectacle of it;

(Making it Clear she knew Request: **Denied**.) Behind thick lenses of squared black frame. Hugging just that slightest - _low_ ; against bridge of nose that—-leaves V near- _Feral_ …. Tent flap still settling behind her.

“Sand irritated my contacts.” Judy beelines for her desk - setting down small box filled with all sorts of components, RAM sticks, jutting wires and various other thingamabobs next to half-disassembled drone. V’s fawning continuing - _Uninterrupted_ ; Output whipping around and squinting at her. “Why you gotta make this a Big deal every time?”

“Because you’re Perfect. Glasses Judy is _Perfect_.” Looses - happy little _Sigh_. “When she so Utterly Embodies her Inner _Neerd_.”

“Like I’mma take that from You? Sittin’ over there listenin’ to _Classical_ music, stack of shards in lap no doubt Relentlessly Educational. Epitome of ‘Nerd’ poster child?”

“Yet,” trails pad of finger along metal strip of angled cyberware bordering eye with—Distinguished _flourish_ , “I make no effort to Hide I am a part of the _Intelligentsia_.”

Has a Brow cocked her way, Skeptical. Other **Deliberately** eyeing all her piercings. V’s face scrunching with distaste. “ _Racist_.”

Judy - _snorting_ a laugh before Whirling back to Desk; hand collecting small pair of wrenches from side pocket.

(Feels like a _parallel_ …)

Hazy.

\-- _Far_.

V - glancing down at sneakers. Recalling( ** _Pain_** ): T-Bug from exchange.

(Word.)

How Aloof netrunner would still— make _time_. To ‘philosophize’ with her.

How she’d even get a few smiles….

Realizes(--Too _Late_ ): She’s been Quiet too Long; too many

\- beats of Protracted _silence_ -

How their Tent grew - - Cold.

When she looks up to Dark eyes (Scrutinizing--); slightly narrowed - scanning her face.

Shifts in her seat. Knowing she’ll be—- _Stripped_ soon. …. _Eaten Alive_ …. If those eyes Keep — **_Digging_**.

V(Pushing Ghost back _Down_ \- and): “Hey - wanna hear my Word of the Day?”

Waits.

Breaking Grin - _lengthening_ \-- bit by bit. Enticingly Bouncing pierced brow at increasingly Higher increments - until Judy - - relents. Corner of mouth and eyes - _crinkling_ \- against will.

“ _Yeess_ \- you Gonk.”

“‘Dido’. No - not ‘Dildo’, sex-brain—Calm _Down_.” Judy smirks.

Winks in ( ** _Devastating_** )fashion. Adjusting glasses at temple. “Not only on My mind. Apparently.”

…V - clearing throat from: Teasing _drawl_. ( _Heat_ that Winds _around_ her…) Thighs pressing ( _tiniest_ bit)Closer. “It means a mischievous trick or playful prank. Let me use it in a sentence:” _Dramatically_ Clears throat once more: “‘Hacking his personal cooler, Mitch will surely appreciate V’s lovingly executed dido upon reaching for his evening beer.’.”

Judy scoffs - but the Amusement’s There. “ _Saa-vaage_.”

“He knows what he Did.”

“‘Bro’ energy off da _charts_ …” V beams Proudly. Tech plopping down on her stool; buckle of loose overall strap grazing metal leg. Lifting: three-ring inked finger and Gesturing - twice - to filled lap. “Now that Education Station’s through - gonna answer my question?”

Beam softens to smile. Sentimental. “Was in the middle of reading your Editorial for Relive.It.” Shakes head with rolling, awed - breath. Pleasure _evident_. “Gets me every time. _Exquisite_ , Jude.”

“ _Again_?” And There’s a (bashful) - flick of her output’s head. Expression half-hidden by green and purple for - _moments_ … “Geez, V. Find somethin’ else to do with your Life.”

“Again.” Confirms it. Smile - growing at Sight. “Picky as hell about what I read, too—‘specially more than once. But: This. It’s. Brilliant—You’re _Brilliant_. Posing your arguments so Elegantly. ‘Distracting thoughts, irrelevant memories, loose associative threads, emotions stretching beyond the desired spectrum…’ - _Ugh_ … you’re so _Talented_ ….” quote of other’s (Gorgeous)words Filling her with brimming sense of - _Admiration_. “Just. Love seeing your Flow. Wanna Discuss it with you; Engage that Big, Beautiful brain.”

“Geek.” But those lips are twitching. That: Creeping, doesn’t wanna _Admit it_ \- grin.

(— _Loves_ it.) Curtain of hair draped back to usual place as fingers catch residual strands. “Shoot.”

(Wants to Clap again) - almost _Does_. Vein of _Excitement_ , from Being—Indulged. V leaning back into receptive beanbag. “Is the title ‘BD Editor’, in itself, Contradictory?”

Judy - _hums_. Pleased and - - _Interested_. Lips - quirking - to (Wonderful)little _smirk_. Before it’s tucked away. “Go on…”

“If the industry’s -- in your words -- Obsession is to edit for Purity; but the profession’s Obligation emphasis of what’s already There — does it _all_ become Manufactured? Less presenting Raw Experience, but - - whatever point Editor dictates you see?” V tilts her head. “Is it ‘Natural’ if edited to achieve it?”

“Right - so that’s the Balance I was talkin’ about. Think of it as the Line every Editor inevitably meets - - razor-thin.” Extends: pointer fingers on either hand. Judy, smoothly, spacing them certain width apart. “Neither extreme really sits right; already detailed purity route, but too much focus on peripheral outliers and you get a forest for the trees type of deal. It’s - too evocative; too Distracting. Too - outside the realm of what human minds are supposed to process. Impossible to focus on BD as a Whole.”

Output - smiles — and it’s: _Mysterious_ and - Lovely…. Soles of synth-leather boots rocking as arms fall back to her thighs. “As for your other bit: If it has to be edited is it no Longer Natural or - True to the experience? ‘nother academic -- all sorts of supposed ‘BD experts’ knocking their heads against theoretical walls, tryin' to figure that out. But: ‘Truth’ is subjective -- we’re Always leaving fingerprints; indelible trails of our own thoughts and perceptions. So - way I see it: Editing’s a sort of magnifying glass, smudged with our lingering intents. But - get the viewer Close enough, Deep enough—and those prints become indistinct. Image brought into much sharper Focus.”

(Rolls lips to temper - Peaking **_Desire_** )

Fuck - she’s so _Hot_ ;

Fuck - those _Glasses_ …

V - busying herself with collecting shards in lap. Stacking them neatly. Settling them aside to ground.

(Primly)Crossing her legs.

Libido be **Damned**. This is an Illuminating Discourse and it will be **Finished**.

Judy. Slowly; Innocently hiking brow; Glint in Dark Eyes (slight- _press_ of red lips) showing she knows Exactly what she’s _Doing_. Fingers moving to sweep (Perfectly fine)multi-colored strands; _just_ to trail black frame as well. “V?”

“So --” (- _Conflicted_ ;) “editing’s full of tiny manipulations - but they’re - for the ‘Greater Good’?”

“Somethin' like that.” A - - _Lingering_ glance. Following length of her legs like a Physical touch. “But. Yeah: see your point. Maybe ‘stead of ‘BD Editor’ it should be -- ‘BD Enhancer’. Viewing what’s there, pickin’ up on Intent - taking it in. Not so much - Changing, but. —Unlocking. Then it becomes Collaboration. To make it its Most Visceral; and Beautiful; and Ugly; and Empathetic.”

(Feels: Shutting down of pathways - questions and pressings once Urgent - - dwindling on her tongue.) Struggling to Concentrate; struggling to - _Maintain_

(—Isn’t the Only One). But there’s something she **Has** to ask. Something she's: Been Wanting to _Know_. “Why use your initials, Jude? Why not put it in your name? Not for wealth — or notoriety.” **Knows** : other doesn’t Care about those things. Integrity in her Genius - her _Making_ \- Attracting V from the start. “But: because it’s - Yours?”

An easy shrug. “Don’t matter who’s Hand it comes from long as the Question’s out there. Takin’ Root.” Passing Irritation - _Disgust_ \- across features. “‘sides: didn’t want Corpos trackin’ me down, hounding me. Get a whiff I wrote for some major publication, might start thinkin’ I’m more amenable to sell out.”

V smiles. Because - Of Course that’s her Answer -

(Because she’s so - _Lucky_ …) “You’re probably right.” Woman - knowing **That** World better than she ever will. “Still. So Damned Glad I Know the person behind the words.”

Judy stares at her. And it’s that _Gauge_ she knows well. Test everything Has to _Pass_ before it’s - -

_Real_

Output rising from stool. Pacing towards her. “Y’know. Back in Night City: Always felt like. People lookin’ at me - corpos, badges, rando Joe ‘cross the street - wouldn’t see nothin’ but a statistic. Nameless, faceless gangoon. ‘Nother Soul sucked into the ‘City of Dreams’ and wrung Dry. Hollow.” Scoffs. “Bodybag waitin’ to happen. But.” Pauses. Before her seated form. Look Down to her so -- _Exceptional_ ( - flickering Vulnerabilities -) it makes her breath - _snag_ \- in throat. “You See Me, V. More than surface.”

Judy lowers to both knees. Shifting: Near. Body—Pressing to crossed legs. “Said I was a Siren, but. Thinkin’.” Hand drags up her shin. “Thinkin’: You’re My downfall. Dragged me from the Depths… Tempted me to sand; Dry, Treacherous Land…. Made me Forget everything Behind.” Fingers tiptoe over strapped kneepad. Dark eyes— **Pinning** **her** —behind glasses; as her legs are unraveled…

Spread apart. “Only wanna Sing to You.”

Judy - Leaning in(Catching: chin to Bring her forward)—Joining their Mouths. Kissing her Deeply;

( _Falls_ _into_ _her_ …)

Lingering pecks; after. One after the other( _Endless_ )

( _Tastes - Amazing_ …)

“Only wanna Keep - _You_ …”

V’s Heart— **Slamming** against Ribcage. Lips - _Failing_ \- to form words other -- kisses away….

Only able to - - _Manage_. Once feeling: Fingers. Tightening over Knot to her pants.

“…Judy…”

A—Sharp _tug_. Tied barrier of her yoros - falling free. “ _Pythagorean theorem_ …”

 _Groans_ ; under breath. Blinking away.

 _Fuck_ ;

“Okay - I, uhm…” Judy - smirks. ( _Entirely_ _too_ ) **Satisfied**. Lidded gaze peering down as she. Shifts: even _Closer_.

Beanbag - _sighing_ \- beneath them.

 ** _Shit_** ;

“May have.” -- _Fucking Words, V_ \-- “Shot myself in the Foot there. Not, uh. Thought that entirely Through….”

“Rare. For my _Intellectual_ …” Purred. Fingers of output’s free hand—Raking up hem of her graphic tee; rolling cloth - nails— _scratching_ —( _quivering_ )revealed abs. “I’ll take that as a Compliment.”

Slightest - shift. ( _Hot_ )Mouth—dipping. Centering: On long petals of Lotus Flower at her neck. Kisses devolving to - _licks_ and _nibbles_. Around flowing patterns and circuitry. Tip of tongue tracing Every Detail surrounding tattooed bloom….

Fuck, Fuck, _Fuck_ …

Judy pushing her Back ( - _further_ -) to gain better - - Leverage. Hand shoved (Mercilessly) **Decisively** beneath linen hem and her panties.

V - _gasping_ ,

 _Arching_ ;

Knows: her Wet—- _obscene_. Body wanting(- wanting - _Wanting_ …) what’s on Offer.

Body aware of - What it’s continuously been Denied.

(What - She \- **Denied** it.)

Still: _wants_ to -

“ _Fuck_ , Jude…”

(Her Head’s- Blanking -)Growing crook to Output’s Grin as she - _Discovers_ _it_.

\- Tsks. “Look at you. All: _Worked up_ ….” Expression developing - _Wicked_ edge. “I’ll Take Care of that.”

Finger entering her,

 _Oh, Fuck_ …

shouldn’t

 **Feel** that - _Good_ ….

Quickly followed by second and third. Delving; easing past (all-too _Willing_ )folds. V’s thighs - _Trembling_ \- - as Heel of Judy’s Palm — Constantly Grinds her clit.

Tech - sighing. Eyes faintly rolling upward; Lashes _fluttering_ in Particular ecstasy. “ _No better Place to be_ …”

Can’t help — (Wanton) _Clench_ — around her. At - _rasped_ words. Output chuckling.

“Miss me?”

V: Nods. Dumbly. Mutely.

Judy - nodding back - _Smiling_ ( **Knowing** …). Mouths - _breaths apart_ \- kept in _Excruciating_ _graze…_. Until: other

descends;

Captures her lips _again_.

Smooth, Liquid Pleasure; boiling - - _Hot_. Each time their eyes Meet.

Each time Brown eyes: **Devour her**. Each time Judy - - _Languidly_ …Kisses and —- _Takes_.

(Wants to be **Devoured** )Prisoner to fingers and - lips -

Eyes;

 _More, More, More_ …

Losing to it(it could - - Be so _Simple_ ….); rolling eddies of her pleasure. V’s. Head, gradually, lolling back…

Until her optics snag on: _Whale_. Dense,

 _Anxious_ fishes;

Painful - _plick_ \- of jarring High note, more tumbling in _dizzying_ (ebbing) spiral; emitting from her phone.

“J-Jude…”

“ _Mmm_?”

Hummed. Siren-sweet.

V…shifting. Little bit nearer ‘til their foreheads—Touch. “- _Love you_ …”

Judy rolls into her clit harder - _four_ fingers in her now; (fathomless)eyes peering in. “Charmin’ me, V?”

“No.” Shakes her head, too \- as if the word isn’t - enough. “Just.” _sighs_. “ _Constant_ …”

 _no_ ,

(That isn’t **It**.)

Not _Nearly_ -

“ _Free_.” - _breathes_ it. (Blinking)to Clear. Head enough.

Before she’s: **_Swallowed Completely_** ….

Hand raising. Fingers stretched. Nails marking -- _Reverent_ trail. Along edge of cyberware and scalp. “No need to Earn it.”

And it’s - - _Immediate_

“…Fuck, V…” Feels her output—Stiffen. Fingers inside her—Halt. Judy’s eyes - - Wide.

Looking - - Caught _Out_

**_Breached_ **

Head - falling. Hidden under green-purple Veil.

Hand not trapped within confines of her pants, _curling_ ;

weakly pounding her Chest.

(There it is)

“I Love you, Judy.” (Swallows. A few quick breaths.) Removing other’s (once)Pleasuring hand - - Easing it out Completely. Then:

Holding her.

“ _Love you_.”

_Freely_

 _So_ _Much_ …

Curled hand still - **beating** \- at her chest.

“Never -” the word - _splinters_. Judy. clearing throat softly; “let me win…”

Frowns. “Never was about winning. Just knew you - Needed me.” Cradles. Side of her head. Stubble and strands. “Think you need to talk. _We_ need to talk. Think that’s what this is Really about.”

Silence.

“Jude?”

“I-just.” Tech - sniffs quiet. Glancing up - then away. “Don’t want you feelin’ Unsatisfied.”

Mm.

Hugs her _closer_. “….Is this. About what Panam said?”

“No— _Fuck_ her.” …Gives other woman a (Patient)Look. “… _shit_ , V - maybe? Not like I have much experience with all this. Don’t know what the Fuck to feel. Why I even.” Judy’s eyes— _screw_ shut. “Agreed to this shit…”

Swallows. _Knives_ sight brings.

Because she’s: _Hurting her_ **again** ;

 **Fuck**.

V’s lips trembling. As she - _Thinks_ and _Thinks_.

Only to be able to give - Truth. “I’m worried too.”

Dark eyes snap to hers with sneering squint. “Oh - _you’re_ worried? Yeah, V?”

“Yes, Jude.” Doesn’t get - upset. “Scared. Terrified I could Lose you _Both_. Too fucking _Greedy_ …” exhales. Shakily. “That. If I don’t do Everything _right_ \- handle everything Perfect - - just _one_ \- _Slip_ ….”

shudders,

( _Trembling_.) Eyebrows Crashing to meet.

“…What is the _Point_. If Everyone’s: _Miserable_ …”

Feels a: Hollow. - - _Vast_ \- -

Emptiness…

Just at the Thought.

(And she would: **_Deserve_ It**.)

Hand cups side of her scarred cheek. Judy backed away enough to: Look at her properly. “Not gonna lose me, V. Told you already: Wanna hold _on_ to you.” Other’s eyes narrow again. But it’s only - Worried. “Just. Scared. She’s done so Much for you. Fuckin’ got you into Arasaka; Lead on findin’ you a real Cure. I -” bottom lip - quivers - before Judy bites it back. “What if you. Like - _her_ \- More, than--”

“ _Tell Me_.” Leaves: touch. To take—Both sides of Judy’s face in her hands. “If there’s ever a Day - an hour - a _second_ you feel I don’t Love you the way I Do. That I’ve given you - - _Less_. _Tell me_.” Implores. **Giving** : Every Drop of _Conviction_. “And I Will. Do so Much _More_ , Jude. Keep saying it. Show it however you Need… As often as you Need….”

Brings. Their foreheads together again; Heart whispering:

Lay it All out on me.

Just. Don’t - _Bury it away_ …

Output - shivering against her; V holding on Tighter.

Moments.

Beats of just - - _Them_.

Judy, eventually, shifting away. “I don’t get you. Only Person I know who can have a ‘heart-to-heart’ fingered knuckle-deep, spread like a Thanksgiving turkey.” Pouts petulantly( _adorably_ ). “Gotta work on my Technique. Must be gettin’ Sloppy as shit.”

Huffs - a _laugh_. “And I will take That as a Compliment. Dammit.” Smiles down at her. “Fallen for a siren who’s Terrible at the dreaded Feelings. Found it Best to ambush her during times like this. When she thinks I'm wrapped under her spell.” Tech clicks her tongue. V’s smile growing - before it flickers and fades.

Thumbs gently caressing slope of output’s cheek. “You said you no longer Doubted.” Feels - her brows buckle. “Was that not true?”

“…no.” Tilts - head at her. Judy hiding her face. “Just. Wanna know. If there’s Anything you think I should do More of. Or - if I’m not. Givin’ enough of somethin’ -”

“You Give me - _Everything_. I’m so _Satisfied_ …” kisses. Crown of her head. “Want you to know just because I wanna see you Both Happy - doesn’t Mean I’ll Love you _Less_. If anything—- it’s Growin’.” Looses. Trembling breath. “So _Good_ _to me_ , Jude…”

(Heart: **_Beats_** it.)

Other woman. Burying Face in her neck. Hard rim of glasses digging. “…Want You _so much_ …”

V nods. ( **Knowing** that too.) “I love you. I Love you. _Love You_ …”

Keeps whispering it. Three or Two words. Til the Body in her arms - - _relaxes_.

Curls and—presses Tight.

* * *

It’s a Solemn Affair.

Grim and. Pensive.

(quiet.)

Entirety of Aldecaldos traveling Good Distance Away —Just to be --

 _ Safe_.

Not wanting to Risk any unwanted Attention; not wanting to give any Lurking presences Opening or Easy Target. To Camp they secured and settled — for now. V:

Eyeing tight cluster of (Endlessly) rigged bikes and cars. Parked together - _Familiar_ \- - emanating:

Something Close to - vehicular **Solidarity**. As Strong, as - - **Present**. As in ones who Owned them.

Members of the Family - - dispersed along foot of Jagged rock face; Proudly - **_Vividly_** \- bearing Flame-wrapped ‘A’. Smaller boulders (- - _Too Many_ \- -) placed before it like: Afterlife offerings….

Austere gravestones. Somehow - _Simultaneously_ \- Intrinsic, yet: Abnormal.

Symbolic. Representational.

Couldn’t expend the resources — Effort _needed_ to preserve multiple bodies during Hours-long journey across Arizona’s border. In temperatures doing their Best to imitate: Day in _Hell_.

Buried the dead back in California. While the ones Too Injured to travel (- ones like: _Mitch_ ) healed up. Quick, but respectful. More out of - - _Necessity_ ; than: Actual Processing of Grief.

Saul’s body—hidden away. Buried _first_. Given its -

state.

(Still remembers: _Carrying_ that headless form. Despite her own Injuries. Former Leader’s - **Blood** _drenching_ her arm - as they - - walked through shell of Arasaka littered with Alt’s corpses….)

Was the one who suggested( _Pleaded_ ); they Hold a proper ceremony. Give: Proper send-off. While they rested here.

So - Desperately(— **Selfishly** —)Needing to: Contribute. Offer - - _Something_ ;

Some kind of **Token** —- some kind of _Tribute_.

To Ones who - Gave so _Much_ ….

 ** Everything**.

Helped set boulder markers. Easy with her chrome(even when she - Used its lowest setting. Wanting to **Feel** the—- **Weight** ). Each one. Spray painted with unique Aldecaldos’ insignia. Nothing laid at them - Nothing: _Wasted_. Only - footsteps and unstable shadows - -

Slow Procession. In fitful Firelight.

Raging Bonfire in Center sole - Illumination. Within Relentless blanket of Night. Coating them All in its fierce orange glow. None of them - untouched; Fire like a Beacon. Like a:

Funeral Pyre.

Watches Panam(—it’s _easy_ ), singling her out among shifting throng. _Flitting_ about. Always on the _Move_ ( - in her Own melancholic _dance_ -); never - Still. For more than five-minute intervals.

Checking on Everyone else; consoling Everyone else.

Brief - - Fleeting seconds when their gazes— **Lock**. (Whole _Conversations_ in _glances_ …)Panam tossing her a **Look** ;

V - Nodding back she’s okay. Then: **Returning** it. Receiving her own (concise) nod. But they Both Know she has to Keep—- _Going_.

Worry for More than: One.

Shifts along blanket beneath; sole defense against Cold desert ground. _Squeezing_ hand of woman beside her. Present like an Anchor. Judy - huddled Close. Knees to Chest. V’s ‘Caldos jacket draped over her shoulders; ever-enveloping _Hug_ ….

Output’s expression Turbulent and Unreadable - green-purple hair taking on searing-hue. Dark eyes seeming to take in _Everything_ and — - Nothing at all.

Slipping: In and _Out_ of her World.

Assured her she didn’t have to attend. — **Subject** herself if it:

Brought back too Many Bad Memories…

But Judy didn’t Budge. Didn’t - _Hesitate_.

Not if she was going to be there.

( _Loves_ her….)

V. Staring into Flames. Orange and Red and Yellows. (Feeling their - **_Heat_** \-- even where they sit.) Contending with — _Churn_ ;

 **Dark** , **_roiling_** **thoughts**.

All coming Down to: single Wonder. Wonder if she’ll -

Finally

 _Finally_ ;

Be: Next.

Grim Procession and Solitary boulder.

(Because)What did they die for? Six months?

(More or. _Less_.)

What did they Die for? For her to not _Live_ anyway?

Optics flick back. To: ( ** _Blaming_** )row of boulders;

What. Did. They. **Die** for?

(Doesn’t want —- Anyone _Else_ )

**Dying** for: Nothing.

Then:

Isn’t it a simple equation?

To: **Stop** the deaths - **Stop** : the senseless _Murders_

Doesn't she

just

need to

 ** _Di_** -

“ _Hey_.” - Sharp. _Clutch_ of her hand. Almost—Too( **Painful** ) _Tight_. “Don’t like the Emotions rollin’ across that face, V.”

V (blinks)— -

Facing: Judy’s ( ** _Furious_** ) Gaze. Brows wrenched and **Severe**.

…smiles. Because(of course). Because her output Always reads her like a shard. V lifting her other hand to — cover their joined ones. “Thank you. For coming, Jude. You - Being here—it.”

Means - — _Everything_

(More than she could accurately Convey.)

Glances down to shadowy blanket. Before - looking up again. “…Wish I could have been with you for Evelyn.”

Dark eyes squint, then - flit away. A few - - (tragic) beats. Until: Judy fills the silence. “Were. In a sense. Not in person, but. Still felt you were - Present. When you replied to my texts. Sure Ev appreciated it too.”

…smiles again because that’s—

Kind.

 _Far Kinder_ than she Deserves from Either woman.

“Never thought I’d actually see people - Buried in the ground.” Tech turns back to Scene. Tracking: People and Interactions. "More than some nondescript slot. Panel next to countless others.”

V Nods. Remembering how - - foreign it had been for her back in California. Nomads not following City - or Anyone _Else’s_ \- Rules. “I hope.”

(Is it - Selfish?)

Tastes like: **_Selfishness_**

Hot and- _Despicable_ on her tongue;

…swallows. Lightly clearing her throat. “Hope, we. Mm.” A - Pained smile. But she— **Bears** it.

…exhales. “Get to Know each other outside Death.”

Someday

Words seeming to _ripple_ like Harsh breeze. As Judy: _shudders_.

Like she Bore the whole **Weight** of It too.

V. Nodding again. Squeezing their hands; patting them gently. Before—Reaching over to old, dusty case. Collecting: Fiddle and bow she borrowed from Cassidy.

(Making Sure Judy’s _Okay_ \- then)Standing to feet. Catching man’s gaze as she paces closer to Bonfire;

Nodding.

Getting: low tip of hat back.

Cassidy - shoving fingers in mouth and Sounding Clear, resounding _whistle_. Everyone Immediately looking to him until he hikes a thumb in her Direction.

(Exhales)From - Shift. **Fall**. Of everyone’s Gazes. Feeling - a Writhing; a — _Clenching_ — _Audacity_ … for taking even a - second - of time away from where it **Belongs**. Panam hiking brow at her -

But.

This is Important.

Necessary.

…takes: Another breath. Rolling shoulders. Hanging bow along crooked pointer finger;

Clutching fiddle same way she would guitar.

 _Plucks_ \- first few notes out with thumb first. Strumming: Middling composition; that Fades… then - Re-emerges. Closes her eyes as she _Thinks_ around it… Fingers straddling; lifting up - then back down, around chords(no longer has - Old Callouses - but it — _Feels_ _Right_ )…. How to put: Whole of Herself. What she’s _Feeling_. Body _housing_. Into Each soul-plucked twang. Until it -

Grows;

 _Evolves_ :

Simple, circular melody. String of notes - Rising - then… falling back on themselves. Only to start - Anew.

Like:

 _Passage_ of _Time_. Hard _Transition_. Like:

 _Nostalgia_ and _Memory_

Nodding to it. Head - tilting back and forth as it does. Then:

Letting it - _disintegrate_ ;

…peter out. Last echoes on the night wind - - before: Sweeping fiddle and bow into standard position with one smooth motion. Butt of instrument Pressed into her neck, chin - _tucked_ \- into chinrest. First set of bow against strings -

_Cathartic_

Drives it in Quivering ascent. Fingers at fiddle’s neck - _Vibrating_ \- as she draws bow back down low. Forearm swaying ( _Shivering_ : with—Controlled motions) —- Expanding. Contracting.

In. Out. Digits— _gliding_ —across fingerboard…

Strains of:

 _Grief_ ; and

 ** _Guilt_** ; —- and

Endless: _Longing_ for _Better_ …

 **Different**. Result.

Feels: (Rolling) _Tears_ once transitioning to - _Aching_ _High_ \- - that rings: So. _Close_. To - Dry _Regret_ ; Stinging _Bitter_ …

Drawing bow in Fluid rhythm(Body - _flowing_ with it); _clenching_ eyelids Shut as she plays - - Every _Knot_ and _Gnarl_ in Gut. Vocalizing without consciously knowing it. Low, _quavering_ _lilt_ … Leaving like:

 _Keening_ Moan;

 _Warbling_ Wail…

Humming and - Crooning her - -

_Sorry_

…Quiet. After she finishes. Final, _Heart-wrenching_ chord - - dissipating into: Nothingness.

Music turned back to Night.

V - - _Exhaling_ _Tearfully_ (shoulders - - _Shaking_ \- - with it). Upon: Opening her eyes -

Coming Back to the world. Blinking away pooling wetness.

(Keeping Herself **_Together_**.)

Views: Silence isn’t uncomfortable. _Harsh_ Impression of her piece. (So _Many_ )Deeps nods of Grateful; Touched, lingering glances her way.

“… _V_.”

Looks to see Judy small distance away. _Hugging_ _herself_ ; eyes damp and Every - Line tugging her Features saying she: **_Felt_** _Every Inch_.

(Of course.)

Smiles(- but it feels: _Broken_ -) to her. Finding: Panam’s face next. Seeing - _Stir_. Well of **Profound** Emotion even from far away. Aldecaldos Leader mouthing: ‘ _Thank you_.’

 _Don’t_ -

Can’t meet her Eyes.

 _Don’t Thank me_.

 _Not when we’re_ **Here** _because o_ f -

“… _Shit_.”

Optics _Instantly_ dart to Judy’s voice. V’s filled hands dropping—Expression suddenly **Alert**.

Body— _Tense_. Searching for Source of—- **_Danger_**. “What?”

But Judy just - points. To her Face. Looking like her - - _Heart’s_ _breaking_ ….

 _\- What_?

“ _Fucking hell_ , V…” _Sprinting_ steps towards her. Panam: digging out rough cut of fabric from back of jeans moment she’s in front of her.

Snatching away fiddle and bow and—- ** _Pressing_** it to her hand;

“… _fuck_.” (More of that - _Heart-breaking_ )Thwarted curse under breath. “You’re bleeding.”

V - blinks.

Watches: Aldecaldos Leader whip away. “ _Clyde_!”

While. she’s.

Still.

(Putting Together the _pieces_ ….)

Swipes Under her nose, behind dangling nose ring, with: Back of non-cloth holding hand by _Instinct_. Streak of Crimson staining brown synth-skin.

Frowns.

(Fuck.)

Turns away from Both women to - - properly clean up. Blood and tears. Piece of ( **Marred** )cloth hidden away in pocket before she turns back.

( **Keeps** her hand inside it when she)Can’t Stop \- - extremity from Quaking. _Terrifying_ _moments_ where her fingers were - _Unresponsive_ ;

Curls Hand to: _Fist_.

(Pissed how she can’t _Feel_ \- her— **His** —body _Rejecting_ her.) Not like the Relic malfunctions that hit her like a Sledgehammer; left her — - _Gasping_. Just a -

Slow;

Insidious

Breaking apart. She can’t: _Track_ or _Predict_ -

(Briefly Closes eyes);

Calm. Down.

Stepping to output whose - fingers are fiddlin’. Teeth worrying trembling bottom lip. Shine to Dark eyes like they’re - - seconds away from _Tears_ …

( **Fuck** \-- she’s Never _Seen_ this Before)

Glances to Panam who’s _Coiled_ like a _spring_ \-- looking Ready to _Bellow_ Ripperdoc’s name again. Commotion - _Brewing_ \- around them.

 **Shit**.

 _Don’t make this about me_ -

\- _This isn’t About_ Me -

Nothing for - Days. And (His) **Body** can’t keep its **_Shit_** Together Long enough on one that Actually: _Matters_.

V’s - jaw Clenching;

relaxing. “None of that.”

Pulls: Judy into her arms. Wrapping her Tight. Hand(she can Still _Control_ ) smoothing down green strands all the way to purple.

Peering over output’s shoulder.

“Pan.” Shakes her head.

Woman - - Freezing - - for several heartbeats; gazing back to her (Scared) _Helpless_ — before: Redirecting it to **Anger**. Harsh _Kick_ of buildup of sand. _Cursing bitterly_.

Her - Imminent **Death** a _parasite_ in back of All of their minds. Shoving its way to the fore. Making it Undeniably _Clear_ :

They’re All just Playing for Time.

V. Drawing (shivering)form against her even Closer.

Wrenching: Mask on that much— _Tighter_.

Smiling - cheerful - to anxious Aldecaldos staring their way.

( _Go back to_ What you were **Doing**.

 **Focus** _on the people who already_ —Died.)

Hasn’t she **Stolen** _enough_ from _Them_?

 _God_ \- let them have: One. _Moment_.

“I’m okay.” Glances between women(Drowning) near her. Meeting: both pairs of (Inconsolable)brown eyes. “Everything’s okay.”

But Judy’s shaking her head against her chest. Near - _frantic_. “Can’t just - shake it off.” - _hiccups_ a _breath_. “You’re _Dyin_ ’, V!”

(And that - )

 _Inhales_ ;

(… _Hurts_ …)

But she can’t **Give** **_into_** it(Can’t - _Drown_ ). Isn’t the Time—

Isn’t the _Time_.

Curls. Corner of her lips. “Aren’t we all dying? Nearing, ever closer, to that yawning Abyss -”

“V - if you don’t Immediately _Shut the_ _Fuck_ _up_ , I will personally not be held Responsible for my Actions.” Panam - Glaring daggers at her.

V: shutting her mouth as Requested. Smiling. Because—even if the other woman is

\- _Shaking_ -

 **Can’t** : Show it;

 **Can’t** \- Frown.

Has to Be the **Brave Face**.

If she Falls, they’ll -

 _God_ ,

They’ll _Tumble down_ with her.

Lose hope.

(Even if. she’s - - so. _Tired_ …)

“Just a blip. I’m o-kay.” Assures again. “Please.” _Please_ , “Let’s Just. Continue the ceremony.”

Panam’s shaking her head fiercely, exhaling Rough; but - Doesn’t Argue.

V - looking down to Judy. Softly; tenderly; bringing her face up so their eyes Connect. Thumb (methodically) wiping wetness before it becomes Dark, marring trails.

“…okay?” Doesn’t stop. Until Output ( - - eventually - -) nods back.

 _Thank you_.

Looks to Panam. Freeing Hand she can - Finally _Feel_ again from pocket. Grazing back of it down other’s own; offering her a - Smile. Leather-bound shoulders…slackening. Her - own **Defeat**. Brows—drawn _Tight_ ; Aldecaldos Leader Looking away.

(Damage Control.)

V - spotting Mitch amongst (growing)crowd Closest to them. Waving him over with sharp Jerk of head.

‘Caldo looking just as - ill at Ease - as (Too Many) other members of the Family. Ganic and chrome hands Wringing anxiously.

(Doesn’t: Call Attention to it.) “Hey - everything set?”

…Mitch nods. Unsure. “Y-yeah, V. You, uh. You Feelin’ all right?”

“Minor Nosebleed - Nothin’ major.” Judy _sniffs_. V - cradling her back.

Indicating Basilisk with a nod. “What do you say we get this show back on track?”

Bit of the Old Mitch she knows returning at the words; in the slight hook of his mouth. “Saul woulda never forgiven us for wasting resources. But he’s not here to complain over his own send-off, is he?” Digs around for something in one of his (Many) Jumpsuit pockets -- revealing: simple remote. “Here’s to you, Old Man. And to the Rest of the Family.”

Presses: (Appropriately Shiny)Red Button. Fiery streams shooting from panzer’s missle launchers in impressive Spirals toward Night sky.

Handcrafted fireworks - _Bursting_ \- in Brilliant Blooms. Cracking - _Thunderous_ \- - before spewing out in radial patterns.

Aldecaldos Children - darting like _blinking_ _stars_ \- waving around passed out handmade sparklers in air. Chasing and _squealing_ after one other.

And it’s

 _Beautiful_.

Exactly what she wanted to - _See_.

 **Heart** of **Nomads**. Continuing to Do what it does - **Best**.

 _Survive_ …

Rests her chin - _soft_ \- on top Judy’s head. Beckoning and - _tugging_ \- red sleeve of Panam’s jacket until: other woman is Sufficiently _Near_.

Smiling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WELL THAT WAS VERY LONG.
> 
> …Have I been THIRSTY to put Glasses Judy™ to print ever since reading shopping list on her computer in-game? Perchance. (Anyone get Aeneid reference? ;))  
> To summarize: *adjusts Judy’s glasses* This one feels like a Reflection; like we’re on the other side of the Looking Glass. Chapter 1 - Reversed. But, Now - there’s also V. So maybe it’s the True start(?) Hm~ Oh - and if you’re interested(cuz I LOVE Music) V’s violin bit was based off Andrew Bird’s ‘Weather Systems’ - more specifically starting at 3:45. (Highly rec Live vid, tho~)


	6. Smooth Criminal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Waves hands in the air* Pan chap, Pan chap~ (She’s Waited so freakin’ PATIENTLY - AAAAH)
> 
> Well - As chant may reflect: Pan ‘chaps’. Plural. Because Panam *ALWAYS* comes with PLOT. XD But more on that later~
> 
> For now: Pan Fans(you've Also waited Patiently <3) — Let’s GO

* * *

“All right.” V settles holstered hip against rounded plastic edge; Long ivory table stretched out before her littered with assorted beer bottles, Well-marked map and pairs of resting arms draped in awning shadow. “Hit me.”

Panam nods. Confidently hunched over Prominent paper chart; Line to shoulders Authoritative as Gloved hands obscure interstates and cities. Brown gaze Flicking to hers with: Unmistakable Satisfaction. “We have our Path Forward.”

“Tech we klepped from Arasaka ‘nough to build that aircraft carrier?” Mitch reminds with veritable glee, lit cigarette tucked - neat - between ganic fingers and chrome arm slung over back of reversed metal chair. “Means we’ve got Options. Whole heap of ‘em. Damn near Beautiful prospect after flying by the seats of our pants so long.” Takes a (notably _Pleased_ ) drag; pushing grey from nostrils. “Now: We’ve got buyers lined up, rarin' and ready to Go -- but we won’t be selling All of it. Some we’ll Keep for ourselves—like those specialized shells we can retrofit for the panzer.”

“And the runner gear I helped Dakota install; new medical equipment I eyed in the Clinic.” V muses; Mitch gesturing cig to her in Affirmation. “Smart to keep a good mix of those weapons and cyberware—body armor. Never know when they’ll come in handy. Computer components, as well.” Smiles. Appreciative. “Judy Loves her new hardware, by the way.”

“And I’ve Zero doubt she’ll put it to Use. We don’t waste Talent in the clan — girl’s got tech expertise out the wazoo.” Panam rolls her eyes at her(—because she’s Definitely _Grinning_ , _Smitten_ , like a _Fool_.)

Never gets - - _Old_ \- -

Hearing her Output’s sung _praises_.

Mitch swallowing down cackle at the exchange. “Right - so, we’ll make Full and Proper use of what’s advantageous to Us. While the rest will be handed over to the Aldecaldos we plan ta meet in Tucson.”

Cassidy Grins — Broad — beneath (Impeccable)sweep of silver-grey mustache. Reclining further in seat with distinctive Wink. “Sorta like bringing pie to your Mama’s for the holidays. Only with big fuckin’ guns!”

“Simmer down, you ol’ Coot - you’ll give yourself heatstroke.” Carol snarks flatly; side-eying him through crimson lenses. “And I am not going to be the one dragging your Paleolithic ass to the infirmary.”

“… _I_ would Drag your Paleolithic ass to the infirmary, Cass.” V offers Brightly, raising a Hand.

An obliged dip of turned-up brim her way. “Why, thank you, Gumdrop.”

“Don’t go spoiling him, child. He’ll get Deadass Drunk every night at this rate.”

V chuckles, letting her arm fall back to thigh.

“Anty-hoo -- before I was so Unduly interrupted.” The mustachioed ‘Caldo clears his Throat in Carol’s direction. “That show of Magnanimity will be our Lil’ thank you for their help getting our people across the border hassle-free - ‘fore we joined up with them. Smuggling tunnel was their tip.”

“Suffice it to say—between the Two of us—the Aldecaldos will be a goddamn _Army_.” Panam asserts; each vet at the table giving concurring nods. “Meaning: we will take the Fight to whoever has us trained in their crosshairs. And knowing MegaCorps’ usual, _Delightful_ compassion and altogether willingness to get along—it most certainly Will be.”

“Strength in numbers. The Nomad way.” Beers are hoisted in her direction. V trying to - smile through it(—-Shrug off the - - _Necessary_. The:

Because of **_Her_** ).

Messily (- uneasily -) shifting loose coils of her undone hair aside. “Beyond that: sharing a haul’s plain Polite. Respectful.” Nods. “I Like it. A lot. Shouldn’t just barge in Assuming they’ll help ‘cause we belong to the same Nation.”

“That.” Carol lowers her tablet, leveling her with stare. “And they Likely have Problems of their Own.”

Panam points to her. “Exactly. Still: A Clan’s Always expected to help the Others out if they are Able. We will make Sure that extends _Both_ ways.” Features steel with Determination — V: _Warm_ at Sight of it. Chest—Filled and _Fond_ —at Woman’s undying **Devotion** to **Own**. “Our sisters, brothers and fellow clanspeople will Know we have their Backs.”

“Smuggling’s name of the Game ‘round these parts.” Cassidy supplies, most likely for her Benefit. “Anything you could think of - North, West and East - ‘cross the Mexico border. Trouble sprouts in the Competition; all those different factions tryin’ to out-smuggle each other.Get the Most traction, eddies in their pockets.” Sets beer to table with proud thud. “Just so happens we’re the Best Damn smugglers this side of the N-U-S-A. Be in our element like you can’t _Imagine_ ; Plenty helpful to the home team.”

“From where we are now,” Panam - shifts back from map; setting a finger on their current position. Then - - steadily - - dragging it along their intended course; “it should take a little over Six hours to reach Tucson using the backroads. Our people will split, halfway through the journey; one side enjoying a more scenic route, to confuse any potential tails we may encounter. We will keep in radio contact and - upon confirming both sides free and clear - meet up — Here.” Her finger stills. Tapping. “Sierra Bluff. An old ghost town we’ve utilized on many an occasion. We’ll set up, rest, then Greet the other Aldecaldos come sunup.”

“Ghost town Eliminates possibility of their camping grounds being compromised while allowing us Both to meet on Neutral ground.” The Aldecaldos Leader nods. V smiling— _Impressed_ as _Always_ —with other’s masterful Head for Logistics. Before: analyzing map. Committing routes to memory. “Have we reached out? Given our Heads-up we’re coming?”

“No calls.” Carol steps in to answer. “Not after Dakota was tapped utilizing her contacts and we nearly had those city pigs swoop down on us.” (Thinks: swooping is bad)Older woman lightly waving tablet to and fro. “We’ve sent our notice. Encrypted emails layered in ICE. Takes a while to get through, but they have the people and gear for it. Not to mention it’ll be Appreciated knowing it Protects Them as much as it does Us.”

V - sighs. Corner of lips tugging upward. “Should’ve known you’d have this Wrapped nice and tight.”

“Not our first rodeo, girlie. Know you were the cat’s pajamas earnin’ a reputation for your Solo career in the Big City -- plenty used to watching your own back. But now you’ll get to become Nice and Reacquainted with what it’s like having others make sure all the Bases are Covered. Way the Good Lord intended.” Cassidy whips out a lighter; tamping pack before - sparking his own cigarette. Smoky wisps threading around words. “You just Leave everything to good ol’ Uncle Cass - - _Relax_. Put yer boots up.”

Mitch billows smoke off to the side. “‘Fore we go ‘round singing Kumbayah - - let’s not Forget: Other clan’ll also be expecting to deal with Saul.”

The Air around the table Sobers. V _watching_ \- Each Occupant contend with their own Thoughts(- - _Memories_ ) regarding **That** name.

Swallows and,

Deals with her Own.

Mitch resuming after particularly Long drag. Pushing it out with Force. “‘Caldos round here tend to stand on ceremony. Weight of the Elders. More than a few from the old Reservations, so I suppose you could say it comes Natural.” Dark brows slant. “Now that Panam’s Chief, leader of their family might try to put her through her paces. Size her up.”

“She can most certainly _Try_.” Breathed like a -- Warning. (Like there’s: _History_ there…) Woman in question pushing from ivory surface to Curl Hand, Firmly, against hip.

Mitch’s mouth - quirking. (And she just **Knows** all sorts of - - _Fuckery’s_ about to leave those lips.) Man shifting weight in chair to Fully Set Eyes on her. “Suspect that’ll apply to you too, V. Seeing how you’re so - - _Chummy_. With said Chief.”

V pinches the bridge of her nose. _Tight_. Aware he’s Just getting _Started_. “Mitch - Mitchell, please.”

“Heard you two gave - quite the - _ahem_. ‘Performance’. Back in the Clinic the other day. I’ll have you know, I was in my tent crying hot, bitter tears at the _Thought_ of Missing it.”

Another Ripple - rampant - in Air. This one Decidedly more --

 _Teasing_.

Cassidy Beaming like a _Madman_ , (poorly)hiding Expression beneath buckled hat, shoulders Positively a’quiver while grabbing hold of his beer. Carol simply eyeing them and - smirking; then looking down to brought tablet like she **_Isn’t_** a Part of this.

V - loosing Long-suffering _Sigh_. Shutting eyes and Muttering Prayer for _Strength_.

“ _If_ the Three of you are Finished?” Panam’s (gritted)Tone. V catching Mitch in middle of raising Both hands in Surrender(but Notably Retaining **Shit-Eating** _Grin_ ) upon opening eyes again. “Great. Excellent—we All know the plan of action regarding the Tucson Aldecaldos. Can we now skip to the part where we get to V knowing _why_ she’s Actually Here?”

Clouds of shivering grey ( _Fuck._ _er._) leave Mitch’s nose and lips. Before he nods - Directingattention her way once more. “Busted generators Scorp and I were ordered to get operational again when we first met? Still givin’ us Grief. Batteries not taking like they should, not giving enoughjuice where it’s needed - Hell: they’re All but holding together with duct tape and bubblegum at this point. High time we found Replacements before tearing down the open road.”

“And I reckon I have a Lead on that. With a nice Juicy bit _Extra_.” Cassidy quaffs more of the (dwindling) liquid sloshing around tipped green bottle. Wiping mouth with scar-riddled forearm. “Now I’m sure you remember the Shiv hidey hole we sniffed out during recon few dozen clicks east of here?” V nods. Brows slightly pinching. And the wisened ‘Caldo must— _Notice_. Because he’s shaking his head. “Not a problem for us at the time--Still isn’t. But it was damn Prudent of you giving us an In to their communications once we sniffed them out.”

“Somethin’ brewing?”

“In a manner of speaking: Got a mighty good Haul ‘bout to come home to roost. Sweet enough they have No Intention getting it to the organization that hired ‘em.” Cassidy whirls his beer in a Censuring motion. “‘Course, Everyone and their Mama knows that’s just bad for Business - not to mention Damn near suicidal regarding one’s Reputation - - but, then again: We All also know Raffens don’t give two licks about any of that.” Carol scoffs; fingers still actively working against screen. “Buyer must’ve been some kind of Desperate. Or plum Stupid. Thing is: We’ve got the Chance to Intercept it; Nab those ill-gotten goods and leave ‘em none the Wiser.”

“Must be Good if we’re considering the trouble. And with how Hard you’re _selling_ it.” V smirks. Folding arms. “What are we Looking at here?”

“Solar panels, refurb generators, batteries, dehumidifiers—” V _whistles_ , “You name it, they Have it. Everything a group like that would need to take Root and make their Presence _felt_.” Panam’s brow creases; brown eyes slitting with pure Loathing. “I want it in Our Hands, V. No giving Raffens an opportunity to build a Stronghold only to ride roughshod after.”

“Now: the rub.” Mitch roughly flicks away ashes. “Sole piece of the puzzle we’re missin’: _Where_ the Haul’s being Tucked away before the big, happy Shiv Reunion. Don’t know if they grew half a brain stem and decided to keep it from their written correspondence, but all we’ve got are references to ‘That Place’ everyone apparently already knows.” Chrome hand lifts; pointer finger extending. “Meanin’ - we need One Brave Soul to sneak into their rathole, swipe the coordinates direct - and do it all without putting them on High Alert.” A wry Grin. “Stop me if this sounds Familiar…”

“Robbing the Shiv and giving to the - Us. All without a Trace.” V Grins back. Already feeling that _Stirring_ Familiar. _Intrigue_ at prospect. “Nova.”

“So?” Panam eyes her, expectant.

Cocks a pierced brow back. “You have to ask?”

“No.” And there’s a (sweet) to curve of lips; a Warm and - - _Lingering_ to Brown gaze. Mitch tossing her ( **Shit-Eating** ) _Look_. “Right. Well - no Time to waste—- Let’s go.”

V Does a Double take.

_Whut_

“Hey, Panam.” Imposing Brow hiked Mitch’s way. “You are our Leader and all - and this is grunt work.”

“—- _Rude_.” V sniffs.

“Maybe you should — I don’t know — hang back. Let V handle it on her-”

“I will Not let V do this Alone.”

The man shrugs his shoulders. Tossing cigarette wielding hand in air. “Well, shit. Can’t say I didn’t try.”

V _smirks_. “That was Cute, Mitch.”

Grunts at her words. Breaking smile crooking her way. “Yeah, yeah — you just make sure our Fearless Leader here comes back in one piece. i.e. - No Bleeding this time.”

“That was Once. And because a certain _Someone_ thought it a Grand idea to Hurl herself Directly into the Enemy’s Line of fire.”

Panam Scoffs. “You ass.”

Indicates: Jagged scar at her hip. “But where is the _Lieee_?”

Other woman (Neatly)Ignoring her. “We will Both come back fine. I promise.”

Feels: expression turn Grave. Meeting eye of Each vet in solemn sequence. “I Won’t let Anything happen to Her.”

Cassidy takes a draw from his cigarette - puffing it out - Satisfied. “I say - - let the rascals have their fun. Not like Any of us are Strangers to their teamwork. ‘sides — we’ve _all_ Seen V in action; ‘nuff to warrant Sunshine having her on speed dial.” Panam Tosses him a Dirty look; older ‘Caldo merely huffing Amused chortle. “While the two of you are off, whetting your metaphorical appetites, Carol and I will meet with those buyers Mitchell, here, mentioned.”

Eyes the two vets. Feeling an - Immediate _wrinkle_ take her brow — Wanting to go _With_ them. In case something Goes Down. Even when she -

 _Can’t_ be Everywhere at _Once_.

…V. Eventually Nodding.

Cassidy belting out guffaw. “ _Aww_. Now, I do believe Gumdrop’s just worried _Sick_ on our behalf.”

Carol’s lips quirk. “Mm. Serves her right. For all the times the shoe’s been on the other foot.”

“No: I know you’re Both plenty capable. And doing this Long before you ever knew me.”

Personally witnessed their: _Expertise_.

V - smiling. “Just. Be safe out there.”

“I’ll be putting the final touches on the Basilisk and performing routine checks of all the rigs for the Big Move.” Mitch offers. Expelling smoke Smugly. “If you - wanna direct some of that _Touching_ _Concern_ my way.”

…Squints at him. “Sure you’ll have anything Left to do, Mitch? Judy’s likely finished and checked everything _Twice_ \- bored out her mind - waiting for your sorry ass.”

“Hey - I’m useful! …Even if she - Does do most of the maintenance these days. An’ fix everything quicker and neater than I ever could. But that’s because I’m there to guide her along - I’m a _Guider_ , dammit!”

“Mhm.” V parts from table; waging her own **Shit-Eating** Grin. “Maybe start lookin’ into alternative positions - - ‘Caldos could always use a good mascot.”

Cassidy breaks into a fit of laughter, Carol _huffing_ a snort - rising from their respective chairs; Mitch eyeing them like he was Betrayed as he ( _sulkily_ ) follows suit.

Panam - Smirking. “And after that Satisfyingly-executed Burn - - road’s waitin’, V.”

Nods to her, miming ‘ _one sec_ ’ with finger - - catching Carol’s eye before she fully turns away. “Hey. Could you - keep an eye on Judy for me?”

Carol grins thinly, but it’s Sympathetic more than anything else. “I’ve plenty of projects lined up to keep that one busy once through babysitting Mitch. She’ll be with me for the rest of the day - - which, I have little doubt, will be Heavily interspersed with talking Shit about you.” V - nods gamely. Unsurprised(- if not outright amused). That Fact - All but _Given_. Older woman eyeing her kindly, regardless. “No need to fret, child -- she’ll be in Good Hands. You just make sure to Keep Your eye on our Leader. Preferably above back.”

V snorts. Before searching red-tinted gaze. “Are you worried?”

“Would I stay Quiet to the idea if I had any Doubts?”

“No.” Smiles. Because it: Means so _Much_. “Thanks Carol.”

“Mhm. Word to the wise: Return with All limbs intact. You won’t see me holding Judy back if you come back a Mess.”

(Shudders a bit - before)Saluting. Legacy hacker - with own Brand of - _affection_ \- shaking head. Before resuming trek to join Cassidy. Latter whipping hands from both hips and finger-gunning her with ' _Pew Pews_ ' and ‘nother _Wink_.

Chuckles - jogging up to Panam -

(Not that she Needs to.)

Other (Always) — _Waiting_.

“Everything squared away?”

“Mm!” V hums Happily; gathering (marginally)damp strands of earlier washed hair, left to Dry in Blazing desert sun, from back and chest. “All Yours.”

( **Knows** : _Exactly_ what she’s said)Panam - Studying her. Following motions. Kinky red-blue waves bundled between active fingers.

(Something—- **_Building_** in Brown eyes…)

Before it’s tucked away. Aldecaldos Leader swinging to turn;

Continue purposed gait. “Look - the others - - if it made you Uncomfortable.” A drawn-out Sigh. “You know how Family can be. It simply appears more of them are getting _infuriatingly_ Bold in showing it.” Glares to Sand--as if _It_ were culprit. “You’re the Attractive fresh blood thrown into the mix they can fantasize romantic Nonsense about. It Doesn't happen often, with everyone being kin or already married, so they are Determined to make it a _Thing_.”

V peels twin hair ties from wrist. Keeping pace at woman’s side. “I got I’m ‘Attractive’ out of that.” Secures: elastics around styled bun with practiced twines. Glancing other’s way with - barest hint of _smirk_. “Freudian slip?”

Aldecaldos Leader offering Unimpressed stare. “Is your Ego so Desperately in need of being Stroked?”

“ _That_ Much? Woow.” Brown eyes narrow. “Also— _Brilliant_. Got a little turned on!” V -- _chuckling_ \-- when those eyes Slit even _more_. All but Positive she’s Effectively taken place of ‘Sand’ concerning woman’s ire.

\- shrugs if off. “Nothing new at this point. Know they don’t mean any Harm in it.” Winds: second hair tie around neat bun. “That: And I can’t say I mind. Not if it’s True.” Other - blinking - from her probing glance. “More Concerned if it makes You uncomfortable.”

“It.” Panam’s brow furrows. Like she’s Working it _out_. “No.”

V smiles. Genuinely _relieved_. Lowering angled arms Finished with their task and;

Timing: Deliberate in-step. So their shoulders;

backs of their hands(leather and synth-flesh) - - _graze_ ….

“Good.”

Only given - Silence afterward(Not: _Uncomfortable_ ); V more than happy to leave other woman to her thoughts if Ne- —

“How are you Feeling?”

Looks to her Right with mixture of Question and - surprise, before - -

Shaking her head. “Nope.”

“V -”

“I’d Tell you if something was off. Wouldn’t Take a job this Important to the Clan otherwise—Wouldn’t put your Life in danger.” Fixes: own Calm Stare. “Gonna have to Trust that.”

Panam’s brows - _Knit_ \- lips parting with (Clearly) _Ready_ **Debate** … until. Snapping shut; with vexed grunt.

(Eventually; faintly…)Nodding.

“Better question:” Turns it on her, “Why’d you Decide to come with? Way you brought it to the table, thought I’d be solo.”

( **Should** be Solo. It Unquestionably: One-Person job.)

“Did I say you’d go alone?” Scarred brow arches her way. Other’s tone merely laced with (- that _Sneaky_ -) Logic. “That I would not join you?”

(…Concedes the point.) “Still. Hate to admit it—but. _Blech_.” Mimics: gagging. Panam rolling eyes while she - smacks her mouth from—Bad _Taste_. “Mitch was right. You Are Chief, Pan. Can’t just run off like we used to. Glad for the Company, but.” Feels. Mouth dip in frown. “You’re Necessary. Shouldn’t take any needless _risks_.”

“ _Screw_ that.” V - _sighs_. “If I have to go over our Plan with the others even - _one_ more time: I will Lose my damn mind. And then? I will Scream. Perhaps in reverse order.” Twitching lips. “This is Essential and serves as a much-needed Diversion. Two birds; one stone.” Sudden - - second Glare _Flung_ her direction. “In Addition - _Fuck_ off. Don’t you Dare pull that hierarchy rot with me — I’m no more ‘Necessary’ than You.”

Scales back - - _Grimace_. Her turn to —- **Bite** **_back_** _words_ and

(Take It.)Nod.

(But she - Knows: **Result**. Leadership— - _Lost_ and -Absent Guidance…. How a Chief **Dies** or _Abandons_ or isn’t

Fit -

And the whole clan just - -)

\- - _Withers_ ….

Aldecaldos already out One Leader. Could they Survive Losing the _next_?

(Could. _she_ -)

V blinks ahead. Spotting: Familiar car. Making task of - - Mental _Recount_. Its painted Details and faded checkered decals — number of Bolts securing armor-plated door — while her fingers stiffen and— - _Curl_.

“We.” soft.

 _Soft_ enough to - - Notice -

Make V glance other's way.

Panam—Obviously—not returning favor. Actively avoiding her gaze. Profile (Unusually?) guarded. “Also haven’t… Done that.” Fingers tap denim thigh. “Lately. Spent as much Time together, as I’d like—I’ve been. Busy. With… Chief things.” The next words seem a - struggle. Woman trying to Figure Out: what and _How_. “I.” Ripple. Through (Gorgeous)features. “Wanted to rectify that.”

V. Rolls her lips. Containing: _Grin_ \- because -

( **Damn** :)

 _Cuteee_ …

Other - - _Terrible_ _at This_ \- -but. Presenting it all in such Endearing _awkward_ fashion; she can't bring herself to Mind.

“…To be Clear.” Watches: Panam’s Face immediately - pucker with - - _Wary_. “You saw - Raffens - as a way to spend more Quality time together?”

(Wants to - Lighten Mood - make it

\-- _Easy_ ).

Well Aware her Emotionally-Constipated Best Friend would likely have _Just_ as Hard a time expressing this to **Man** \- - let alone another _woman_.

Guides them back toward their Usual Flow; their: _Comfortable_. Expecting Instant Rebuttal of — ‘ _Shut it_ ’ or ‘ _Fuck you very much, V_ ’ -

Pairing of Typical colorful insults.

\- Not:

Modest nod. Followed by simple,

“Yes.”

V. Staring as they walk.

Simultaneous tilt of brows and—breaking—smile.

‘nother - _Warm_. Growing in her _Chest_ …

(Because it’s Stunning; it’s - - Beautiful

—- _Her_.)

 _Heartfelt_ Vulnerability….

 **Stops**. “Pan.” Directs: _warmth_. Woman - faltering - to Halt with her. “Wanna hold your hand.” (Needs to feel— **Connection**.) Letting _Sincerity_ shine through. “Can I?”

Aldecaldos Leader looking - - startled by question. Before:

…Offering it.

(Still)Not meeting her eyes.

“V - my car is less than twenty paces away.”

“Then Walk slower with me.”

(Receives. No - _Further_ opposition)

V: Cradling volunteered Hand. Doting; Unhurried. Thumb sweeping bridge of half-gloved fingers…

Panam - - breathing - - that - _helpless_ little _sigh_ ;

Flutters lashes to it(—thinks it’ll soon be: Addiction). V. Gently; Lazily… swaying Joined limbs.

Other moving to-- _Lace_ their fingers like —- ( _Starved_ )Impulse for _More_.

Coos - _low_ in throat - to it. _Delighted_. Feeling Panam’s **Physical** \- _React_ \- -

Compulsive _Tightening_ of grip;

V - husking a laugh.

( _Cute_ ,)

Lets their hands adapt; morph and - _shift_. To other’s every Intention. “Never held your duties against you, Pan.”

Step,

Step,

Car getting—Ever _Closer_ ,

Doesn’t Give it a second thought.

“But. Of course I’m Grateful. _Happy_.” Smiles with it. “Happy to spend time with you too.”

(And that. May have been a touch -- _Too_ Much)Other woman merely nodding. Sharp, jerky motion. No words Back. But:

Face - as Always - so ( _wonderfully_ )Expressive. Brows - - ducking. Eyes roaming restlessly… Lips slightly pinched like they— _Want_ to say Something— -

But - _What_?

Little surreptitious glances. To their - Hands. To - Her. V pretends not to notice.

“Hmph.” - _Oh_! - “I almost Forgot what you looked like.” Panam tosses a glance close to— _Ribbing_ she Knows. “Dressed for a job.”

“ _Mm_ …” V grins. “Been a while.”

These Days - mostly sporting old tees and breathable sweats with kneepads.

Outfits suited for Comfort or getting Dirty(Climbing, Kneeling); for - - Whatever she gets up - and in - to around camp.

Woman at her side: Taking in black and blue elastomer of her Netrunner suit with sudden. New - -

 **Boldness**.

Lingering on its - _Skin-tight_ —- beneath her open ‘Caldos jacket. Distinct outline of her belly button ring. Gun holstered at either hexagonal-patterned hip paired with lone Knife; individually sheathed throwing knives wrapped mid-thigh.

“Flexible like you wouldn’t _Believe_.” V - Winds free arm. Adding - _Swagger_ \- to stride. “I could - do a little spin?” In midst of performing — Just _That_ (Much as she _can_ while keeping their hands— _Linked_ ) - before - - narrowly - - avoiding kick to _calf_.

 _Laughs_ ;

Catching lobbed keys. After Panam disengages; walking on ahead.

“You’re Driving.”

Runs fingers over Aldecaldos charms decorating simple key ring. Freeing folded temple of Johnny’s aviators from buckled strap of her jacket. “Still get all - _Tingly_. Anytime you let me drive your Baby, Pan.”

Positions: wire-rimmed frame bordering wine-black ombre lenses.

There - Curve of _smirk_ ; before the Aldecados Leader’s tossing open passenger door,

stepping up and — _In_ — with Glided ease.

V: removing - Majestic, encased katana slung over shoulder, then sleek knapsack from back - to deposit in rear bed. Glancing down to yellow, perforated side step—messily scrawled: ‘No Regrets’—with wry smile; before following other inside.

(Intuitively)Goes through her checks; minute adjustments like clockwork — mirrors, seat —

Never takes - - Long. When they’re so similar in height. More: Personal preference; her own preoccupation with Safety. V Securing red seatbelt (—initiating: time-honored **Stare-off** with Panam until she - - grumblingly - - fastens her own—); starting car with fluid Twist of offered key in ignition.

 _Purr_ of engine always - Quieter -. Than it has any Right to be. Lovingly _modified_.

Woman beside her shifting to prop Open hatch overhead, letting in fresh air and airing out -- ( **Dense** )Accumulated _Heat_. Settling back in seat to switch on three different displays in rapid succession; idling at one and establishing parameters for climate control before adjusting strength via slider.

“Remember where to go?” Panam doesn’t look up from screen.

“Mhm.” V - taps side of shaved head.

(Thinks: she’ll need to Clean up her edges soon…)

Checking rearview mirror. Backing out of space among other Aldecaldos vehicles then - - Smoothly accelerating toward dirt path leading away from camp.

Returning: Acknowledging (- _sociable_ -) waves of armed sentries at its limits; before gradually speeding off.

“Jazz, right?” Car’s radio powering on with - Burst of _static_ \- Panam immediately turns down; flicking (Knowingly) through stations. Skipping: **Bass** - **Heavy** Techno _Haze_ she usually prefers without missing a beat.

V briefly Gaping to right - Mouth falling open. Hand leaving wheel to-- _Clutch_ chest. “Are you… Letting me _choose_ what we listen to??”

Rolled eyes in her optics’ peripherals. “You make Everything dramatic.”

“And you…” blinks. “Don’t Blow everything out of proportion?”

“Name One time I blew things out of proportion.”

Inhales— _Deep_ : “…. _Every_ _time_.”

“Go to hell.”

Angles -- ‘Told You so’ gesture passenger’s way - chuckling. Returning staged hand to wheel. “I don’t mind what you played before. Like all sorts of music. Which - _Convenient_. Since you change stations approximately 50 beats per second.” Panam presents middle finger with free hand. “That’s the kind you like, right? Whatever you choose is fine.”

Other woman (- **Pointedly** -) _Ignoring_ her;

Continuing to jab controls, _regardless_ -

Until it Leads to — irrefutably — _Jazz_ Result.

Wordlessly Returning to previous position to -- fiddle with swiveled displays once more.

V -

 _Smiling_.

(….Filling: Lungs.) Thumbs - following. Even surface of wheel. “Thank you.”

“What?” Brown eyes dart Abruptly from screen. Before - - flicking away. “It’s a radio station, V. Keep it in your suit.”

“ _For_ ,” emphasizes it - shaking head with small huff, “Apologizing to Judy.” Visible— _Stiff_. In leather-bound shoulders. “Been. Waiting for a chance to properly say it.” (— - **Still**. Wonders if that was: _Right_ _Choice_ ;

not mentioning it - - _Sooner_ )

But she didn’t want it to be - _Afterthought_.

Said while other woman was—on the _Move_. Only to be -- quickly Forgotten.

( **Means**. Too Much to her…)

“Don’t think—No.” Hastily-- _Corrects_. Shaking head again. “Wouldn’t. Be were we Are, _now_ , without it.”

V. Glancing from road;

Watching: hiked Shoulders - _loosen_ …

“Right. Well. It wasn’t as if Slapping you around while you were Committed to your self-sacrificing, Martyr pity party would have achieved anything.” Dark brows dip. Fingers ceaselessly plugging away. “So - Yes: I spoke to the one person who could put an end to it.”

“You’re Amazing.” Panam doesn’t respond; eyebrows-- _creasing_ \--further. Until she abandons displays altogether. As if -

(—- Too _Affected_ ….)

Glances out passenger window.

V’s hands - Tightening - slightly against wheel. “One day.” Feels. ( **Bitter** )smile. “I’ll be able to Clean up my own messes without you needing to step in.”

Aldecaldos Leader - scoffs. “You _are_ a right Pain in my Ass…”

Thinned lips. V’s.

Eyes—Narrowing—back to View ahead.

“Wait - no —” _Shuffling_ in seat - “why are you Suddenly Frowning?” Panam lays a Hand over her (Tense)forearm. “We were joking - That was a joke. If Swallowing my Pride ensured you a decent night’s sleep - then it was a small price to pay.” Fingers— _clutch_ —sleeve. “Why? Because there is Nothing I’ve done _you_ wouldn’t — Shit: _Haven’t_ — done for me. For all the Aldecaldos.”

Looks down to other’s Grip - trying to - - smile. But it doesn’t quite _make_ it.

(Doesn’t)-- _Sit_ right. Strange on her lips. “Just.” …V _exhales_. ‘Cause it’s

**_ Huge_ **

_Insurmountable_ in her Chest….

“Wish our relationship was More than give and take.”

“Is that what you think?” Forced to Look Panam’s direction.

Back to road.

Not knowing if that’s - hurt or -- _Pissed_ \-- in quivering tone.

Feels its— ** _Sear_** , regardless.

V. Nodding. “Sometimes. Yes.” hushed. _Confession_. Thumbs smoothing padded wheel - - again. Again. Repeated( - _Agitated_ -) circles. “Mostly on my end.”

She - -

 **Takes** so( _Too_ ) **_Much_** ….

“But:” swallows. Swallows it **Down**. “I’ll Do Better.” Digs: Metal nails into wheel. “I can _Always_ do _Better_.”

(Always - _always_ …)

Hold on her forearm - - releasing -

Panam letting hand fall with ( _Disgusted_?) scoff. “V - _God_. Sometimes.” Catches: harsh shake of head. “Sometimes — I think you are Blind. That you _Truly_ Must have your head so _Far_ up your own ass to not - - _See_. How much _You_ do for everyone—- _Constantly_.”

Feels: Jaw clench. Doing - - Best. To make it so her Features won’t—- _Collapse_. With **Weight** of what she _Carries_ inside.

Because -

 _Yes_ ,

Of course she Does. She - _Sees_ it.

( **Sees** it; but it’s never been quite -- _Enough_.)

Panam Dismissing her Silence -

Leveling her with such - **_Fierceness_**. It’s all she can do not to—shrink away. “I want to Help you. I would-” -- _Hitch_. Of Pure emotion. Other’s breath snagging. Before she—-Grits _through_ it. “I would do Anything for you.”

V’s Heart—- ** _Constricting_**. Because she -

( **Knows** its: _True_.)

How could she - Not?

 **That**. _Loyalty_. That --

‘ _Anything_ ’….

(Love)

Sheer: **Unwavering**. Own Level of - — _Terrifying_ ; now that the woman is: **_Leader_**.

Wants to Say( _Warn_ ): ‘You _shouldn’t_ -’

‘You _shouldn’t_ , Pan.’

(Because.) Isn’t it Only a Matter of _Time_?

With: everything she’s _Already_ **Done**.

 _Sacrificed_. For her

until. until,

She: _Takes_. too. _Much_.

That — **_Give_** reaches its _Limit_ \--

and. the other. will

 _Hat_ -

“You aren’t alone.” Unrelenting **Voice** \- - cripples - - her thoughts. Panam’s brow—tugged. With Deep Set furrows. “You will Never be alone again.”

( _Sucks_. Own— _Sharp_ —breath.)

Because: Panam. Always( _always_ ) finds her -- _Aches_ …

(Maybe,)

V—grasps steering wheel like it’s a _Lifeline_ ;

(But there’s—)

 **Always** a Limit.

“The Aldecaldos aren’t the Bakkers.” Panam - shifts; to access hatch once more. Shutting it with - Irritable _snap_. (Like she — Hasn’t: _Snatched_ her _thoughts_.) “So cut the shit.”

Stiffens. then - - Relaxes - - in seat— _exhaling_ the (- Pain -) because

it _Hurts_ ;

How Accurate(—- _Ruthless_ …). Other’s words—- ** _Hit_**.

V. - blinking -. Out to endless scarred road. “…I’m sorry.”

“Stop apologizing.” _Sound_ like something’s been - **struck**. “I _Hate_ what they did to You.”

Mm.

Thinks: she hates it too.

When she. Can’t help the - **Summon**.

( - ever- _present_ -) _Clips_ ;

Such—- Sure(steady, reliable, rock-solid). Indisputable **Leadership** turned to - -

Death

Resignation

Desertion

(They. had - - _Nothing_ \- -)

…

Thought. that was her _Family_ ,

That it would - —Never **End**.

(but)

 _Breathes_ it out. Winding a (Reluctant)shoulder.

nodding.

(Relative)Silence between them for - inexplicable minutes(?). Until -

“You don’t have to thank me.” Panam - _shatters_ it.

Sets them back where they started. “I get it. Judy.” Black-coated nails; scratch and - flick. Metal trim beneath passenger window. “She’s Important to you.”

 _Yes_ ,

(Panam—Would get it -)

Know. That: (Insidious) _Loss_

How - even the —- **_Threat_** — -

…V Smiles. Genuine because of subject. “She is.”

Drops. Hand from wheel. Reaching across—space—between them

—- _Clutching_ red sleeve. “Just as Much as You.” Other - shuddering at her touch. (Her- words?) But it’s:

A thing that—will **_Never_** be—- _Struggle_. “Would do _Anything_ for you too.”

Risk it - - _All_

Risk: (Alone.)

Everything to— **Meet**. Other’s - - Amazing. ‘Anything’ - - in Return.

Car falling back to (—-Tenuous—-) Quiet.

Panam not looking her way (and she - _Gives_ her That.) Unknown Expression back to outlined glass.

Doesn’t let captured sleeve go. Not unless: other demands it.

“Traveled a bit in Arizona.” Feels like: Compromise. When they Both know to - _breathe_ \- and

step away.

Figure things - - out.

V - tapping fingers - while guiding wheel. To: _Hard-hitting_ piano solo (Melodically) flowing from radio. “Mainly Phoenix; market in Flagstaff. Never made it to Tucson though.” …Slows. To make: sharp left turn. “Heard it’s an Old City?”

“Mhm.” (Smiles.) Glad her gesture’s - - _reciprocated_. “Still Mostly untouched by corps - if you can believe it. Reservations near there fought with nomads to keep it Largely theirs.” Something like - **_Pride_**. “Did a Hell of a job keeping it, too.”

V - Brightens. “That’s right.” Tugs a bit at sleeve. “Arizona’s where you ‘started’.”

“Ye-ep.” Flat. Dimmer than before. Clouds in that tone. “Was popped out here.”

“…and after that Thrilling recount of Your Life story - my heart is _Warmed_.”

Can just see - smirk. Curling. From turned profile. “Neither of Us is inebriated enough for That Tale. Besides: You Already know the most Thrilling bits.”

“Not about the deputy finance director of Kaukaz.”

“Most of the thrilling bits.” Panam amends. Whirl of music overtaking car again - before: “What about you? Where were you born?”

Feels: corner of mouth - lift. “‘vada.”

Single word Catching other’s attention. Enough she glances from window. “‘Wild West’ if there ever was one. Easy to sneak into, though.” Nods her Agree. “Still -” noise of _Revulsion_ , “What a Glorified Resort Pit. Must’ve been tourists non-stop.”

“And you wanna know - _More_ …” trails it off Enticingly. Aldecaldos Leader _snorting_ (- but: Knows her Interested). “Best get those Drinks ready. Won’t spill until you do.”

Panam - rolling eyes but -

Lips - _quirking_ , all the same.

And - just like that,

They’re. Good again.

 **Them**.

(For now.)

Doesn’t—disrupt. Lull in conversation immediately after.

Leaving other to - Thoughts. When those Hands start fiddling again; fingers dancing over various controls.

Thought - at first - it was just the other woman’s _Aversion_. Not liking her, not wanting to Waste time on any more forced pleasantries before whatever **Task** they had to Complete.

Discovered: (Over time)It’s: Just Panam's form of - - _Reassurance_.

Checking all her bases. Reviewing and Rehashing _Every. Last._ Detail -

Woman: _Stunning_ Combination of Calculated and - - _Stupid_.

(Loves that about her.) Glowing - Brimming - Respect.

Errant movements - shifting gestures - that could easily be misconstrued as keeping pace to Music; working of—ever-Churning _Piston_ of a Mind.

V -

 _Smiling_ ….

Leaving her to it. Letting: Her own Mind - _hum_. Tumbling variables. Pieces as varied and experimental as instruments conducting lively jazz _Bellow_ and _Sway_ \- as she

Bobs her head to beat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Decided to break up what would’ve been another (Cray) Looong chapter. 1) Because - why not? Pan DESERVES it. Been a gosh darned HERO these last few chaps. Mwa. And b) I didn’t want the Missing of things/inability to Fully digest because of Formidable length (b/c: Real talk. Unless you take notes like V on clipboard, things will be Forgotten). Five *had* to be together to get Point across; pieces weaving and feeding into one another. These two: I want to feel more like parts of a game mission. ;)
> 
> Still! Some MASTERFUL PLANNING right der: Judy’s chap being 3 and Pan’s 6~ Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
> 
> Last, but never Least: Thanks - Again - to All my wonderful commenters(repeat offenders and new alike)! Some of the ones I’ve received have just been - Lovely. Thought-provoking. Fun! Very much a source of Motivation on those days writing don’t come Easy. <3


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